DOSE:

10-20 seeds

oral

H.B. Woodrose

(ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT:

200 lb

Background:
I am well experienced with psychedelics. I'll try just about anything once. I like to be alone when I trip, although I understand that this is not recommended, especially if there is a possibility of losing yourself in the trip.

I have tripped on HBWR seeds many times before this particular experience. The first time I tried them, I ate 10 seeds, which became my standard dose. I never bothered scraping the outer coating or making extractions or any of that. I simply crushed the seeds into a coarse pile of crumbs and swallowed them.

To make a long story short, I discovered that HBWR seeds are a double-edged sword: on the one hand, my mind expands, like opening the aperture on a telescope, but at the same time, it comes with intense nausea and stomach cramps. At the peak of the trip, perfect understanding comes to me. For a brief moment, the universe and reality will make sense, I can feel Love, I can feel the presence of God. But when I finally come down, it feels more like a dream and the insights slowly fade. Music and art are absolutely mind blowing and feelings of euphoria wash over me. But again, it is balanced with nausea and painful stomach cramps.

One More Piece of Backstory:
As far as I know, I have never heard of anyone dying from HBWR seeds, so for the trip before my most recent experience, I decided to increase the dosage to 15 seeds, just to see what might happen. Again, no special preparations except crushing and swallowing the seeds. All the same feelings and sensations came back as I described above.

It takes about 1-3 hours to peak. But this time something happened that I was not expecting and which terrified me. Simply put, I died. As I stated at the beginning, I can’t say for sure if that is what happened, I am only saying that this is what it felt like. I had laid down face first on the floor and shut my eyes because it helps me ignore some of the nausea and stomach pain. But when I opened my eyes, the room was still. I was still. I was dead. Time stopped. I felt the presence of God enter me. Together we looked back on my life and watched some of the highlights, focusing on some major events that shaped my life. It didn’t really take that long, but after it was over I became very sad. I didn’t really want to die.

Many people say they are ready to die, and they do foolish things to test that belief, but the reality is, you never really know if you’re ready to die until it’s happening. I felt very sad at the prospect of dying and told God that there were still things I wanted to do. God told me I didn’t have to die, all I had to do was breath. And in that moment, I realized I wasn’t breathing. I took in a massive lung of air and starting to come back. Everything was fine after that. Breathing still had to be done manually, for the most part, but if you practice breathing meditation it’s not so difficult to deal with. It’s also worth noting that I didn’t sleep for 3 days afterwards.

Now With 20 Seeds:
As I said, it’s only what it felt like. I’m sure it wasn’t literal, actual death, so it allowed me to remain confident enough to try again, this time with 20 seeds. Once more, lightly crushed and swallowed. These two trips were about half a year apart. HBWR seeds are too intense to do frequently, and even then, I am not kidding, these seeds are no joke, IT IS PAINFUL. I had to gather up a lot of courage to do it. It takes about 1-3 hours to peak. The way I get through the trips is to lay in bed with the lights off and listen to uplifting music. I keep something nearby in case I need to throw up. I keep some water nearby because I might become dehydrated. I know it’s disgusting, but I also keep a container nearby to urinate in. It can be tremendously difficult to walk far enough to make it to the bathroom, especially when I need to concentrate on breathing and not having a panic attack and standing up makes me dizzy. But the most important part of getting through this trip is to have an unshakable faith that no matter what physical discomforts I am going through, I will eventually return to baseline. DO NOT PANIC. Remember to breath, and the pain and the trip will pass with time.

Now you may ask: why? Why go through this hellish nightmare of a trip? Is it really worth it? The reason why I keep suffering through hell for a psychedelic insight is because I believe it to be thematic of life. Wisdom cannot be gained without an understanding of what it means to be wrong. Tranquility cannot be gained without an understanding of suffering. Growth cannot be gained without an understanding of pain. During the peak of the trip when stomach cramps were the worst, that is when I started to regret having eaten the seeds and when I became desperate enough to call out to God to take the pain away. That’s when the presence of God washed over me and helped me get through the experience.

What happened next is impossible to put into words, but I’ll try. Maybe the words will speak to you, maybe not.

God communicated with me, in a language of feeling. This is why I always listen to uplifting music, because God can speak through the music. God was speaking to me through all my sensual inputs. God let me know that everything was going to be fine if I only had faith. Communicating with God was sort of like looking at a beautiful painting. Everyone sees it differently. I was only able see what I was ready to comprehend. I understood why God created the Universe, why evil is allowed to exist, why pain exists. God did it because despite all the negative consequences, there exists something within this reality that is so beautiful, so glorious, so wonderful, that it justifies everything: Love. Not the simple, shallow version of love that we humans casually toss around here on Earth, but Love. God’s Love. And it is God’s Love that defies the impossible. God’s Love is so powerful and so beautiful that it can create a Universe out of nothing. It defeats Death itself. And when I comprehended this Love, a bliss washed over me. I sobbed uncontrollably because it was so astonishingly beautiful, and God, who is so powerful and benevolent, gave up a tiny slice of infinite time to share it with me. God told me that it is my purpose here to seek out that Love, to learn to cultivate it in myself, so that I might be One with God in Eternity.

That’s what it felt like anyway.

I can't remember that many specific details, because that is the nature of the trip. At one point I did throw up when I tried to stand. After that, I spent about 6 hours or so in bed just listening to music sort of half asleep, contemplating life. I had to breath manually. I had to occasionally move my arms and legs to shake out numbness. My heart beat was elevated. It felt like I was on the verge of dying, but I always remained confident that it was just in my head. I didn't get much sleep the first night, but I slept for 12 hours straight each of the following two nights.

I don’t recommend trying HBWR seeds. It took me about 72 hours to really return back to baseline. I had an overwhelming compulsion to adopt a religion and preach on social media to my family and friends about God, but after three days when I finally came back down, the only thing that was left was a memory, like a dream, and I wondered, did it really happen?

I'm not sure if I will ever do it again. It's just so difficult to get through the experience. Honestly I think I've learned as much as I want to know from the seeds. So in conclusion, let me say this: there's nothing like suffering to make you appreciate the good times, and there's nothing like dying to make you appreciate life.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 112989
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 30
Published: Apr 10, 2019	Views: 1,700
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
H.B. Woodrose (26) : General (1), Entities / Beings (37), Retrospective / Summary (11), Alone (16)