DOSE: T+ 0:00	one sixth	oral	Cannabis	(edible / food)
T+ 1:30	50 mg	oral	Pharms - Quetiapine
T+ 1:45	50 mg	oral	Pharms - Quetiapine
T+ 0:00		oral	Kratom	(daily)
T+ 2:00	150 mg	oral	Pharms - Quetiapine

BODY WEIGHT:

205 lb

Anxiety doesn’t come close to describing it.

This isn’t necessarily a single experience, but rather what happens every time I ingest THC now. For the entry I’m going to tell the story of the last time I ate an edible.

Backstory: I used to love weed. I smoked every day from age 16-21 and loved every second of it. I didn’t understand why people would get anxious from it. It enhanced everything and made my life better.

I stopped smoking weed every day around age 21-22. A main reason for this was turning 21 and being able to drink legally. I still liked weed a little more than alcohol but alcohol was easier to get, had no legal problems attached if I was caught possessing it and also I hated waiting on drug dealers for weed. Because of this I started drinking more and smoking less. I went way too hard after turning 21. Long story short, for the 18 following my 21st birthday I got completely hammered most nights. I’d say 90-95% of nights would be a low estimate. I smoked weed quite a bit still but I was literally always drunk when I was stoned. I think this played a huge role in my reaction to THC changing.

I eventually quit drinking that heavily and switched to kratom (not great but better than alcoholism). At this point I hadn’t smoked in a while. Eventually I decided to smoke again and it made me on edge. It wasn’t too bad, but it also didn’t feel good to me. Every few months I’d try smoking again to see if I’d have a good time and every single time I got more and more anxious. I finally swore off weed completely in early to mid 2019. I didn’t ingest any THC products for the better half of a year.

That summer however I picked up a new hobby. Cooking edibles. I started with cookies and eventually moved to making wax gummies. When I was making cookies I frequently was asked how strong they were and I couldn’t tell them anything from personal experience because I hadn’t tried them. After a while my edibles got a reputation and multiple people were telling me I have to try my cookies because they are good. So I decided to do that.

The experience:

I have no clue how many mg are in each cookie, but I know that someone with a high tolerance usually eats a whole one, someone with a low tolerance usually eats half and someone with no tolerance usually starts with around 1/3. I remember how weed made me feel the last time I tried it but thought an edible may be different. Boy was I wrong.

(T+0:00) I decide to play it safe and break off a small piece of my cookie to start with in case it went south. I break off a bit from the side and decide that there is no way that the amount would be strong enough to make me freak out. It was probably like 1/6 or 1/5 of a cookie. It tastes like weed but very subtly which is nice.

(T+0:15) My friend stops by quickly to buy some cookies. I had planned for him to stop by quickly before it hit. We talk for a bit.

(T+0:25) As he is about to leave I think I feel it a bit. I am a little giggly and feel a little light.

(T+0:30) He leaves and I go to my room to relax and wait for it.

(T+0:40) Any effects that I thought I had felt are gone. It was obviously the placebo effect. I doubt that I will even get high with that amount and plan on taking more if I don’t feel anything by the 90 minute mark.

(T+0:50) I start to feel it. It comes on quickly. I feel like I just smoked like half a bowl. I do feel a little anxious, but it’s not overpowering. I can handle this.

(T+1:00) It gets stronger by the minute. At this point I’d say I am pretty uncomfortable. I hope I peak soon because this ship is headed for rocky water.

(T+1:15) This is bad. I am not liking this. It still is getting more intense. I turn on Family Guy to distract me.

(T+1:30) Fuck this is bad. I can’t watch the show because all I hear are separate words. I can’t understand holistically what the sentance means at all. I’m confused and just overall in a bad place. I take 50mg of Seroquel, my sleep med because it’s an anti psychotic and hopefully will at least knock me out.

-This is where I lose track of time but I will try to estimate-

(T+1:45) I start to think about bad shit in my life. I’m 23 and only in year two of college. I am dependent on kratom and do way too many other drugs. People in my life only pretend to like me to avoid hurting my feelings. Everyone including my family hates me because I’m gay. I’m going to be alone forever.

I take a second seroquel as I was convinced the last 15 minutes were like 2 hours.

(T+2:00) Those intrusive thoughts get much worse. I start to think about how my grandparents are in their late 70s and will probably be dead within 10 years. I think about how my mom is a cancer survivor and has an autoimmune disease so she has a shortened lifespan. I think about how my dad is depressed and am convinced he is going to kill himself eventually. I think he is more depressed since I came out to him and that both my parents are sad because I will never have biological kids. The thing that fucked with me the most is that I had just moved out of their house. I went from seeing them every day to once a week max. I thought about how it’s likely that a majority of the time I will have spent with them is already gone.

The seroquel isn’t hitting yet so I put 3 more pills in my hand, throw them in my mouth and chew them up so they will hit me quicker.

I hear something from the apartment hallways. I am convinced it’s the cops coming to raid me for selling edibles. I will go to jail and ruin my life. I’m paranoid that the door will open and the DEA will throw flashbangs and shit and take me away.

I end up crying super hard about my family. I am not ready to lose anyone let alone them. I just want to make them happy. At this point I am telling myself that I won’t have to watch them all die if I just commit suicide. I feel like that’s the best option at this point. However even though I am having a breakdown borderlining on a psychotic episode I am aware enough to know that I ingested an edible and that it will wear off in time. However I still think the right thing to do to avoid the pain of loss is to end my life when I sober up and can make that call. I’m a wreck.

(T+2:30) The seroquel FINALLY kicks in. It makes the horrible thoughts a little more manageable but I am still having an awful time.

(T+2:45-3:00) I’m guessing this is where the rest of the seroquel kicks in because I immediately become so sedated that I can’t even keep my eyes open. I fall asleep.

(T+7:00-8:00) I don’t remember the exact time so that’s an estimate. Somehow I wake up a few hours later (that much seroquel would usually make a person sleep for like 12 hours). I come to and still feel high, but not anxious really. Or at least my anxiety is nothing compared to where I was. It may have been the seroquel still working. I don’t feel right. I can’t even think about what just happened without wanting to puke. I never want to feel that way again. It was absolutely horrible.

(T+48:00) I still don’t feel 100%. I’m jumpy and a bit more hopeless than usually. I still feel a bit foggy.

(T+ 1 week) I am finally getting back to normal. I talked to a couple friends about my experience and their reactions varied from “that sucks” to laughing to thinking that I’m a wimp who can’t handle their drugs. I tell my mom about it and she was supportive about it.

The reason I’m submitting this is so that people see that weed does react VERY poorly with some people. It isn’t a matter of finding the right strain or dosage. I had what couldn’t have possible been more than 10-15mg of THC and had a complete mental breakdown. I have had people (not professionals) tell me that I probably have a psychotic mental illness because drugs like weed, LSD and shrooms make those worse.

I still take LSD and shrooms quite a bit and rarely have anything but an amazing experience. Even the worst psychedelic trip was like 1/10 as bad as this. I can honestly say it was one of the top three most traumatizing experiences of my life. Be careful if you haven’t tried weed and start slow. I realize most people enjoy it and I am not trying to make it sound bad because it’s not. It’s just bad for me.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 114877
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Oct 27, 2020	Views: 2,022
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Cannabis (1) : Alone (16), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3)