DOSE: T+ 0:00	26 mg	oral	4-HO-MiPT	(capsule)
T+ 3:40		smoked	DMT	(plant material)

BODY WEIGHT:

120 lb

7:00pm (T-1:10) I’m just waking up from a nap on a relaxing weekend evening at home. Must have dozed off there while listening to a Graham Hancock interview on a podcast, interesting research about ancient human culture, psychedelics and consciousness. Good stuff to prime the mind for a trip, eh? I’d eaten a light dinner a couple of hours ago. Life is good, I’m happy, healthy and optimistic.

7:20 (-0:50) I start checking in with myself and the space, paying attention to any physical tension and letting my body settle in and relax. I tidy up the apartment a little, light some candles and put on lavender essential oil. As I'm sitting in eyes-open meditation I start tuning into my energy* field, moving it around to release anything stuck from the week, starting to see the vibration of space around my hands and faint auras lighting up. An intuitive pre-flight checklist, if you will.

(*Regarding the term “energy” ~ as a physics nerd, I don’t like it either for metaphysical purposes since it already has a well-defined meaning, but it’s the most commonly accepted term to discuss this specific thing that a lot of people experience similarly, so let’s roll with it. Feel free to substitute qi/kundalini/prana/spirit/vibes/etc to your liking)

8:10 (+0:00) I'm feeling grounded and have set my intentions for the trip, so I pop a capsule of 26mg measured on a milligram scale from a batch I’ve gotten to know well. I believe this is my highest dose yet, but not by much so I’m confident things will go swimmingly. The MiPT, and 4-substituted tryptamines generally, have always been kind and excellent teachers.

8:30 (+0:20) Feeling alerts as a little heightened energy, butterflies in the tummy. I set up a playlist of favorite chill electronic tunes and have the sudden notion that this time I want to write an experience report. Let's go for it!

8:40 (+0:30) It’s starting to come on suddenly and intensely. Feel this one in my whole body. Got to move around.

9:10 (+1:00) The last few minutes are intense but beautiful. The room is filled with swirling colorful jelly. Translucent rainbow fields hanging in space and coursing through me. A ton of energy is pushing its way through my channels and field of awareness, and I’ve got to just breathe through it and let it go. A series of visions and memories comes flooding back about an affair my mom had when I was young: haven’t thought about THAT in ages, but from my current vantage point I see how confusing and messed up that was for a kid to deal with. I can feel long-stored sadness uprooting and leaving my heart, and feel how much these early experiences and my parents’ divorce informed my picture of love and relationships. As I become consciously aware of this all and let it dissolve, there’s a color shift; things look different… lighter. Spirit is flushing this old, crusty gunk out of my system.

The room, meanwhile, is still full of shimmering rainbow glows. It's quite a thing of beauty, if you can picture radiant, pulsing auras gently shifting from wall to wall. It’s also making me kind of motion sick because it’s like being underwater with choppy waves yanking me back and forth. My sense of balance is trying to keep steady and doesn’t know whether to use as a reference point the material walls and furniture, or if it should be using this now-visible energy field as a reference point. So much effort to just hold still and deal with the wooziness , I feel if I let go I would drift away, disoriented in the currents, and probably puke. But the more I ground myself in one point and stay centered, the more the current of energies resolves as a separate thing in living motion. It really is just gorgeous! Like an oil sheen on water, only in three dimensions with lovely hues of orange, purple, yellow and blue. I find myself standing in a peculiar way, pegged to the floor by one foot to maintain equilibrium while this current flows through me. I’m pushing all the air out of my lungs, hard, and stretching out my spine to open up a channel for the energy. Strangely, some part of me knows how to work this, guide me through and hack my body mechanics. After a minute the intensity subsides; once I get my channels flowing everything gets easier. With each step of loosening up and releasing, the colors come more into focus and I’m more at peace.

9:20 (+1:10) I’m looking at my laptop from across the room. Its field is becoming very apparent. I have such a close relationship with this object from spending much of every day working with it, so seeing what’s attached to it activates corresponding feelings in my own field. So as I study it and wiggle back and forth (using parallax to refine my sight and tease out a more true perception of space), the rectangular screen warps and bloats and looks very stupid indeed — that is, nothing else is distorting manner, there must be some kind of bubble attached to it, hiding and fooling my brain into warping straight lines into curves. I know it's a trick so I gaze for a minute and gradually it settles into a proper rectangle, emanating a glowing color-field of orange, aquamarine and deep indigo.

