DOSE:

2 hits

oral

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

65 kg

Product: White on White Blotters, 100-110ug per tab. The source was a highly recommended one and another product of theirs was supposedly tested by a third party and found to be pure LSD and close to 100% of the advertised quantity. Personally I cant make any statements regarding quality/quantity, but I can tell you what it did to me.

Set&Setting: I'm around 30 yrs old, male, have some experience with mdma/exstacy/speed/shrooms and smoke weed for most of my adult life. Aside from this daily cannabis use, I had a very sober 2015 so far. I'm very interested in spirituality, especially non-dualism, and concepts like ego-loss, transcendence of mind&body and the beautiful oneness of all are familiar to me. Theoretically, i.e. not experienced. I'm not in a very stable place right now, meaning no real job, no girlfriend/relationship for some years, and no idea how or when this is going to change.

I decided to trip alone for my first time (friends I wouldve tripped with werent available) and I was going to start with 200ug or two 100ug 'White on White' blotters. I live with two roommates who were present and knew I would be tripping. I trust them, they are good people. The week before I read a lot of reports and checked out what is scientifically known today. Also, I mildly conditioned myself by always repeating and being aware of the facts 'I wont die' and 'It will be over after a day'. I didnt have any special plans; for my first time I just wanted to see what it would be like. What would happen. I was excited.

Bicycle Day: I had gotten the tabs the day before, but it was late and I wanted to start during the day. So I waited one night, which wasnt easy. I was very excited and only slept a couple of hours. (Sidenote: It can be hard to tell if I feel anxious, nervous or excited. I chose to see it as excitement. Stay positive.)

I started my day leisurely with cereals&fruit&tea, showered and cleaned the apartment a bit. After that I went outside to walk around in the sun and find a rose which I could pluck and take home. They are supposed to be beautiful on LSD (also, I read King's Dark Tower not long ago).

I then prepared my room, meaning: water, pen&paper, fresh sheets for my bed, phone on airplane mode, logging out of all social media and opening a few tabs with music. After everything was ready I took a quick look at the time and I shit you not, 4:20pm. Lets go!

4:20pm. I put two blotters on my tongue, sucked and chewed them around a bit and then swallowed. I put on the movie Lucy which was recommended somewhere and waited.

It didnt take long, maybe 15 minutes, and I started to feel something. My hands and feet got sweaty and my excitement quickly morphed into euphoria. Another 15 minutes later colors became more vibrant and had a mild glow. By now the movie had become the least interesting thing to see. I checked for tracers by waving my hand but I didnt see any. Didnt matter, I was coming up fast. I started laughing/giggling just because I felt so good. It might have been slightly on the hysterical side.

5:30pm. Pretty exactly one hour into the movie it started to buffer, so I paused and looked around the room. Textures had started moving, the letters on my keyboard wobbled and time and space began to stretch. At this point one of my roommates came by wanting to know how it felt.

Roomy: Hey, is it already kicking in? What are you seeing?
Me: Unnbeelievvabll... Itss...it...amaazinn.

I could barely talk. Time and space were off. I thought the sentence, but by the time it had reached my mouth I was already so far ahead in my mind. So much was happening in what I knew must be seconds, but it didnt feel like it. It didnt feel like hours either, I was just registering too much for just one second. Every texture was moving. For example: My desk is completely white and smooth except for a scorch mark the size of a quarter. This mark was a pit, it had depth, and little geometric forms and lines were tumbling out of it only to dissolve on the white desk. This motivated me to put the paper in front of me and pick up a pencil. With that I started seeing traces. When I put the pencil to the paper, the point of contact became the source of an abstract drawing which spread out over maybe half the paper. It was amazingly detailed and constantly moving. I have no idea what it looked like.

The reports I had read often said that it could be uncomfortable to have non tripping people around, no matter if they knew or not. I was sure I wouldnt mind having my sober roommates around. I was wrong. The thing is, they couldnt understand. Our realities were so far apart, and I couldnt communicate to them what I was seeing, and that kind of broke the illusion. With my eyes I saw unbelievably beautiful patterns on the floor, through their eyes I saw a drugged up idiot staring at a normal floor. It didnt make sense, I couldnt bring the two pictures together. My guess is that it got to do with my insecurities and is not necessarily a characteristic of LSD.

6:30pm. Around this time I wanted to explore the apartment. I knew there was the rose in the kitchen and some fruit salad in the fridge. Also I felt like I had to be a little bit active to show my roommates I was able to and that everything was fine. I felt they wouldnt understand that everything was fine if I was just sitting around tipping a pen to paper.

At first I didnt think I could walk, but when I tried, it worked. It was really weird, everything was moving and the proportions of my body felt wrong, but it worked. I could even dance and jump around to create massive waves where my feet touched the floor. When, after a couple of minutes, I arrived at the kitchen door, I instantly noticed the rose. It was too much to look at. I turned to the fridge, opened it, laughed and closed it again. There was too much going on in there. I could make out the fruit salad, but there was no way I couldve gotten it out of there. (Sidenote: Looking back, I now think I couldve done it, but I didnt even try. My mind said no and I listened). On the way back to my room I made a quick pitstop to relieve myself. It was a little weird but worked fine. As I stood before the door, ready to leave the bathroom, I had a brief flash of panic. I wasnt sure if I could open the door. But then I just did it and it was easy enough. Still I got the feeling how the trip couldve turned bad there and I made a mental note to remember that getting out was easy.

