DOSE:

4 tsp

oral

Mushrooms - P. semilanceata

(ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT:

83 lb

I had taken psychedelics sporadically since my early twenties onwards. Then I reached a point where I did not value getting high any more. So apart from a little weed or a very occasional few beers I enjoyed being sober.

At the time of this experience I was at college studying art and through a series of synchronizations I began exploring shamanism. I listened to all the Terence Mckenna rap. Read M Eliade etc. Then decided I should experience the 'heroic dose' thing. It was mushroom season so I began hunting. To begin with I gained small amounts..about a mouthful. These resulted in lovely closed eye visuals...conscious serpent down one half of my body and wood texture down the other...at the time I was carving a certain type of wood. These were nice experience but I wanted it to be stronger...I just could not find enough mushrooms.

Well to cut a long story short I eventually found about 200 liberty caps. On the night of 23 Dec 2012 I ground them into a powder using a coffee grinder. This gave me 5 heaped teaspoons of mushroom powder. I put 4 teaspoons of this powder into a small cup of hot water and drank it up. I did not have the courage to take that fifth spoon.

MINDSET
Not great since the storm was so intense but I was determined to take the mushrooms...should maybe have done them the previous night when I was a bit happier and content. Not really sad either just a bit cold and uncomfortable.

SETTING
My home..comfortable and quiet. Weather outside appalling storm.

THE TRIP
I felt it coming on very quickly...about 10-20 mins. So I lay down on the sofa and turned out the lights...silent darkness...just like Mckenna suggested. As the feeling increases I see out of the darkness a spiral descend above me. It is composed of blocks of bright primary colours. These blocks morph into faces...female...serpent like...sexual and deadly. I have seen this image every time I took acid in the past...and always felt baffled as to what this was...I still don't know. It is a recurring theme that I cannot reference to any part of my life is all I know...and it manifests during trips. It was the first image I saw on my first psychedelic (acid) trip...it remains a mystery.

At first I watched this unfold with curiosity which soon turned to panic then fear as the spiral got closer. Also as the image became clearer and closer my identity and sense of self diminished. At the last minute I decided that I did not want to surrender all of me so I switched on the lights and hoped it would all be over. The experience just kept increasing in intensity however and I just held on for dear life it seemed. There was no separation between me and the weather...a storm of massive proportions was blowing through me. I could barely stand. My mind was full of faces of people I had seen recently...all disapproving and negative. I tried to warm up by sitting in front of a gas heater.

As I closed my eyes I had another vision. It was a factory setting...highly sci-fi/alien...made of brightly coloured perspex lit from the inside. I saw my body as a frame without visceral content. My right leg was composed of this coloured perspex material with a definite yellow colour. Then the vision was gone. I looked at the gas fire...it gave me some dearly needed comfort. Then I realized I was experiencing no separation between me and the flame. I realized I could easily embrace the fire and set myself alight...so I moved away...shame it was comforting after all. Back to the madness and the storm for who know how long. I found a drawing I had received praise for and set it beside me as a sort of talisman...this seemed to work to a degree...something to hold onto. I needed to pee...but god I could hardly stand. I crawled up stairs an sat on the loo...no way was I standing to pee in this state. I urinated with my head in my hands...eyes closed and had another vision. The most beautiful forest...coloured perspex again...and a waterfall.

The rest of the trip was just intense confusion and discomfort. Then it stopped in the space of a few minutes. I was all the way down. What relief!!! I went to bed so damn happy that I had survived. As I sat on my bed I experienced what it was to be this girl I knew. I did not have access to her mind or memories or anything like that...but her expressions and gestures and personality from the inside...it was just lovely and unique.

A few months later while on holiday, at the airport she said something which ended with the phrase '...the I could be you and you could be me.' Interesting since I had mentioned none of this to her. The days after the trip were so peaceful and I was filled with love. This lasted till I went back to college and the usual day to day stuff reasserted itself.

These days I take mushrooms rarely and with such respect. The visions I turn into paintings.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 103899
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 40
Published: Aug 15, 2019	Views: 868
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Mushrooms - P. semilanceata (90) : Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Alone (16)