9:40 (+1:30) I’ve been over on the bed. At first I was gazing up at the ceiling, studying the movement of the fields. It’s like a giant rainbow sea creature pulsing and unfurling, or like a time-lapse video of brewing stormclouds. Intense and fascinating. It dawns on me with horror and wonder that I’m also seeing the auras of the upstairs neighbors through the ceiling. It’s definitely not a “visual” in the typical sense; it’s moving and distinctly, alarmingly alive with agency of its own, and it fills me with an awkward sense of accidental intimacy. Not the first time: on several such occasions I’ve had the physical walls cease to matter when I can see and feel my roommates’ fields as luminous cloud organisms just 20 feet away. It always seems laughable at these moments how separate we pretend to be. When I realize “I” don’t end at my skin, and I can practically feel my friends’ awareness and very heartbeats nearby.

My thoughts turns to dating, which I’ve been dipping into a little bit lately after a long break. A lovely Phutureprimitive song pulls the heartstrings and guides me through the feelings of what getting into a relationship right now might actually involve, and shows me honestly where I haven’t really been realistic about the prospect. It’s an optimistic journey and I receive good information about welcoming someone new into my space without stale ideas and habits from the past.

9:55 (+1:45) Oh my god, this Kalya Scintilla track is sooo good! This is the perfect soundtrack right now for tuning into the cosmic vibration, must restart the album from the beginning. I’ll note also how remarkable it is, sitting on the couch, that I don't feel like I’m tripping at all – it feels like a satisfying, rich fullness to the space. Nothing looks unusual or warped, and my thought patterns are lucid and not too far off baseline. Typing's fine. There's a rainbow shimmer in the air still, and now it’s starting to vibrate and open up over the bed.

Thinking about what would happen if I “came out” to my coworkers with this. They’re a very scientifically minded bunch, but they already know and love me as a mystical forest creature, so I honestly wonder how this kind of talk would be received. Because even though I have access to this freaky gift (I think we all do if we try, it’s built into our human spiritual anatomy) this is a giant exciting puzzle, thinking in systems and flows of information, mapping and pattern visualization. To knit together streams of data into these color fields and tapestries of meaning is what my brain lives for. There’s no mainstream scientific framework for clairvoyance and you run the risk of being labeled a nut-job, depending on which circles you run in and how open-minded your friends are. Yet I’m blessed to live in a time and place with a community that “gets it” that we can start shifting the baseline instead of, say, being burned at the stake. I've been listening to a lot of alternative podcasts about delocalized consciousness and experiences like mine, and am optimistic that we’re on the bleeding edge of a movement.

10:36 (+2:26) So nice. The quiet spaces between songs are like the quiet spaces between objects, still full and alive in their own way. I'm sitting on the floor now watching the wood “breathe” with a shining, iridescent glow about a centimeter off the surface. I study it closer and tune into the spirit of the wood, and notice it’s resonating with other wood I can see. Objects and nearby doors light up and start vibrating in harmony. It's so pretty, everything here has a sheen hovering lightly off its surface, layered and more rainbowed the closer I look at them. It emanates a profound, sacred gentleness. I love wood as an artistic medium and am so glad I’ve gotten into it recently. I’m looking at this old oak desk and seeing its history, feeling how much it’s a part of me now and for a long time, something to be fine-tuned and cared for until it fits me perfectly.

In one moment of stunning beauty, I asked “Why though? Why should I be able to see this marvelous, magical manifestation of divinity?” The answer came back: “Why not? Why do birds sing? Why do flowers celebrate their blooming? Sometimes god/consciousness likes to create beauty, play and sing and dance and spiral for its own sake, for the pure joy of it!”

A vision comes to me: the workshop I'm renting, have I thought about buying the land and really rooting here? I’ve grown quite fond of it, and it could really be the grounding & blossoming for the work coming through me, a very fertile place for a soul to land. People buy real estate aaaall the time, but it’s never occurred to me as a realistic option. But I can totally picture the possibilities now and it’s very exciting: to create a luminous hub of conscious culture and art this neighborhood is starving for.

