DOSE:

40 mg

Morphine

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

I'm a long-time pain patient. My experiences with morphine involve euphoria, but I want to describe euphoria. I notice that word used in reports, and I think, Heck, saying 'euphoria' is really saying nothing. The euphoria of cocaine, I assume, is a different thing from morphine.

Mine is somewhat hallucinatory. Maybe it's because I have borderline personality and synesthesia. While not fully hallucinatory, (I know it's not real), more like a vivid daydream, but someone else has the controls. (I'm also totally blind--born that way.) No visuals, just a strong sense of someone, a girl, sitting beside me. A girl I've always called Morphine. Sometimes I get the feel of silk or sparkly things touching my hands. A lot of very smooth sleek fur.

I'll never forget the first time I had a shot of morphine in the hospital. The glass-smooth single hair of a Persian cat stroked down my left cheek. Sometimes I've had the illusory feel of a champagne flute in my hands. This is just morphine, not anything else. I also hear my eldest sister's voice in my head, or sometimes my mother's. When I walk around my apartment, Morphine walks behind me, one moment just following behind me, another carrying my train, as though I wore a silken dress with cold, smooth sequins or lace.

The other euphoric aspect is laughter. I'm listening to an old-time radio program, and suddenly laugh out loud. Something the actor said struck me funny. One night, when I first was prescribed both morphine and oxycodone, while I slept, I dreamed I was at the [Canadian charitable organization], where I used to work. Sitting at a crowded cafeteria table, with lots of folk chatting, a coworker said something. We all started to laugh. I woke up laughing. Meanwhile, I could feel my brain commanding me to laugh, both in a half-heard voice, and an electrical impulse.

This is what I mean by euphoria. These illusory feelings of a companion beside me, a girl companion, and tactile beauty: glass slippers with silken bows, touching or wearing sleekly smooth dresses of silk with things that sparkle under my fingers, like very smooth glass or jewels. I feel like a princess or a movie star sometimes. When I touch my cat, particularly against my face and forehead, her fur fluffs up so much it's like whipped cream. Often, I half-hear the word "sparkle' in my head. As if my brain is still looking for visuals it has never known. And always, beside me stands or sits Morphine: a girl whose touch is light, or right now, the daydream feeling changed. It's as if a man is hugging me, and I can both feel the embrace from the outside, and from the inside, as if some part of me were hugging my soul.

Well, that's euphoria as well as I can describe it.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 113322
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 53
Published: Jul 4, 2019	Views: 2,089
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Morphine (211) : Unknown Context (20), Entities / Beings (37), Medical Use (47), Retrospective / Summary (11)