DOSE:

50 mg

IM

Ketamine

BODY WEIGHT:

78 kg

I am a healthy young 26 years old male who lives in Pakistan. I have never smoked a cigarette before this experience and never used any other drug or psychedelics like LSD DMT not even cannabis. I got to know about psychedelics online.

I suffer from mild depression because of my bad relationships and I also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks since 2 years.
I tried Ketamine because it was the only drug that I could get easily in my country. There are hard drugs like cocaine and hashish are easily available because Afghanis smuggle here everything but you have to deal with drug dealers for that.

Before using this drug I completed reading the book the ketamine dreams and realities by Karl Jansen and its the best book on ketamine. I was alone at home resting on my bed at 3rd floor under the sky 05 March 2018 enjoying cool breeze of spring 25 degree celcius.

I loaded a injection with only 1 ml because it was a 50mg/ml and I knew I could not bear more than that. Within 2 minutes of giving it a shot there was a buzzing sound in my ear and I was gone. I don't remember the visuals or anything. In the start of the journey because I was fully conscious then I vomitted it gave me some breaths to remember my heart was pounding. I started breathing as fast as I could so that I could control myself and to give myself some relief from anxiety I was having at
that time.

I knew that I am under the effects of K hole so closed my eyes to see if I could see any visuals but there was nothing like that.
It was at the peak of the journey then after few minutes I started seeing square visuals of dark and grey colours. I was totally in black and grey universe. I had no control over my thoughts it was like thoughts don't exist anymore the experience is the only reality.

I thought that I am dead but the thing that was confusing me if I am dead why am I not seeing anything other than visuals. I felt time distortion as well I heard the voice of Azan (Adhan) from the nearby Mosque which was supposed to be recited at 6:00 am.
In the morning and at that time I opened my eyes and it was clear morning sky but it was only the glimpse of that and I thought, I
have spent the whole night here but suddenly I was gone once again.

In the middle of the experience I was trying to convince myself telling myself I know who I am, I know who I am. There was wake and gone sessions in the first hour. Sometimes I felt like I am only a skeleton and I was like where is my body and sometimes I could only see my muscles and I was like where is my body and clothes.

It was the more than worst experience of my life that I thought nothing never existed. I had blurry visions of the stars that I could see clearly before that experiment. I felt euphoria, nausea and vomitted 3 times during that time.

I think it should only be used for medical procedures. I would say the best defination of this drug is The Drug of Near Death Experience. I felt jerky muscle movement, dizziness, drowsiness, nausea, vomiting, extreme fear, severe feeling, hallucinations, and shallow breathing.

I would never use it again but if I ever have to use it again I would only use 10mg dose or even lower dose. Ketamine is a terrible drug it gave me the perception of reality that is beyond imaginable. I am not able to remember all the thoughts I had on that session but I am sure all of those thoughts were superbly strange like I thought as if:
1. I am in Hell
2. I am Dead
3. Sometimes thought that my Family never existed
4. Death and Birth is just an illusion
5. I had memories of my family but thought like it I am not gonna go back to that normal life again.
6. This place is nowhere in the universe and its so scary to be here what would it be like to be in Hell.
7. I have Transformed into an Alien
8. I thought of My Fears and Anxieties that do I have to deal with them again if things get normal.
9. Forgot the Self and even the meaning of self.
10. Someone is Pulling the carpet of black n white square visuals under my foots and I am looking downwards.

The next day life, world, people looked a bit strange because of what I experienced on this MOAD (Mother of All Drugs).

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111723
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Mar 14, 2018	Views: 1,435
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Ketamine (31) : Difficult Experiences (5), Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Alone (16)