DOSE:

20-30 glasses

oral

Alcohol - Beer/Wine

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

210 lb

It seems to be in the genes.

I am 27 years old, and utterly pathetic. I have been an alcoholic since I was a teenager, maybe 14-15 when I used to get drunk with my best friend at the weekends. You see, we were tall for our age and looked older, especially my best friend.

I think this is really where the problem started. Anyway, after drinking at the weekends in clubs and bars I realised I could buy alcohol from shops (I was still only 15-16 but that sure as hell didn’t stop me) and I used to get TRASHED, just at the weekends still, but I think I was about that age when my dad said to me ‘are you going to stop drinking so heavily?’ to which my response was ‘why don’t you get mum to stop?’.

On retrospect I realise now he had given up on her, she is a chronic alcoholic and a very damaged person. I think he was trying to save me from the same fate, unfortunately, he couldn’t. By the time I was 20 I was drinking 20 cans of beer a day. I mean my parents must have known, I was still living at home (I still live there at 27, I have destroyed my life and future through drink).

Somehow I managed to get into a good university, but by that time I was 21 and drinking more than ever. Literally morning, noon and night. I would get up, drink some cider and go to lectures. People on my course noticed, they made comments like ‘you always smell like wine’. I don’t think I cared about anything and even being there just seemed to be a case of ‘going through the motions’ I have always felt completely lost and confused by life and alcohol has been the one thing that has enabled me to interact with other people. I am frightfully shy without it, barely able to speak to people.

Anyway, I have been detoxed by my doctor a couple of years ago, but within 4 months I was back to drinking again. I am trying to now stop and go back to university to finish the degree I ruined by dropping out because I was too drunk to make it to lectures/sit any exams.

The main point I wanted to make though is I have one sibling, an older sister. She looks very much like my dad (same shaped nose etc) and is very similar to him in personality traits, very goal orientated and successful, she is a lawyer and my dad is a consultant on mainframe operating systems for a large IT firm. She has always been the apple of my parents eye (particularly my mother’s).

My mother is the polar opposite of my father and sister, she is a drop out drunk with no people skills and who just sits around watching TV all day. I look very much like her. I behave like her too. It makes me sad to know my life is doomed to end up like hers and it makes me wonder, is this seemingly predisposed ‘flawed’ personality which leads to failure and alcoholism a result of nature or nurture?

Exp Year: 1999-2012	ExpID: 102092
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 27
Published: May 18, 2020	Views: 1,214
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Alcohol (61) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Families (41), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)