DOSE:	repeated	oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine
	500 mg	oral	Fluorophenibut

BODY WEIGHT:

80 kg

So, I had a read a report on the internet about how phenibut was really good for reducing social anxiety, and therefore pulling women became much easier so I decided to give it a go and ordered 20g.

Now my history with all chemicals is extensive and has probably lead to anxiety issues. I have abused MDMA, amphetamines, mephedrone, weed, coke and also tried MDPV (probably the cause of any anxiety issues I have), methylone, other methy-derivitives I cannot recall, dmt, mushrooms,acid....e.t.c, kind of you name it apart from crack and smack.

I had been out during the day and sunk about 4 litres of beer, I was feeling a bit tipsy when I returned home for a lie down because I had very little sleep the night before (no drugs involved, just messed up sleep pattern) and remembered I had got this phenibut to try out. Now, being a bit drunk there was no way I wasn't at least going to try it, but I thought I'd keep the dose small, just a little lifter as a dozed off so I took 0.5g measured from digital scales.

I started to drift off and had mild effects, felt like increased hr and bp nothing major. I would get these quite intense brain zap like effects that would awake me from this mild slumber with a jolt and that was kind of it. Got up a few hours later and headed out.

I could feel the anti-anxiety effects the moment I left the house (I live in a city with people all around), as in anxiety didn't exist, I could just look at people without having to look away quite the same and felt I could easily go up and talk to people with no fear. The night ended up a wipeout regardless and I was back home within 30 mins because of friends messing about and I couldn't be bothered with the hassle of what they were doing. I stayed up a bit just surfing the web and messing around and went to bed around midnight/1 am probably, can't really recall now.

Didn't get any sleep, bearing in mind I had not slept the night before, it's like there was a force in my head just stopping it, or my head had forgotten 'how' to sleep - kept getting jolts, like minor spasms, these lasted through the whole experience and would prevent any sleep occuring. Got up the next day with expectations of going out as my friends were visiting me from another country. I blew them out this time as I was feeling rough, 3rd day awake and didn't feel like I had done any drugs just could not sleep even though I tried to during the day. Stayed up quite late to try and force myself to be tired so went to bed around 1am again. Same thing again, but this time I was getting more hallucinations and this 'force' in my head was ever prevalant. I had left my previous country on bad terms with my family and this was playing out over and over in my head so when I got up the next day I was in a right state. I couldn't stop crying, just playing out making this phone call over and over, I needed to do it, it was all my fault, I didn't want these bad terms and had to set things right. I probably cried for several hours, any attempt I made to sit down and make that call was overwhelming, I couldn't do it in the state I was in, I wouldn't get a word out without having these overwhelming feelings of regret about what I'd done, the relationships with my family I had left in these tatters that I needed to right and I didn't want to make this call like I was as they'd worry about me. I tried to 'man up' several times and snap myself out of it, I was breaking down but I NEEDED to make this call NOW! I did it, the second I spoke to my family they couldn't talk because they could sense it in my voice (I have tears rolling down my face typing this now/and rereading lol), they were feeling the same way I was just from a 2 second, hello it's me. Totally overwhelming for all parties.

What needed to be said was said, apologies were made and I admitted I'd probably been quite severely depressed for several years which were a cause of my behaviour. I was admitting it to myself by talking about it with my family I knew my behaviour had to change. I was still reckless with my life at 34 years old, still caning drugs, getting drunk and I thought when I left my last country without saying goodbye I may never see them again (I had this thought when I left) because I'd end up OD'ing or killing myself from being reckless. This thought had been OK to me in my head but this phenibut experience had shown me that it was not ME having this thought, it's NOT OK to think I may never see my family again. My life had changed this day, I would never touch another drug, I'd start studying and getting my life back on track again, get a girlfriend, not just sit around the house all day (I worked from home, long story but my previous job may have triggered my depression).

I'm not sure I would have had this epipheny without this drug, combined with the sleep deprivation it made my realise truths I'd known secretly, be known to be a reality. I'd fixed a relationship I had messed up and going forward I felt so good. There's a whole world out there full of stuff to do and people to meet, I'd been reclusive. I'd been depressed.

Next night couldn't sleep again so read a book for a few hours until 2/3am. Still had this overwhelming force, did some lucid dreaming but it was driving me mad, I had only taken 0.5g days ago now. Probably went to sleep around 5am and got 5 hours or so of sleep. Woke up feeling great, could finally go and meet my friends. I was changed.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 101354
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 34
Published: Oct 12, 2019	Views: 1,301
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Smarts - Phenibut (379), Sleep Deprivation (140) : Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3), Alone (16)