DOSE:

45 mg

oral

4-HO-MET

BODY WEIGHT:

60 kg

After disappointing results from AL-LAD and ETH-LAD, I decided to return to a favorite of mine one last time before moving on to other psychedelics. Having dosed previously at 20, 24, and 35mg, I felt comfortable enough to shoot for the mid 40s, expecting a strong but manageable trip. I had not taken a psychedelic since an aborted experiment with ETH-LAD in early June, and had not properly “tripped” since my last metocin dose last October.

I dosed in the afternoon, waiting out the comeup with a couple videos. Within 15 minutes, colors began to pop, and I started to feel light and giggly. I packed some water and a portable battery, got on a bike, and set off to ride through an isolated area in a nearby park. The pavement spawned ornate, carpet-like patterns, and trees duplicated themselves, as if copy-pasted in a drawing program. Blues, greens, and browns pulsated and shimmered gently, and my smile grew as I took in the sights. Closing my eyes, I could see orange and blue sunflower patterns twisting and turning. Expecting the effects to gently rise to a plateau, I kept riding deeper into the forest, following a gently flowing river of soil.

About an hour and a half in, the trip ramped up suddenly. Swirling colors engulfed my field of view. I lost my sense of direction, and my thoughts looped faster and faster until…well, I’m not sure what happened. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a breakthrough or ego death; I think I just blacked out momentarily. Emerging from the confusion, I continued on, pulse rate high, sweating bullets, thoughts still racing, sense of direction fading, until I reached a clearing on the trail. The sky shaped itself into a dome enclosing the clearing, with texture repetition wrapping the same few trees around. There, I laid back in the reeds, resting my head on my backpack, and all tension in my body dissolved. I retrieved a pair of plush animals I had brought as comfort items, and watched with them in awe as the clouds morphed into giant snowflakes and sparkling diamonds, reshaping themselves in time with my music, moving me to tears. I waved to the birds and planes above me as they trailed afterimages, with my own hands blurring the scene further.

The clearing had become a dream world, in which anything and everything was possible. I wanted to get up, run around, and dance among the multiplying reeds, but restrained myself; although rare, people did pass through this area, and I would be hard pressed to explain myself in my current state of mind. I settled for pacing around, enjoying the gentle brush of the wind and vegetation around me.

Minutes stretched to hours, but eventually, I decided to leave the clearing, and begin my journey home. On the way, my mind swung between blissful, innocent happiness and frightened concern for myself and my plush friends, especially when I passed other people in the park. The world was filled with magic, yet rife with danger. However, I never really panicked; some part of me still remembered that I was only tripping, and I was able to ask myself where this conflict was coming from—I felt uncertain about how I handled my relationships with other people, whether I made enough of an effort to reach out and engage my friends. This force provoking these questions was not really an “entity” or outside/higher presence the way I’ve seen it described in other intense experiences—it felt more like sober, “rational” me in the background, calming and reassuring tripping me, like a parent comforting a child. I’ve never been religious or even spiritual, so that might have played into my perception of this experience.

The visuals gradually receded over the next few hours, and the more grounded presence began to take control of the trip. The frantic energy of the peak and plateau settled down to a more contemplative feeling. As child me and adult me waved goodbye to each other, I came home, prepared dinner, and allowed myself to relax as I finally drifted down to baseline.

A month later, I’m still not sure what to make of it all. But I am forever grateful for having the opportunity to enter this world of limitless energy and child-like wonder. I have always been a quiet, reserved person, and have tried throughout my life to become more outgoing. I’d like to think my experiences with metocin have helped nudge me a bit further in that direction. In due time, I’ll get there.

Thanks for reading.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111854
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Apr 25, 2018	Views: 1,329
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4-HO-MET (436) : Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53), General (1)