DOSE: T+ 0:00	175 mg	oral	Pharms - Lamotrigine	(daily)
T+ 0:00	112.5 mg	oral	Pharms - Venlafaxine	(daily)
T+ 0:00	50 mg	rectal	Ketamine
T+ 0:40	1.2 ml	oral	GBL
T+ 1:10	40 mg	insufflated	Ketamine
T+ 1:20		inhaled	Inhalants - Nitrites
T+ 1:40	1.2 ml	oral	GBL
T+ 1:50	40 mg	insufflated	Ketamine
T+ 2:20	40 mg	insufflated	Ketamine
T+ 3:00	50 mg	rectal	Ketamine

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

Substance Background:
I recently started using Ketamine recreationally, first at techno parties and gradually at home for relaxation. I have never reached what I would consider a full K-hole (OOB experience/ego-death/hallucinations), but have definitely teetered on the edge of this at much higher doses (>100mg), with limbs seeming to stretch and bend in all directions. At the time of this experience, I had been doing ketamine semi-regularly for around 4 months, and view the drug as spiritually stimulating as opposed to a ‘party drug’. With ketamine, I am typically clear-headed. I previously only had experience insufflating Ketamine, but within a week of this experience, had began experimenting with the rectal ROA.

I have been using GBL for around the same time period, occasionally during parties, but mostly at home with friends to enhance emotional connections and relax. This is typically at moderate doses (~1.2mL), and I feel more of a chill/clear-headed tipsy feeling as opposed to being ‘fucked up’. I have combined the drugs in low doses in the past, but never had never tried GBL after rectal administration of Ketamine. This was my mistake. In the past, I have experimented with LSD, benzodiazepines, and marijuana. I am medicated for depression and anxiety and have been on these medications for around 8 years. (SNRI Venlafaxine and mood stabilizer Lamotrigine)

Setting:
I planned to go to a big EDM concert with my friend “C,” a close friend and frequent party buddy. My boyfriend “T” stayed at home for the evening with my roommate “S.” The GBL ingested was from a reliable source that I have tried many times before, so I am aware of my comfortable dosage. The Ketamine was from a new source, and seemed legit after testing with Marquis and Liebermann reagent tests, though these reagents do not rule out 2F-DCK or other similar analogues. I ate approximately 3 hours prior to (T 0:00).

Experience:

(T 0:00) 50mg Ketamine rectal ROA
C and I planned to rectally administer Ketamine at my home prior to leaving for the concert. This was his first time rectally administering, and I had been doing this for around 2 weeks. This was, however, my first time using this batch of K for rectal ROA.

The preparation here is important: I read about a ROA that results in much greater absorption rates and availability, targeting the blood vessels in the walls of the anal canal rather than of the rectum. With this method, 50mg results in a much stronger effect than the same dosage insufflated (a relatively moderate dose), and is much stronger than suggested on Erowid’s dosage chart. First, I dissolve 50mg of Ketamine HCl in 1mL of lukewarm water. I draw the ketamine into a standard 1mL oral syringe, and insert around 5cm of the (lubricated) syringe into my anus. I then release the fluid slowly, ensuring that it remains nearer to the anal canal than the rectum. This entire process is done standing to reinforce the focus on the anal walls rather than the rectum.

At this point, C and I have administered the dosage. C had already ingested 1.2mL of GBL around 30 minutes earlier. Within 5 minutes of Ketamine ingestion, he is very high and dizzy. He feels that he is in a dream as he listens to roommate S sharing a story. Within 10mins of ingestion, as we wait for the Uber to the concert, he is very nauseous and vomits outside. He lays down throughout the 20 minute Uber ride to ease the motion sickness. The K has hit me only subtly, and I just feel relaxed with a nice body high.

(T 0:40) 1.2mL GBL oral
10 minutes prior to arriving at the concert, I ingest a capsule filled with 1.2mL of GBL liquid, with 1mg/1mL concentration. I do not have a problem with motion sickness, and anticipate that I will feel the effects once I arrive.

(T 1:00)
We are having issues at the venue with our tickets. I do not really feel the K, but the GBL has begun to kick in. I am quite frustrated with the girl who sold us a tickets, since she is unresponsive and my high is picking up. I feel a very nice tenderness in my gums (an odd sensation akin to flossing?) from which the euphoria seems to flow. Finally, a security guard feels bad for us and lets us in despite the ticketing issue.

(T 1:10) 40mg K insufflated
C and I both insufflate around 40mg of K from a tiny spoon. I have previously measured that each spoonful is around 20mg, so I am confident with this dose.

(T 1:20)
The K begins to kick in, but is fairly subtle. Limbs feel looser and dancing is more fun, but C and I are not really enjoying the music or the crowd. We take a few hits of poppers (isobutyl nitrite) for a little 2 minute pick-up, but continue to find the music unsatisfying.

