DOSE: T+ 0:00	450 mg	oral	Pharms - Bupropion
T+ 0:00	900 mg	oral	Pharms - Lithium
T+ 0:00	200 mg	oral	Tryptophan - 5-HTP
T+ 0:00	500 mg	oral	Tyrosine
T+ 0:00	25 mg	oral	4-AcO-DMT
T+ 4:15		oral	Pharms - Lorazepam

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

Psychedelics Can Facilitate Trauma Work

I took 25 mg 4-AcO-DMT when I had been depressed for several days (I am bipolar type 1, with mixed episodes), stressed with work (self-employed, hard-working and dedicated) and had been having trouble recently. I took a half day (only time I've ever done this) and headed home, planning to take 4-AcO-DMT to address my depression as well as provide the clarity and insight I usually get with tryptamines. In addition to this compound I had taken buproprion 450 mg, lithium 900 mg (out of 2100 mg total), 5-HTP 200 mg, and L-Tyrosine 500 mg. I am a generally healthy individual with a good diet and am in excellent physical shape, which has always contributed to my ability to work with plant spirits and other entities accessed through a pharmalogical agent.

I dosed at around 4:30 pm. 25 mg was ridiculously strong, comparable to 7 g of psilocybin for me. I have taken psilocybin about 10 times in doses ranging from 3.5 - 7 g, most often between 4-6. I have also smoked DMT-enhanced leaf a comparable amount of times, with some experiences of breakthrough and hyperspace. In both cases the perception is of communicating with a divine entity which gives instructions and things for healing and growth.

I recognize Western science hasn't validated this perception but with these experiences I feel comfortable simply speaking as I subjectively experience it, without asserting that it has insights into objective truth.

4-AcO-DMT to me seemed absolutely to combine elements of psilocybin and DMT. I communed with spirit entities and god-beings. The come-up was quite smooth! I heard the entities communicate with me and give me instructions (the latter a common feature of my mushroom trips). I observed some tightness and anxiety in my chest, and they advised that I run a block or two to open up -- I realized later this was not only to make me feel better but to make it easier to work with me.

My session largely consisted of trauma work, beginning shortly after my dose, because I was in an orphanage in a very poor country for the first 1.5 years of my life.

I began to feel emotional, and, knowing what was to come next because of previous trauma work with mushrooms, I went inside and upstairs to my room. I was fully prepared for this and placed all my trust in the entities. The entities gave me instructions and I listened to every part, both before and during the trauma release, where I was on my bed.

It was interesting leading up to the trauma release part because they gave instructions I didn't expect, e.g. whereas on the mushroom trip I had done the trauma work with my clothes on -- also on my bed -- this time they told me to take my all my clothes off. It was like submitting to the entities, and I just resignedly followed each step. I was accepting the humble and unquestioning role of the creature receiving the healing. I am always prepared to do this and take on this role humbly and gratefully, even though the tone was nearly somber (with the understanding and complete trust that this was ultimately to my benefit/healing).

I experienced regression to childhood and it was healing to recall what that child yearned to express and to repeat it and act it out during this sacred ritual. They encouraged me to make it messy, raw and visceral -- I brought with me a hand towel which I used for tears and saliva.

Also, as I've experienced with psilocybin before, when I went to this place of working through childhood trauma (though this trip was by far the farthest I've ever gone), I experienced myself as an alien baby. Perhaps this was from the perspective of the entities.

I felt I had entered another realm/dimension, which is characteristic of my breakthrough DMT trips, although it was more like the realm(s) lined my room to create a portal which bordered my room and through which I could see the entities. There was also a moment that they permitted me to look through the building, through the earth and into where space was at that moment, though they showed it to me rather than me asking. Once again, this is all as I perceived it then, and I am not necessarily saying that these experiences corresponded to objective reality (if the reader believes in that anyway).

