DOSE:

1 line

insufflated

3-MeO-PCP

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

[Erowid Note: The doses described in this report are potentially life threatening. The amount taken is beyond a heavy dose and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Doses such as this have been known to cause hospitalizations and/or deaths. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
I would like to document this experience as a word of caution when ingesting these substances. I'm almost 1 year sober and reflecting on experiences like the one I'm about to describe, it is a miracle that I'm still here. I will always hold dear my psychedelic exploration and what I've been given in these states. However, when the line between exploration for personal growth and recklessness is crossed, this is what can happen . Respect the chemicals and yourself.

One fine day a friend of mine tells me he has just received a decent amount of 3-meo-PCP. I, of course, ask to buy some and we make plans to meet after work. So I get home and people are drinking at my place so I indulge. He gets home later and I go purchase a gram. He warns me, "you only need a key bump." "It's similar to ketamine but much more potent."

I shrug it off. Being a very well seasoned psychedelic user, I felt like recommended doses were below me or something. How potent can it really be?

I go back home, somewhat tipsy, which certainly wasn't helping my decision making or motor skills. I also had work the next day but decided I could trip a little tonight and be fine. I got two friends to join me and accidentally poured the better portion of the gram onto a plate. I began trying to cut lines but it was a strange consistency and wanted to stick together in chunks no matter how I tried. I could not make reasonable sized lines. So, me being me, I reasoned "well we will certainly do this much anyway so let's do it all at once." Why not? How potent can it really be?

On the plate were three absurd lines. The biggest lines of anything i had ever considered sniffing. Fully expecting to have an experience similar to a moderate ketamine dose, I did the largest line. It must have been at least 200 mg. I later learned this could have and probably should have killed me. That's god working in my life.

I laid on my back on the floor and waited. I'm completely missing the memory of the onset and the following hour or two. I'm told I was vomiting green in my mouth. No one knew what to do and eventually they got me up and outside to get fresh air. Them being as high as me, couldn't function well enough to deal with me and I dont remember them for the rest of the night. My consciousness begins outside on the apartment walkway, balcony thing. I lived three doors away on the same floor. It must be roughly 12 at this point. I wouldn't make it into my apartment until sunrise.

The dimensions of the "hallway" kept changing. Everything would expand upward, then shrink down and I would feel like it was going to crush me until I realized I was shrinking and expanding with it. All I could manage to think of or comprehend was how desperately I needed to get home. But I was so completely lost. I couldn't move. I couldn't feel my body. It was like I was in my dreams where physics and basic rules of reality don't apply. Gradually, what I can only describe as comic book frames void of the characters began folding up from the floor to be in front of me. Some would have mountains or trees or buildings towards the bottom with clouds near the top or birds or what have you. But there was empty space In the middle. But still expanding and contracting. I somehow broke from my frozen comatose state and tried to move. I realized I could step through these frames, over the mountains but minding my head for the birds above. But as I made it through one, another would block my path. This went on, one frame at a time for what must have been a couple hours until I stood in front of my door.

I couldn't get any sort of thought pattern at all in my mind. My understanding of reality was non-existent. I just knew somewhere in me, I had to get inside. It was probably also only 40 degrees or so out and I was in pajamas. But I don't think I even knew what it meant to be cold or warm. I was so entirely perplexed. I needed inside. But how?

The shape shifting was getting extreme. The space surrounding me would become 50 yards wide then shrink to a couple feet then it would feel like I was dwarfed by the giant door in front of me. The light above the door began to copy itself over and over. The rectangular door panels began to split in half until the four that were there had become 64 then would converge into themselves to become one panel across the now tiny door. The locks and knobs were copied on both sides and would split into 3 knobs on each side then back to one. I was at a complete loss. I was so desperate. I would have cried if I knew how at that moment. I would reach for a knob at random and not be able to grasp or turn anything. It was a literal nightmare.

At some point my neighbor came out to smoke a cig before getting ready for work. It must have been about 5 am. He saw me but didnt know what I was doing. He came back out again, I'm assuming about an hour later to leave and became concerned as I hadn't moved. He opened the door for me. I was blown away how easily he did it lol. I made it to my bed and laid in the fetal position faced towards the wall.

Now, I was nowhere near my job that I was supposed to be attending that day. But what I believed to be happening at the time was that I went to work, and I was trying to not let my bosses see me because they would know I was high. I was a ski lift operator. I genuinely believed I was at work and had made it to my lift, on my snowboard and all, and was trying to get my shit together in the lift house. I dreamed, essentially, this whole day of work where I would dodge my bosses so I wouldn't get fired. I laid there in my bed not moving once until it was again dark out and fragments of reality began to slowly emerge. I began to realize there was a wall in front of me which first took form as the lift house wall. I then realized I was sideways and laying down. I moved and saw the similarities this lift house had to my room until it was clear that I was in my room. I tried to speak but couldnt. I tried to sit up but was stuck. My room shifted shapes and sizes all around me for hours. Eventually that night, it hit me that if I was in my room, I had not gone to work and I certainly didn't call out. Panic filled me. I could form broken thoughts by now. I was going to lose my job I loved so much. I sat up and overwhelming anxiety set in. Looking around at my barely recognizable room, I knew I had made a horrible decision. I was over 24 hours into it and I began to have the horrible paranoia that this may never go away. I wanted to cry but couldnt. I had work the next morning as well.

All I could do was wallow in these miserable broken thought fragments about how I was going to lose everything including my mind. Eventually I had the wherewithal to be able to check what time it was. It was almost 5 am and I couldnt speak whole words let alone sentences. I wouldnt be able to call out, and would not be able to go in either. I was done for. I just laid there defeated by this drug and ultimately myself.

As the day woke, I began to gather myself more. I stood up and walked around my room to try to ground myself. I started trying to speak to myself to see If I could regain the ability. As the day went by it started to fade into what I thought I was in for initially. A moderate ketamine experience. Around 6 that night I heard a knock at my door. Fear enveloped me. I answered and it was my supervisor who I was very close to at work. She was so worried. She knew it had to be dire for me to no call no show two days in a row because I never missed work and was one of their best lifties. I told her I had a mental breakdown. Which was not a lie in the least bit. I think she knew it had to do with drugs but she was chill as could be. I told her I didn't know if I wanted to live or die. That I was afraid. She gave me a big long hug and told me to rest. That she would see me at work after my weekend. God working again in my life. Then my neighbor/best friend from before came by to check in and I told him everything as he was someone I did many drugs with. He was blown away. He felt so bad. Again, that was god coming by to check on me.

Eventually I passed out and had an afterglow the next day. I found out from my friend that one of the others who did it went to work the next morning and was fired from his job. The other had fallen down some stairs and had stitches in his head and his mom had come to take him to a detox facility after the hospital told her all the drugs in his system.

I felt so horrible and depressed for a long long time. I truly feel like not everything has come back to me from the experience. That parts of me were lost or shut off. The regret is immense. But I'm grateful for my life and that what should have been a fatal dose became, rather, an extreme turning point and teachable lesson in my life. These things require immense respect. They aren't to be taken lightly. If you abuse them, they will certainly abuse you. This isn't a " now go get sober" entry but I just wanted to share this cautionary tale.

Love and light, Alice

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 114179
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Mar 13, 2020	Views: 2,240
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3-MeO-PCP (558) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Multi-Day Experience (13), Small Group (2-9) (17)