Back in my room I sat down at my desk and thought about what to do next. Now, afterwards, I feel like this is a bad spot. Tripping and not knowing what to do next cant be right. Everything around me was moving in awesomeness and I didnt want to settle on anything. Didnt want to go deep into anything. I'm pretty sure I was fighting it, or trying to get some control. I wasn't aware of it, I was just thinking 'Holy shit, what now?'. I started feeling overwhelmed so I closed my eyes and instead of the expected darkness a whole new space opened up. I instantly named it, or knew its name to be Headspace.

7:30pm. This Headspace was the most insane thing I had experienced so far. It wasnt like I was standing or sitting in a space or world similar to ours. I'm not even sure how many dimensions it had, although it was at least partly 3 dimensional. I could see bright, abstract patterns move or rather develop in this space. It was brighter than my room, and that sensation alone, that I closed my eyes and my surroundings got brighter, was disorientating . After a short while, I think, I had figured out a little bit how it worked. I wasnt a body but more a cell, or maybe even a point. Sensations had different representations from the other world. Whatever I heard I would also see as patterns of light. And the sounds came from new directions. When, for example, I heard one of my roommates, I logically knew they were to my left, but in my Headspace the sound ... I dont even know, was part of that space maybe? With its own location from where it came. Something like that, but different.

I wanted to listen to music, so I opened my eyes again and instantly got hit by strong vertigo. The change in perspective was too sudden and extreme. First I'm hanging or hovering in one point and can see, hear and feel the space around me, and then I'm suddenly sitting in my chair looking straight ahead. It made no sense. It felt like both spaces existed simultaneously, and I could switch between them just by opening/closing my eyes, but it made me very nauseous.

8:00pm. I barely managed to start a song and put on my headphones. I had started, without really choosing it, Acid Rap by Chance the Rapper. I remember thinking how intense it was, and that I, at some point, noticed that it was over. Besides that I have no memory of listening to a 50+ minute album. I dont know if I passed out, or closed up or what happened. I remember pulling off the headphones and curl up in my bed, and I think I found a place inside my head where I could stay, but for the next 6-10 hours I dont know where or what I was. There is very little memory, I think I just remember a few small reality flips. At one time my other roomy came by and asked if I was okay. I remember this in two steps. The first one was 'waking up' with a shock while simultaneously registering that he was close to me and had asked if everything was alright. The second step is me quickly 'going back' whilst muttering 'all goood'. There were a couple of similar little events, like me suddenly noticing something from the other world. But I have no idea what was happening in my Headspace. I just know I felt good.

05:00am. The next clear memory I have is 'waking up' or 'coming back' from wherever I was. The sky was already bright, so it probably was around 5am. I was still seeing visual effects, but way more mellow than before. My body didnt feel quite right, my hands felt and looked way to big. They were morphing from triple the normal size to more or less normal and back. The body feeling I had reminded me of the cortical homonculus (I had to look that up), a physical representation, a neurological map of the body (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortical_homunculus). I kept lying in my bed and probably snoozed a bit, but after a while I was so bored, I had to get up.

08:00am. My visuals were gone completely, but things still looked pretty. I felt very exhausted, in body and mind, but more or less normal. I knew I was still not fully back, still away from my former self. I was very calm and kind of empty. I took a shower and went outside. It was a beautiful day and I would spent the next 3-4 hours walking slowly through nature, occasionally stopping, but mostly wanting to move. I tried to think about what I had experienced, but I dont think I got a better sense of it then I have now, 2 days later.

All I know for sure is that by taking the LSD (if it was LSD) I had opened a door to another world. I'm sure of that. I cant really say what/where/when this world is, what happend there or who had been there, but I really want to find out. Oh, and there was definitely a vast distance between me on LSD and the me before LSD. This distance alone had created a new perspective on pretty much anything, I just didnt look at anything while so far away. Or I dont remember.

Conclusions:

- I'm very sure I was overwhelmed, which wasnt a bad experience, but not really useful either, and I think I wasted a lot of LSD's potential that way.

- Its a trip, you are going somewhere. It really didn't hurt to know a little bit about that place. The more single experiences I read, the better my understanding of what might happen.

- Set&Setting! I know it is important, probably the most important factor of the trip. I'm not sure how it really works, but before/while/after the trip I was happy about having cleaned and decluttered my place, feeling excited, ie being nervous but not scared. I was glad I made sure there werent any disturbences. My sober roommates werent a huge problem, but they made me feel self-conscious and inhibited, so the next time I really want to be alone or have everyone tripping.

- Next time: I will again take my time with preparations, they are part of it. I will take half the dose, so 100ug, maybe even in 2 steps at T:0.00 and T:2.00. I have to read about that :) I want to put some focus on the difference between open and closed eyes, the different worlds, while keeping an open mind for wherever the trip leads me.

I wish you all the best in all the worlds!

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 106908
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 30
Published: Oct 1, 2021	Views: 870
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