DOSE:

5 g

oral

Mushrooms

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

These 3 trips all come together as one story. These trips changed my life for the better, it was a rebirth. In this story I made a few mistakes, and if reading this report helps just one person then it was worth writing.

A few years ago I had my first mushroom trip, had some previous acid experiences though. Had been listening to a lot of terence mckenna talking about the 5 gram in silent darkness heroic journey. So that night I did it. The comeup was very fast, I was feeling the effects within 10 minutes. I was little nauseous but I breathed through it and it eventually passed. Strong visuals around the 30 minute mark. The peak started about an hour in. The trip was visually and emotionally beautiful beyond comprehension. The mushroom spirit was gentle with me that trip and massaged me slowly into a very ego dissolved state of mind. The visuals were incredibly intricate. And there were also a few visions. Visuals and visions are different, a vision will have a realer than real feeling and immerse you in the vision. It feels like you are entering something, and that it exists without you. The trip was very gentle, but incredibly powerful. I've also heard a lot of people say that the mushroom spirit will generally be gentle to you for your first journey.

So 2 weeks later I wanted to have that experience again, without taking time to integrate the lessons I learned in the previous trip. I did the same 5 gram dose, but this time with nature sounds and binaural beats. A similar comeup. This time the mushroom spirit was not as gentle and I believe it was because of my cockiness going into it. It hurled me into ego death. I saw the earth and the mother nature spirit like it was physically in front of me sucking me into its vortex. Had no choice but to surrender, felt like the force of being sucked into a black hole. I watched as everything I had ever learned, and all attachments floated away. And once I broke through to the other side, full ego death. There are a few things I can sorta remember from the full ego death part of the trip. But its hard to remember something since memory is attached to having a sense of self. But I do remember the most terrifyling beautiful feeling of familiarity and home. Right as I got sucked into it the earth I was thinking "ohh shit here we go again!", as it felt like I've been through it infinite times before. Then I remember feeling like a cell in a plant. Didnt matter if my eyes were open or closed, I was fully immersed in that dimension. So I experienced what felt like being the entire earth for a while. That was part 1 of the peak, and thats all I can remember from it.

Then came the next half of the peak, which I have more memory of. What happened now was the mushroom's way of humbling me for going into it cocky. The mushroom put me in some strange kind of loop of lessons. It was very strange, but it all made perfect sense in my mind. However in the physical world I was screaming for maybe 5 minutes. Not out of fear, but out of a freedom feeling of being surrounded by infinity. Similar to the feeling of being in a giant room with amazing acoustics, but amplified by infinity. So I wanted to make some noise 🤣, and I was also all over the floor rolling around. In my head it all made perfect sense, but from an outside perspective I looked like I was totally losing it. I woke my parents up and they were scared shitless because I wasnt able to respond to them since I was out of body. Luckily I had 🍄s on my desk so they realized I was tripping and did not call an ambulance, THANKYOU DAD AND THANKYOU GOD! I vaguely remember when they were asking me if I was alright, but I was so far gone that I could'nt interpret or respond. So they eventually left the room, worried. Next up the mushroom had one more lesson it needed to teach me. I turned into an entire rainforest, and well rainforests rain. So I peed myself and it felt amazing 🤣.

After that I came back to my body a little bit. I started morphing through different types of animals. I really felt like I was physically morphing, and I could feel what it was like to be each animal. And then I morphed back into my human form. There is a strange funny feeling you get when youre coming down on the trip and start realizing that you are a human again. There is no word to describe that feeling, we should make one though. My sense of self was returning, and I then realized I peed myself 🤣. So while still tripping I cleaned my carpet and then showered. It took a lot of effort haha. After that I go downstairs to get water and as I'm going down the stairs my dad comes out of his room, we didnt say anything though. The day after he told me he was just making sure I safely made it down the stairs. But in my mind I was thinking "is he actually there?". So thats the end of that trip. I didn't let it scare me, even though it was a little bumpy experience changed my life, and I am forever grateful for it. It looked scary from an outside perspective, but it all made sense inside. This trip was death and rebirth...it was far out, man.

A couple weeks later my dumbass really thought it be a good idea to do another high dose 2, completely disregarding the lesson I learned kn the last trip. Damn I was being a cocky idiot. This time I only took 4 grams, thinking that since it is a lower dose I will be okay. When they really kicked in, my room turned into a very cosmic space. Then I saw the earth in front of me again, sucking me in. This time I resisted and I did not want to let go. I didnt want to let go because I just experience this 2 weeks ago, it was too soon! It felt like I was dying again, and I wasnt ready to go back yet. While resisting the ego death breakthrough process, I started thinking I was peeing myself again. I couldnt tell if I was covered in piss or not lmao. I took a benzo (a smaller dose of ativan) then clumsily made my way into the bathroom. Benzos are good to have handy in my arsenal. However, looking back I wish I would have just surrendered to it. But since it was so close to the last trip, it made it more difficult to let go. For about 20 minutes, while I was waiting for the benzo to kick in, I was lying down in the bathtub in a thought loop of trying to figure out whether I peed myself or not 🤣. I think it took about 20 minutes for the benzo to kick in, but it felt much longer. Right as the benzo started kicking in I gradually started coming back to sanity. For some reason I put on music at one point, but I dont remember putting it on. Usually I do binaural beats or silence. Right as I got that funny feeling of remembering that I'm a human, the song You Cant Always Get What You Want was playing, the Rusted root version. Now whenever I hear that song I get an intense nostalgia flashback kind of feeling, in a good way though.

I was a cocky teenager and those last 2 trips definitely humbled me. However, after those 3 trips I couldn't stop talking about it. They were so mind blowing life changing, and healing, it was all I wanted to talk about. Even though I learned to respect the medicine, I went through the spiritual ego phase. I believe we all go through this phase during the awakening journey, but the awakening timeline differs for everyone. For me the phase came after the huge awakening from the mushroom trips. After the spritual ego phase came the shadow work, which I am still working on.

It's been 3 years since I had those trips and I am still processing them. I will be processing them for the rest of my life and I am so grateful to have had this experience. I will probably do another heroic mushroom dose one day in the future. When I do, I will prepare similarly to preparing for an Ayahuasca retreat. I will go on a diet and detox before going on the journey.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 114800
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Oct 2, 2020	Views: 911
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Retrospective / Summary (11), General (1), Alone (16)