DOSE:

repeated

Methamphetamine

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

I first smoked the drug at the age of 18 in early 2016, having already insufflated it on one occasion years prior to this. Having researched it extensively, I made the conscience decision to avoid further use of this drug entirely up until this point. In hindsight my addiction to meth was predictable (foreshadowed) considering my tendencies to experiment with, and perhaps obsess over, psychoactive drugs in general. Besides psychedelics, stimulants are my favorite class of psychoactive drugs.

My addiction to stimulants began innocently enough with caffeine at around the age of 15 or 16 when I discovered the motivating buzz that an XL coffee from Tim Hortons gave me (about 200 mg of caffeine). On second thought it may have been before my coffee drinking that a friend and I first began abusing his prescriptions, Concerta and Vyvanse, which provided a very mild euphoria and stimulation similar to my first time insufflating meth. During this time I was a heavy cannabis smoker and drank alcohol often, in moderate quantities. Up until the beginning of 2016 I had habitually smoked cannabis for about 3 years and quit smoking weed almost entirely for the majority of 2016-2018 in favor of smoking crystal meth. I would not recommend this method of quitting weed for anyone by any means as the negative aspects of my crystal meth use far surpassed any negative aspects of my cannabis use. I have recently began smoking cannabis more heavily again, and find it effectively counters the psychotic delusions that manifested through habitual crystal meth use.

Okay I’m going to take a less formal approach to this report as I’ll never get it done if I treat it like a fucking university paper/essay. I first started smoking meth when a couple friends came over and started smoking the shit in my room. I really had no intention of smoking meth and was surprised when she pulled the meth pipe out. On a previous occasion I had been offered to smoke some by a different friend but refused. He tried to persuade me but I had no desire to at the time, this time however I accepted and we proceeded to tweak all night. Part of the addiction was having a bunch of people over (mostly females) and hanging out all night listening to music and talking. Having several girls my age over (just friends) made me feel better as I was accustomed to being alone often. I recall being quite talkative although it was quite a while ago now, also I had a feeling of boundless energy and felt that everything was going to be okay and I could accomplish anything I wanted. The feeling was similar to the times I did large oral doses of Vyvanse except maybe the stimulation was smoother and overall the experience was more euphoric. Also I quit abusing the Vyvanse after doing it only a handful of times due to the harsh comedown complete with a splitting headache and irritability which made it not worth doing in the first place. The comedown from the meth wasn’t quite as bad although I felt depleted and depressed the next day in a way I would not have felt had I simply been smoking cannabis. The next day I refused the offer to smoke more however the same friend who initially brought the meth over requested we use my room again. In hindsight this “friend” was really just using me for a place to smoke meth however I really didn’t give a damn and enjoyed having company anyway, furthermore I had already begun to become addicted to the meth high and wished to “flail” again. Come to think of it a few of my closest friends had already used meth before I had so it wasn’t like I was leaving my old sober friends behind, all my friends used some sort of drugs already.

During the months of February – June of 2016 my meth addiction grew and before I knew it I had met a lot of tweakers and had become one myself, staying up for the better part of 3 months. I think my longest was 11 days no sleep, hopefully I had at least a few naps during the 11 days however I don’t really remember a lot of it nor do I wish to. During this time I developed amphetamine psychosis and became extremely paranoid and delusional. I made many fucked up decisions and at one point I felt like I was in a fucking movie and everything was synchronised (if this happens to you, put the fucking meth pipe down and GO TO SLEEP). I started to see shadow people eventually as well and when walking the streets at night time would see people pointing guns at me at the end of the street, only to find it was a tree or a yield sign etc. I don’t remember the exact timeline of this though I think the shadow people started manifesting themselves more so later on when functioning whilst severely sleep deprived became normal.

The meth high gave me an extreme sense of confidence and power. At the time I was a roofing with my grandpa, he had gotten me the job the year before so this was only my second year. When I began spending my paycheques on meth instead of weed and beer, things began to change. At first I held down my roofing job without a problem, but when I started to show up sleep deprived and high, things turned out badly fast. My last day on the job involves me close to the top of my game physically, despite being sleep deprived I felt stronger than ever. Clearly my mind was slipping here and I ended up manifesting a complex delusion that I believed all of my co-workers to be in on. We were roofing a very tall apartment building that day and somehow I thought that we were going to detonate the building after faking a fire, something along the lines of the 9/11 inside job conspiracy. I thought for sure the building was coming down so I grabbed all the tools I could carry and ran off the site. In the end I lost my job and things began spiralling further down from there. Soon I got myself involved with gangs, and at one point while tweaking I got down with a gang that my friend was in. I won’t get further into this but basically I got out alive and now live with the consequences of this action to this day.

I could go on and on about my meth binges but some of the stories are rather humiliating even to think about and I can’t write about them, or tell anyone really. Despite being near death on multiple occasions at the time I handled it pretty well. It seems to be the memories that give me anxiety now, however writing them down seems to help. It was like nothing for me at the time but now I find myself suppressing the memories especially when smoking meth now just thinking about everything that happened can give me extreme anxiety. You would think I would have quit by now, but no, I still have some in my closet as I’m typing this, tempting me to indulge again. I haven’t even covered the years of 2017 – 2019 yet, this all happened in 2016.

Well I put this report on hold for a while, during the years of 2017 I continued to use meth when I could, becoming accustomed to the cycle of binging for several days, then sleeping and eating for several days. I primarily stuck to two ROA, insufflation and smoking, also tried oral a handful of times and IV a couple times. The euphoria and good times that this substance brought me were not by any means worth the pain and suffering that it continues to bring me. These days the high has changed immensely, and I find its effects best suited for masturbation. I wouldn’t recommend anyone try meth who hasn’t already, in fact I would recommend staying as far away from it as humanly possible, for those who insist on using, do your best to exercise extreme willpower and caution. Don’t expect your will to be greater than the will of crystal. It has pulled me in countless times despite negative consequences. I plan to quit using altogether soon however I am indulging tonight.

Exp Year: 2016-2020	ExpID: 114357
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: May 14, 2020	Views: 2,263
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Methamphetamine (37) : Various (28), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)