DOSE: T+ 0:00	3 cups	oral	Alcohol - Hard
T+ 2:00	2 mg	oral	Pharms - Alprazolam	(pill / tablet)
T+ 2:00	2 cups	oral	Alcohol - Hard

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

What started as a fun night at a friend’s party turned into one of the most embarrassing and overall awful experiences of my entire life.

It was like any normal weekend at my college, my friends and I had found a party to go to so we picked up a bottle of Fireball pre-gamed in my dorm room. The party was at one of my good friend’s house, which was about a 10 minute walk away. After finishing our booze, we left my room and walked to the party feeling a little buzzed (we split 750ml between 3 people, which is less than we normally drink because we knew our friend was making a lot of jungle juice).

We got to the party, and it was kind of dead at first. My friend told me a lot more people will start coming after they leave the clubs in the area, and after about an hour of hanging around more and more people started showing up. Eventually, it was a full on party and it was a really great time. By this point, I had drank 3 cups of jungle juice. My friend has a really good recipe for jungle juice, which is loaded with alcohol that I literally can’t taste, so I was sipping that shit like it was regular juice. I was already really trashed and should have just stopped there.

So me and one of my best friends who I went with, we’ll call him Dave, were hanging out in the back yard and so were a lot of other people. These two kids that we know come up to us, say whatsup, then ask if we want to buy any Xanax or Adderall. Fuck yeah I want to buy some Xanax, “I’m trying to get retarded tonight!” (quote by me). So my friend and I each buy a bar (2mg) and swallow it. I have no tolerance to Xanax, and Xanax + alcohol is known to be a very dangerous combo which can lead to serious health injuries (even death) and/or detrimental blackouts. Of course I wasn’t thinking about this at the time, because I was drunk and I’ve mixed the two before. The last thing I fully remember is me and Dave sitting inside the house on the couch, and this really drunk girl fell flat on her face in front of everybody and it was pretty funny.

The total time elapsed so far since the party started is probably something like 2 hours. So in the short span of two hours, I had drank 5 cups of jungle juice (3 before taking the Xanax, and 2 while it was kicking in). Now I must say, it is not uncommon for me to get angry when I’m drunk. I have a short temper and I usually don’t take shit from anyone. That being said, on a given night that I drink I am much more likely to have a good time than a bad time. I cannot say for sure over what time span this next part happened, but I would say the following events occurred for the next 1-2 hours after I had taken the Xanax and my memory is extremely foggy, with me overall remembering something like 5-10% of what actually happened.

Basically, my friends (Dave and another best friend of mine who we’ll call John) noticed that I was on an entirely different level, and they cut me off from drinking. They were just looking up, keeping me safe, but I took this the completely wrong way. I guess I felt like they were being dicks, I didn’t like the feeling of someone else thinking they have control over my life. I know for a fact I verbally assaulted them very badly, but the only thing I remember is me saying “fuck this and fuck you I’m leaving.”

So I leave the party. Why, oh why could I not have just gone back to my room? Basically on my walk back I started spam texting Dave, “fuck you you’re a stupid piece of fucking shit, don’t ever fucking talk to me again” and I was also texting John similar stuff. Dave replied saying “shut the fuck up,” to which I responded “do you want to fucking fight?” and he said yes. Dave was also completely fucked up (I assume) because he took Xanax too, so he wasn’t just going to take my shit.

Now this is the part that I seriously have 0% recollection of. It’s one of those things where I have no idea what the fuck happened, but I know something went down because i'm left with vague images and a really bad feeling.

Basically, Dave kicked my ass badly. Him and I got into a full on fist fight, which ended with me having a broken/bleeding nose, and I didn’t even know it happened. Literally. I don’t remember it now and it did not register in my brain when it happened. I actually read a publication that basically concluded when you’re blacked out, it’s not that you forgot what happened, it’s that your brain is completely unable to create new short term memories and anything you do will be immediately forgotten. This is what happened to me. I mean for fucks sake, I was standing there with a gushing blood nose and I didn’t even know why! The only reason I even know I got destroyed is because my body is aching all over and I remember getting rocked in the nose.

Anyway, it gets WORSE from there. Much, much worse. When Dave and I were fighting, some guy attempted to break it up. Let’s call him Mark. Quite frankly, I don’t remember seeing Mark, I don’t remember him breaking it up, and I just don’t remember anything about the situation. Basically what I’m thinking is that I took Mark trying to break it up as a sign of aggression, because I was completely out of my mind, and what I did next perfectly sums up the complete lack of consideration for any consequences of my actions when on this dangerous combo.

I proceeded to run, full speed, toward Mark’s motorcycle/sports bike that he had driven to the party and parked out front. Without a single fuck in the world, I jump up and kick the bike over to the curb, completely unaware of the severity of what I had just done. Actually, let me rephrase that; just like with the fight, I DID NOT KNOW I EVEN KICKED HIS BIKE OVER. The only reason I even know I did it other than my gut feeling/5% recollection of it is the text I woke up to from my friend saying “Dude, you’re gonna have to pay for that kids motorcycle…”

The next day was one of my darkest days ever. I was struggling to understand what kind of person I was, and I have absolutely never been filled with more embarrassment and disgust in myself. So many people must have seen me act like a complete monster, not knowing that I was blacked out. Dave and John refuse to talk to me, and Dave said he doesn’t even want to be friends anymore. All I can hope is that emotions settle in the next few days and I’m able to explain to him that I was completely blacked out.

As for the bike, obviously I’m going to pay for it because the last thing I need is a lawsuit on my hands. Thankfully Mark is being really understanding about this and says he understands and all he really wants is for me to get the bike fixed and for it to be over. While I’m glad he isn’t making this a legal matter, I am now going to owe somewhere in the ballpark of $1000 to my dad, who is saving my ass by loaning me this money because I sure as hell don’t currently have it. That doesn’t mean he’s happy about this situation though, in fact he’s far from that.

This all happened 2 days before me writing this, and I’m still very emotional about the whole thing. I’m beyond embarrassed, I feel so fucking sorry that I would vandalize this guy’s bike, and I lost 2 of my great friends. I also can’t stop thinking about the way I must have been acting, Dave said it’s hard to forgive me because I was saying extremely fucked up shit. I didn’t even ask what that means because honestly I don’t even want to know. Who knows how many people I talked to or told to fuck off, what I said or did, anything. Not remembering a single thing is the worst feeling possible.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108303
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Aug 17, 2021	Views: 4,528
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Pharms - Alprazolam (98) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Large Group (10+) (19)