Lying on the bed, I intuitively feel there’s something funky I need to work out in my leg. I feel myself aligning intentionally, with otherworldly presences gathered around, holding me while we do team psychic surgery. As a long-stuck channel in my leg opens up, currents of light bloom out of me and I feel it releasing birth trauma — I had a really difficult entrance into this world and almost didn’t make it. In fact I credit these troubles incarnating for my gift of knowing the spirit realm. On the white ceiling, I see patterns of veins, cuts, flesh & stitches pulse and linger for a few moments as I gasp, seeing finally that luminous life force doesn’t have to look like pain and dying… before the horrifying pictures release and unfold into fields of a kind of beautiful red I’ve never seen before. Rippling colors everywhere as I open up to new frequencies, like the flicker of refracted sunlight through eyelashes.

Looking at my hands, they seem… translucent. Pudgy. Things begin to look… baby-ish. The table’s wood grain has like, eyes… and I know I'm being shown the deep weirdness of incarnating on this planet. A memory of being a rainbow field of unified infinite consciousness, and dropping down into a newborn's brain on this physical plane and thinking — while halfway in, halfway out — “Are you SURE…? This is a strange choice…” and then being stuffed into the chaotic whirlwind of a hospital, while somewhere in my peripheral vision the gooey rainbow field lingers against a field of stars…

I only have more and more questions now. The song guiding my journey declares: “We. Are. Eternal.” Who was I before I was me? Where did I live? There’s a continuity and a current through time I can sense deeply but can’t touch yet. I’ve always viewed past lives as metaphor, but this is so vivid and so clearly a feeling of remembering that I can’t avoid it anymore.

Breathe.

11:40 (+3:30) Coming back to more worldly concerns. Thinking about work. My company is going through a financial crunch and will need me to really crank out some hard work in the coming months. Not just for the business, but for a larger purpose: I'm physically taken by the hand (by a spirit, or my subconscious, I don’t know) and pushed up against the wall and held still so “they” can show me something. The room before me unfolds into a luminous map, unfolding with cascading ripples and pathways of light, and I feel the effect of our work touching lives and changing the very language people use to discuss [this dimension of the world I'd rather not get specific about]. ”The work you’re doing is important on a worldwide scale and needs to continue,” they say. “If we're this close to making it through, sacrifice yourself a little for the vision…” and I realize I'm receiving the suggestion to dip into the amphetamine stash to really solve some programming problems and finish some projects. I kind of can’t believe what I’m hearing because though I accomplished an absurd amount with stimulant help last year, I’ve been off it for 6+ months and feeling much healthier after a period of burnout. Conflicted and wrestling with the notion — how to keep healthy and moderate? “We trust you to figure it out, knowing what you know how,” they say.

11:50 (+3:40) Still going, less intense but still very open. Writing down notable happenings of the last hour… I feel things winding down so I'm going to smoke some changa to kick it up a notch. puff Then: a vision of a moth with giant, fuzzy antennae. A bat, with its ears and finely tuned sensory apparatus. The moth has been a symbol for me for clairvoyance, the way its antennae pick up subtle vibrations an analogy for the way I perceive these delicate flickering auras. The way we’re both inexorably drawn to the light. I can feel something opening up in the spongy darkness of my forehead, bones moving, my vertebrae aligning, a channel opening up in my sinus cavity. A strange, damp darkness giving way to a pineal kind of light. I’m not sure what’s happening but it feels right: a process of opening, releasing and evolving.

1:30 (+5:20) It's been mellow, but for one last bizarre and hilarious vision. I was looking at my hands and they looked… generative, like, well (forgive me)… dickfingers. Five on each hand. Vividly and persistently. Wiggle wiggle. I watch them, wondering “ok, what’s this about then?” As the picture fades I start to see that my hands are shining with this intense, white-hot fire. And I understand that when we see this particular intense energy that I’m channeling, it’s usually in the context of sex, hence the graphic image. It’s the fire of creation, burning with a brightness I’ve never seen before: picture an Alex Grey painting. Electric lattices are crackling a foot around me while everything else in the room goes dark blue. The core of my hands darkens to a silhouette shimmering with ultraviolet blacklight. What a beautiful parting gift!

3:40 (+7:30) I've been dozing off on the couch, curled up with a blanket. Much contentment. Waves of light washing softly on the shores of my eyelids. Sleep comes deep and long, and I spend most of the next day resting and processing the journey.

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 107870
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 31
Published: Dec 1, 2016	Views: 5,248
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4-HO-MiPT (342) : Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)