DOSE: T+ 0:00	0.5 hits	buccal	LSD	(blotter / tab)
T+ 1:30	0.3 tablets	oral	MDMA
T+ 0:00	2 mg	oral	Pharms - Lorazepam	(pill / tablet)
T+ 2:30	0.7 tablets	oral	MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

58 kg

This trip was actually super intense for me, even more than my very first trip. The trip itself was quite hazy (probably due to the amount of different classes of drugs in my system) and what I'm gonna write here is mostly what I can recall and what my 2 best friends told me.

The actual trip:
I had 1 1/2 tabs of my LSD leftover from my previous trip, I split them equally into 3 so that I can trip with my 2 best friends. All 3 of us took about 110ug at the same time and waited about 30-45 mins before spitting them out. I went into the trip thinking that 110ug isnt gonna do shit to me since previously I took 440ug in one sitting and I managed to come out of it alive and sane; boy was I wrong.

1 hour into the trip I wasnt feeling anything and I thought ok if this doesnt work in the next half hour I'm gonna take the 1 part of the XTC to intensify it. The atmosphere was somehow pretty tense so my 2 other best friends were elsewhere and in their own worlds so I was all alone in the room. 30 mins later I still wasnt feeling shit except that now my vision is somewhat vibrating but I wanted to feel more so I decided to take 1 part of the XTC pill which I previously split into 3.

20 mins after ingesting the pill, my body felt extremely heavy while sitting down and I kept having tingling sensations from my neck all the way to my toes. I was sitting on a chair and when I got up to go to the bed to lie down, I almost fell off the chair because the moment I got up, my body suddenly went from heavy to full on weightless like I was in space with no gravity, almost like I was floating in space. I managed to get to the bed to lie down and this is where it all goes south.

My chest started feeling fucking heavy, like I needed to take extremely big gasps of air, the tingling sensations now felt like its making my hands and feet numb and making them curl, all the while I tried to calm myself down and relax but the more I tried to fight the feelings the more my anxiety worsened and the last straw was when it got so bad, my brain told me if I dont do something I will die. I went to the medicine box to dig for my Lorazepam to kill the high but my vision was hazy and blur and my fingers were so curled up like a lobster claw that I couldnt even search for it properly. I freaked the fuck out and I was so convinced that without the benzos I was gonna die so I stumbled to the door to frantically call for 1 of my best friend who was surprisingly not tripping hard. I couldnt even call for her help properly cuz my speech was so slurred I thought I was gonna have a stroke or heart attack. Thankfully she heard me and she quickly placed me on the bed. Now this is where my memories became hazy and this is what she told me.

According to her, I kept screaming and pleading for her to open my fingers and I kept saying if she doesnt help me my fingers are gonna fall off. She said I was rolling on the bed and freaking out all the while screaming that I'm gonna die and begging her to save me. I dont recall much but I remember feeling death or impending doom and something inside me kept saying to let everything go and surrender to the universe but I couldnt, I couldnt even cry. I thought that if I surrendered myself I really will die right there and then, I was like in some sort of loop. I remember begging her to end it all to end this suffering because it felt like I was in hell. She then forced 2 lorazepam pills into my mouth (at this point I didnt know wtf it was as I was already gone mentally and my mind just told me its some magical pills) and she told me that everything is fine and that its all in my head. I remember hugging her and she told me to let it all out but I still couldnt, I still was freaking out and trying to cry at the same time.

She then told me shes going out to find my male best friend because I was beginning to turn hysterical and I kept shouting and begging her to not leave me alone or I will die. At this point I couldnt open my eyes no matter how hard I tried to, in the darkness I kept seeing streaks of light and some minor geometrical shapes. I felt like I was not in control of my body and no matter how hard I tried to open my eyes and fingers and relax, I couldnt, like something or someone was controlling them. Next thing I know, my hands were in a bucket of ice and my fingers were beginning to open slightly again and I could open my eyes. Apparently, my male best friend came in with a bucket of ice and dunked my hands inside to give me a sense of reality. The coldness suddenly woke me up and I slowly began to come back to reality, tho I still felt very dazed and confused. My hands still felt stiff so I asked him to massage my hands while my other best friend went to the kitchen to get an orange. I calmed down a bit after ravaging the orange like some kind of maniac, it was as tho the orange was my life saver, according to them I literally devoured the whole orange WITH the skin like some deranged person, but yes at that time I really felt if I dont eat the orange whole I will die, looking back its actually quite funny.

After about an hour, my body began to feel normal again so I decided to take the rest of the XTC, which looking back I felt like I wasted it since I didnt realised I was given benzos during my crazy intense trip 2 hours ago until they told me after the whole trip ended and benzos are literally trip killers. However, I still felt the warmth and empathy XTC gives but I wasnt feeling the party high it usually gives. The come down was absolutely clean, the cleanest out of all the street XTC pills I have taken over years, I didnt even realise I was coming down except that I felt extremely worn out when I got home, I just knocked out peacefully on my bed.

The next day I asked my 2 best friends what happened to me during the trip and they both told me I almost had a full blown ego death without me realising it while describing what I was doing. My male best friend who is a much more experienced acid user than me told me that the reason why I couldnt open my fingers and feet or cry was because my soul wanted to let go and surrender to the universe but my mind and body was fighting it therefore instead of crying and letting everything go, the negative energies in my body decide to attack my hands and feet which made me so sure that I'm gonna die, he said if I just cried and let go, I wouldve experienced a full blown ego death. He told me I did somehow experience partial ego death because I told him I felt I was gonna die but I was just too scared to let go.

This experience may seem like its negative but on the contrary its actually a very enlightening experience even tho it scared the living shit out of me, sort of like a spiritual awakening. I am now more in tuned with my mind and intuition and I feel even more connected to the universe than before (I was born a Catholic but lost my faith a few years ago and I stopped believing in a higher power, be it God or the universe, tho now I align more with spirituality than religion). This trip made me look at the world in a more spiritual way and made me realise that I have alot of pent up emotions and hurt from my past and I need to let all of them go before I can attain full unity and be one with myself and the world.

LSD hit me when I least expected it. I went into the trip thinking it wont do shit to me but it changed me and I came out of it more spiritually aware, not before scaring the living hell out of me and making me think I really was dying.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 113045
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Jul 8, 2019	Views: 976
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