DOSE:	repeated	oral	Amphetamines	(pill / tablet)
	repeated	insufflated	Amphetamines	(ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

My story begins with getting diagnosed as ADHD and Major Depressive, as I'm sure many amphetamine abuse stories do. I'm prescribed 30mg Adderall XR along with some useless SSRI antidepressants. The Adderall really helped for a while but it stopped helping not a month later. I decide to take two one day, and I reinforced it with a strong cup of matcha green tea. I notice this feels really good. I was jobless and quite depressed so this, as you can imagine, escalated. I get sent home with a script for a 90 count of 30mg Adderall XR’s. I’m blown away by getting so much, The Amphetamine Devil on my shoulder was surely wringing his hands in delight.

The same night I decide I'm going to take these differently. I read somewhere about crushing up XR to negate the extended release and get the full strength at once. I'm unsure how true this is but crushing them up into a powder also let me snort them. I would do this maybe twice a week, staying up the whole night watching porn, because watching porn on Adderall was something completely different, it was as good, and quite possibly better than sex. I was doing maybe 90mg a night, most of it went down the hatch but I would always save enough for a rail to bump when I felt I needed it.

My supply soon ran out. I told myself I had to stop this, and I felt I had the discipline to stop, that is until I was once again given another 90 count bottle of them.

That night I would start a binge like no other. It began with my normal 90mg/3 pills a night. I would take the powder, and jack it to my heart's content. I also had an ounce of subpar weed (70 bucks at the recreational store, couldn't turn it down), but that didn't matter, the bong rips were pure euphoria regardless.

The way I felt under these drugs was pure, unfiltered delight and satisfaction towards anything I laid my eyes on. It brought back the joy and colour that depression was robbing me of. I could look at these girls in porn and appreciate and find arousal in them to the fullest extent possible. There was no distraction, just them.

This went on for nearly three weeks. I would occasionally pass out sitting upright, but would wake right back up and continue my binge. My taste in porn got stranger and more specific as I went on, by the end of it I was exclusively into sockjobs (exactly what it sounds like, footjobs with socks on) and platform heels. I was escalating into 6, 7, 8 pills a night, half of it up my nose. In the last few days anything I focused on, mostly faces, would swirl like oil in water, almost like a moving Damascus steel. It was fairly psychedelic. I would also notice black shapes ebbing in and out of the periphery of my visions.

It all came crashing down one early morning, I’m still wired from my night of bingeing, I load a bowl of weed and rip away. I continue to jerk my half limp and battered penis. I then feel a cold sweep over me, my dick instantly deflates, I feel very not right, I go to the bathroom and douse my face with water, the whole time I’m thinking “oh no, oh no, I really fucked up bad”. I then begin to have the worst panic attack of my life, I am certain my heart has stopped, I'm running room to room flipping my shit, beating my chest, I pass out, fall on the floor, vomit and then get right back up. I call 911 screaming my head off that I've overdosed. I get rushed to the hospital. The most shame I have ever had washes over me. I eventually wake up in the hospital. A guy younger than me is consoling my weeping mother. The guy has a bandage over his neck, he attempted suicide by cutting his own throat I later learn. He wishes me luck as I leave the hospital, I really wish I said more back to him but I was so frazzled and didn’t know what to say. I hope he is doing well.

I’m ashamed to say that a week after this fiasco, I took my remaining six in a two night mini-binge, as soon as I saw those pills any resolve I had went out the window. I haven't touched any amphetamine since.

I’m doing much better nowadays. I’m no longer depressed, thanks to a life-changing mushroom trip. I often long for just one more taste of sweet, sweet Adderall though. Amphetamines are very dangerous, the best way I can describe them is that they press the ‘Good’ button in my brain over and over, and that can lead to some dark places, there is no drug I have ever done that sticks in my memory like Adderall. I feel I will always desire it but I’m steering well clear of it. Be VERY cautious if you ever plan to experiment with amphetamines, it was addictive like nothing else.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 112477
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Nov 11, 2018	Views: 2,847
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Amphetamines (6) : Alone (16), Sex Discussion (14), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)