DOSE:	3 g	oral	Mushrooms - P. subaeruginosa	(tea)
			Ginger	(tea)

BODY WEIGHT:

70 kg

My journey with the mushroom began in winter searching and asking mother nature to give me her medicine. I was asking for healing from depression and a deep bitterness that I carry in my soul.

I was blessed to find enough P. Subaeruginosa to gently ease my way into the psychedelic landscape and today have a solid trip which I will be writing about now.

3pm I took 3g dry subs made into a tea with a ginger teabag. I had my set and setting nailed down. I was feeling in the best head space I'd been in for weeks, I'd spent the morning cleaning and tidying my room and balcony. My housemates were home but I told them I was going to spend some time in my room reading and meditating.

10 min after dosing I began to feel a little uncoordinated and weakness in my legs.

20 min in they hit hard and I can remember saying over and over 'oh my god!' in amazement. I felt overwhelmed and in awe. I lay on my bed and told the mushrooms to 'take me' like I imagine the heroine in a trashy paperback would say to her lover.

I was enveloped in a writhing mass of serpentine cables. Within each strand were patterns of incredible intricacy and indescribable beauty. When I entered this space I had a feeling of being home or visiting a familiar place.

Some time later I found myself in a place which can be best described as a mechanic for the mind. I was surprised to find myself here and once I realized what the place was I told 'them' that 'I've come here for healing'. There was no need to describe what the problem was I trusted that my mind was in very good care.

I opened my eyes and was treated to the most incredible display of mandalas in beautiful pulsating colours covering my entire skin and anywhere else I pleased to look.

Eyes closed I saw a strong male form in meditation pose with a series of symbols that left me with the impression that I had encountered The Buddha. He was strong and powerful but emanated kindness and love.

I began to think about my mother, our relationship is strained and I normally find it very difficult to think loving thoughts toward her. I was given a gift of realising how a gift I had given her at Christmas was so much more than just a nice dress. I saw that I had made her feel beautiful and lovely and that is where the joy is. That made me want to do more nice things for people.

My mind wandered to suicide, as it often does. I felt that it would be peaceful and I would just flow and merge with the endless bliss. I felt death is not to be feared but also not to be longed for in my case. As it turns out life is pretty amazing after all...

I gazed into my bathroom mirror and saw myself transform into a green forest nymph. She/I was so beautiful I was transfixed. It was very healing to look in the mirror and be pleased at the reflection. I remained for a while observing and wondering why I'm not kinder to myself.

Laying under a big blue sky on my balcony I watched the patterns in the sky. Birds would fly past and split into many and then dissolve into the fabric of the universe.

I got stuck in a silly thought loop where every time the breeze picked up I would get paranoid that my balcony umbrella was going to tip over. It was a beautiful day and only a slight breeze but in the moment it seemed like it could be a wind storm.

Paranoia remained with me for a while. I was very confused. Why don't the police want me to do this? What is a police? Am I a police? I was struggling to remember what I did for a job and then I'd remember and be confused by the thought of what it was I did anyway. I sat on the balcony for a while trying to figure out if sitting on a balcony was a normal thing for people to do.

Out of the major confusion came the gift of the mushroom. I was given the moment. I realised each moment is a gift and and I can choose what to do in each moment. Why wouldn't I choose to do enjoyable things, why wouldn't I make the most of each day?

I will choose to be kind & loving.

I will choose to act with compassion.

Life is a gift and I'm going to choose each moment to make the best life I can.

By 7pm I was mostly back on Earth and I could interact with my roomies, we had an enjoyable night chatting on my balcony.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111521
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 33
Published: May 21, 2018	Views: 2,234
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Mushrooms - P. subaeruginosa (123) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Alone (16)