DOSE:

repeated

IM

Methoxetamine

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

Something came in the mail today. I call it an antidepressant. An NMDA receptor antagonist that is also a dopamine reuptake inhibitor which is also a serotonin reuptake inhibitor. An exceptional chemical, an effective, fast-acting antidepressant. It is 3-MeO-2-Oxo-PCE, named methoxetamine, variously called MXE, mket, mexxy, and rotflcopter. It is a substance that has become my peculiar companion. First synthesized in 2011, it was first discussed and became available in 2012 and was, for the first time, in my body late that year. I had not sought it for treatment of my depression, but rather had found it after psychonautical experimentation with closely-related ketamine.

It is a very dangerous chemical.

Dangerous, because it could potentially upset sales of the various extant slow-acting antidepressants on the market and be a blockbuster drug? Yes. It can bring tremendous relief to the acutely, chronically, and severely depressed within minutes. But it is much more dangerous than that.

Dangerous, because it is highly psychologically addictive, habit-forming, encourages one to repeatedly dose despite a relatively long biological half-life, may result in slipping into complete bodily dissociation at higher dosages, with tremendous susceptibility to high levels of dosage tolerance within hours or days of repeated exposure, and may cause acute cerebellar toxicity at such dosages and acute and chronic cystitis after prolonged exposure to recreational dosages? Absolutely.

So I dosed. And dosed again. I dosed once more. And, knowing where this would lead, I washed the remainder down the drain, knowing myself well enough to know that I cannot control my exposure to this potentially life-saving drug, and that this lack of control could only lead me down a road of acute morbidity and mortality. This I have done countless times, wasting roughly 90% of the product I purchase, due to my utter and complete powerlessness over this molecule.

Perspective

It is such an obnoxious chemical with such ability to draw. Through its portal I have endured the entire slate of human misery. In use, I have felt a part of, known a special part of hell, death, decomposition, being eaten alive, human vivisection, the horrors of war, holocaust, agony, gang-rape, immolation, torture, hopelessness, eternal darkness and pain, the loss of a brother-in-arms, human sacrifice, the psychophysiological torture of loved ones. Yet I have also seen a new light, emergent from pain and suffering, appreciating a spirited game of life invented by gods, effected by spirits and entities unknown, encompassing all in multiplicative dimension, in furtherance of mutualism beyond sovereignty.

I once encapsulated a packet in duct tape, layer by layer, with notes of pleading, past experience, questioning, demanding it not be used. Intricately and ingeniously composed to prevent further use. Once upon a thought, a hook, a remembrance of discovery of universes unknown, its carefully articulated appeals and demonstrably onerous fashion were no match for the addictive pull.

Its discovery may yet unravel me to naught.

[Reported Dose: 20-150 mg IM repeated]

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 106858
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 34
Published: Apr 26, 2016	Views: 2,308
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Methoxetamine (527) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Unknown Context (20)