(T 1:40) 1.2mL GBL oral
I complain to C that I feel sober and am unamused, so I ask for his extra 1.2mL capsule of GBL. It’s only been 1 hour since the last ingestion, but in my annoyance, I disregard the timeframe and swallow the cap. I normally wait ~1.5 hours between GBL doses and re-dose in 0.5mL increments, so this was pretty reckless of me.

(T: 1:50) 40mg Ketamine insufflated
I am growing more annoyed with the bad music and the cheesy EDM-style videos played on the big screen behind the DJ. My friend C is making faces of horror, as he is shocked at the bad music and the fact that those around us seem to genuinely be enjoying the awful tunes. C and I both snort 40mg of K to try to make the most of our time.

(T 2:00)
I begin to feel the effects of the GBL and that familiar gum tenderness. I am pretty happy, but mainly because my boyfriend T is sending me selfies with my cat, and I am Instagram-storying my frustration with the music. C and I want to leave, and I am suggesting alternative parties by this point. However, he has to wake up early for a celebration, and we have another party the next night, so we decide to go home soon.

(T 2:10)
We order the Uber home, but as we step outside, I begin to feel adventurous and euphoric. I suggest we walk down to the nearby river in Brooklyn. C agrees, and we walk down the road only to find that the river is completely blocked by industrial sites. We see a huge domed shed with piles of rock/sand, and in my wanderlust, I suggest we climb the rocks. C thinks I am crazy, but I run up the hill of rocks and find myself a nice place to sit. C reluctantly joins me, but loves the view of the night sky from above the rocks.

(T 2:20) 40mg Ketamine insufflated
I am still feeling the GBL high, but I want more. C and I both snort 40mg of K each and enjoy the surroundings. We feel like we are sitting on the moon. Everything feels dreamy, and I’m amazed that I followed through with this adventurous streak. I had always wanted to explore these industrial areas when riding in a car back and forth from parties, so I felt very fulfilled. We call a car to go home around 10 minutes later, as it is getting pretty late.

(T 3:00) 50mg Ketamine rectal ROA
I arrive home to find my boyfriend T asleep and my roommate S watching a show on her laptop. I feel a bit unfulfilled from the night, however, and am still chasing a high before I go to bed. I administer 50mL of K rectally and plan to watch a show on Netflix. I feel a bit hungry, and go to the kitchen, where I chat with S for a bit, all the while becoming dizzier.

(T 3:10)
At this point, something inside me radically changes. I’m physically dizzy, but my mind is also dizzy. I can’t think straight and sort of begin to forget…everything. I’m not sure if this is ego death, or if I’m just not really thinking of myself. I am terrified and wake up my boyfriend, asking for help. I start sobbing and repeating “I don’t want to die.” I feel like I am having a heart attack and am terrified. However, the psychological effects are far worse than anything else. I begin thinking about the ephemerality and meaninglessness of life. I think about how futile and transactional friendships are. I think about the obligatory nature of familial love. I think about human language, the superficial phrases we say to each other to fake friendliness, and feel disgusted.

Most of all, I reflect on how people go to work in corporate jobs day-in and day-out, lacking any meaning and ultimately fooling themselves. Are we all in the Matrix? A Sims game? Everything feels fake. I become terrified and think I am stuck in this horrible headspace forever. I’m unable to move and am just telling T “save me.” I ask him repeatedly for Xanax or Valium to stop the trip, but given his inexperience with these drugs, he was worried that they would worsen the situation and did not bring them. I think I will never wake up the next day, and text my mom that I love her. I suggest going to the hospital, but then say nevermind. I try to call C, but he doesn’t answer. I call S to my room, and she plays my favorite show on Netflix and we all watch together.

(T 3:40)
By this point, I have mostly calmed down. I still feel off, but I’m not scared anymore. The Netflix show really helped. I’m dumbfounded as to what happened.

Reflection:
I woke up the next day at around 5PM (T 17:00) and am still processing the trip. I don’t really know what happened. I am writing this 3 days after the trip and don’t know what spiritual lessons to take away from this panic attack. I will definitely be more cautious mixing G and K. I am also skeptical of this batch of K; either the stuff is purer than I have ever had before, or is 2F-DCK or another analogue.

I will not use this K again, though my boyfriend T quite enjoyed snorting the batch when we went out the next night (before having his own panic attack/K-hole). I have always been pretty cautious about substance use/harm-reduction in the past, and though the doses didn’t seem to extreme, was nonetheless seeking a better high in a way that was probably not so healthy.

All-in-all, I need to process this experience with a therapist. It ultimately amplified thoughts I had already been having after recently graduating college. I also think the unpleasant crowd and music at the concert contributed to the negative headspace.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114032
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: May 27, 2020	Views: 1,602
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