DOSE:

repeated

Ketamine

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

Ketamine is an Insidious Drug

I started using ketamine around 6 months ago and over the next 4 months I K-holed approximately 15 times, sometimes mixing with LSD and various PEAs for some very powerful experiences. A renewed interest in creative writing coincided with the beginning of my ketamine use. Some of my K trips were actually writing themed: crazy hallucinations about the nature of language, obsessing over the concept of literature. During one particularly powerful trip I hallucinated a band of hooded monks commanding me in a booming voice 'Write! Write! Write!' Since then I have developed delusions about being a great prophetic writer (a la David Foster Wallace or Don DeLillo). I convinced myself that I had discovered the solution to mankind's 'spiritual poverty' (radical empathy, the realization that true love is the opposite of solipsism).

The scary thing is how little I actually wrote in that time, especially in light of how much I thought about what a great writer I am/am going to be and all the glory and positive attention I would have once an established writer. I have a single short story to show for these 6 months. After reaching out for some honest feedback I learned that, although thought-provoking, the story is masturbatory and a bit schizo. I was convinced I had written a substantial addition to the western canon. Additionally, I've alienated a lot of people I know with some uncharacteristic violent/unstable behavior on my part (PCP-ish rage on K + various GABAergics), as well as with the delusive superiority complex I talked about above. In the past two weeks or so I've had enough presence of mind to look up from my life and realize how thoroughly entrenched I was in these delusions.

This is a warning to those who do K and those who are thinking about doing K. I am an Ivy League undergrad with an excellent GPA in a STEM major. Ketamine turned me into a selfish deluded person and fucked with my life and I didn't even realize it was happening. I’m sure you all know that ketamine is a short-lasting dissociative. What many don't realize is that ketamine is also a very powerful, subtle, long-lasting dissociative, not in a way that gets you high but in a way that transforms how you go about your life. It will eat at the social and intellectual tethers that keep you grounded in reality. If you do it too much your ego will poison your life. And you won't realize it until it's already happened, because feeding a big ego feels good, and your brain will try its hardest to trick you into continuing to feed that ego.

If you're going to do K, be sure to have mechanisms in place to keep you from getting too dissociated from your life (strong friend network that doesn't involve K, light-hearted hobbies, lots of skepticism regarding any insights you glean from K, set permanent limits on how often you’re going to do K before you start doing it). Just because you can handle heroic doses of acid doesn't mean you're immune to getting seduced by K. Acid is big and in your face. K is far more insidious. Granted, it can be a sublime experience, and it’s one of the most powerful drugs in the psychonaut’s toolkit. But it has a dark side. Be safe.

TL;DR If you’re going to do K, make sure you have mechanisms in place to keep yourself grounded. It doesn’t matter how smart you are, this drug can warp your brain to an extent you wouldn't believe possible.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108775
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Jul 21, 2016	Views: 2,661
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Ketamine (31) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Post Trip Problems (8), Retrospective / Summary (11), Not Applicable (38)