DOSE: T+ 0:00		oral	4-HO-MET
T+ 1:00	15 mg	oral	4-HO-MET
T+ 8:40	25 mg	oral	4-HO-MET

BODY WEIGHT:

80 kg

First Psychedelic Experience

I really prepared my first trip; read all possible topics learned a maximum about the substance.

It started all around 10Am I cleaned my flat prepared everything, took a shower. I slightly dipped my finger to make an allergy test. 1h later, my body didnīt show any allergic reaction so I started by taking 15mg and went straight to woods.

Walking into the woods, I started feeling the effects. I was total a full hour in the woods, I reached a bench where I could see the whole town, the lights were amazing but I wasnīt seeing any open eyes fractals or illusions. Around 5pm I decided to walk back home it was already really dark, (it's winter in Germany) the drug kicked in, but I was feeling more as If I had taken some MDMA than anything else.

6:40pm I took another full dose guessing I was around 40-50mg total. Time was going somehow faster, I had the feeling that 1m had passed, but as I looked into my watch 16m were already gone.

I went to the toilet, as Iīm sitting there I notice the floor tiles start to vibrate to the rhythm of my music, I start to uncontrollably laugh, I was finding funny how retarded I must look looking so fascinated at the floor tiles. I started to make my way back to the living room I was discovering my flat again, I wanted to see some fractal pictures on my tv. I was sitting in front of my tv, and at this point everything was warping and moving. Using the tv controller was unbelievably hard, It was making me laugh even more. A colleague called me; he was supposed to call me in 5h to see if I was still alive, I was speaking to him than all of the sudden, I couldnīt talk normal anymore. I was gone!

I was sitting on the floor and I just thought; what if I would have a bad trip. All the sudden things went spiraling down towards a bad trip. I panicked, was feeling very anxious having a full panic attack, I was terrified to go mad, to be back from my trip and live in an empty body without a mind, conscience or soul. At this moment I called some experienced user from my homeland, they understood me and started sending me to a more positive wave, telling me everything would be fine I managed to go back from my bad trip. At this point, the experience became more therapeutic. I started watching light wall Disney movies. And a lot of question started popping out in my head, I have had many mental problems that I wasnīt aware of, I was fully awaken talking with myself, my true self in another place and dimension in my own room, the visuals where definitely still there but I wasnīt paying attention, I was talking with my subconsciousness. My problems and faults where showing right into my face, one problem at the time one question at the time. It was not overwhelming. This moment felt like an eternity, time had stopped. I answered questions to myself like; what happens after death, where do we come from and all sort of twisted mysteries that where bothering me. I believe I created my own religion that night.

I was slowly coming down, I looked into my clock, 7h had passed I went back to the wood where I was before, oddly the bench looked much prettier than before; I never felt so light and free in my entire life. I do believe I had ego death. I laughed and cried a lot, it was somehow a truly therapeutic experience. I did understand as well why psychedelics are so dangerous; I was in places and time no mind could ever imagine. I guess if you go too far, the time your mind takes to come back to your body it may be too late, the time on earth isnīt the same as in those dimensions, some goes slower others faster and in others there is no time at all.

I was still feeling a bit of panic when I was back from the woods I took a sleeping tea and went to sleep.

I can say that this trip permanently changed my way to be and see things, I believe in a positive way. I will definitely need some time before I try it again.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112564
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Apr 5, 2019	Views: 1,182
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4-HO-MET (436) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Personal Preparation (45), First Times (2), Alone (16)