Lastly, I saw my ego disappear, or rather move to the fringes where it was far less influential than it normally is. Intermittently during my session I screamed contemptuously at my ego as well. The entities commented that my work with meditation helped with this and will continue to help me if I keep up the practice. I recently got back into meditation, using the Power 20 method of 5 minutes twice a day for a week, then 10, then 15, ultimately plateauing at 20 minutes 2x/day, though as of the trip I was early into 15 minutes 2x/day. A year before I had sustained 20 minutes 2x/day for 6-8 weeks.

All of this was under the watch of the god-beings and spirit entities. It's difficult to describe them as anything but that. Alex Grey's work is a helpful reference point for imagining them, though.

Besides the trauma work session I received practical life lessons from the entities, as is routine in psilocybin and DMT. I feel immensely, humbly grateful and look forward to communing with them and receiving lessons and insight and instructions again, when the time is right.
...
However the experience took a downward turn because after the session I noticed that the only window I didn't check was open, and it was right across from my room. At this point I proceeded calmly, breathing deeply and slowly, and asked the entity how I should proceed. I eventually got dressed and composed a two-sided explanatory apology note but certainly would not be speaking with my neighbors in person.

The doorbell indeed rang, and I spent a few hours thinking about their having heard me. The next day I cleaned up my composition and went to the doors nearby. Four people weren't home, but two responded and said they hadn't heard anything, which made me feel better.

Unfortunately, shortly following all this, i.e. between 7 and 8:45 pm, I wanted to go to bed but the trip developed into a sort of psychosis. None of the many rooms in the house, where I was alone, were viable environments for sleeping because I was bombarded with rhythms that were either the clock or twice as fast, and in various parts of my room.

This was hellish, harrowing and nightmarish. I texted a mentor who is familiar with extreme states and helped me stay at least a little grounded and connected. This was slightly soothing to be connected with someone I trust. I was tripping so hard that it was incredibly hard to type, which never in my history of taking psychedelics has happened, even though I've taken high doses before. This speaks to the strength of the 25 mg 4-AcO-DMT.

Eventually I took histamines (NyQuil) and one lorazepam pill (I do not remember the dosage but it was in a bottle which said 'take 1/2 to 1 tablet once a day' or something. The medication did not belong to me but the person to whom it did later told me it was okay).

These things helped me calm down immediately. I curled up in my bed and finished my conversation with my mentor. By 8:45 pm the rhythms were gone. I fell asleep.

I don't know exactly when the hellish part of the trip developed but certainly after 7 pm and most likely a little later. I was telling my mentor it had been taking place for several hours whereas in reality it was a much shorter time. This speaks to the distorted time perception. In retrospect it was mostly a problem because I was trying to sleep while the trip was still going. Next time I will try to go outside.

This is the second psychotic episode (if this term is accurate) I've had with psychedelics -- the other time was on 7 g of psilocybin when I was also alone. In that situation there was a sudden power outage in the house and I believed I caused it, which led to a whole downward spiral of negative and paranoid thoughts, believing the authorities had arrived and I would no longer have a life. It was when I went outside that the delusions and paranoia finally melted away that time with the mushrooms. The lowest I had ever felt, but I am grateful for the lessons it offered. I mention this other experience briefly just to say that I describe both of them as psychotic and delusional.

I don't know if this downward turn and psychosis was due to other chemicals I took, multiple external circumstances, my decisions, 4-AcO DMT itself, etc. I suspect it involves all of them, but to what extent for each aspect I don't know.

The following day I felt optimistic though a little off. I would do it over with exactly the same outcomes if I could, because the trauma work session under the supervision of divine entities was one of the most profound experiences I've had in my life, and it was toward the end of healing from developmental trauma.

This trip report is imperfect and I will probably think of additional things after submitting it, but I believe I've conveyed the most important elements of it. Thanks very much for reading. Be well.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112306
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Jun 1, 2021	Views: 582
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4-AcO-DMT (387) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3), General (1)