DOSE:

5 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. cubensis

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

165 lb

5g Psilocybe Cubensis in the Dark

Yesterday, per Terence’s advice, I consumed 5 dried grams on an empty stomach and laid waiting in the darkness of my sleeping mask for revelation. My stomach felt nauseous, though not the usual drug-tummy. The feeling was instant from the odor and taste of the sheer volume of fungi. In the dark, anticipating what’s to come, my heart rate elevated to the point I could hear the beating in my ears, causing a momentary anxiety. This led to visceral shivers from recalling the disgusting taste subtly lingering in my mouth. Excited, yet nervous, I focused on my breathing to relax. As a distraction from any unpleasant feelings, I took mental notes of my affect and performed body scans. All is well. Soon my chest eased, my breathing became effortless and soft, while a cozy body high washed through me. I melted into the sheets.

In a blink I was experiencing another world. Heavenly and bright with the visual consistency of inverted jellyfish, all floating in a bright celestial void. Vapor-like, yet material, these delicate features silently lofted with a glistening pale sheen; changing to different pastel hues as inner lights dimmed and brightened in tandem. As the forms undulated and ballooned, they peeled apart revealing fresh forms to repeat the cycle as the exterior evaporated into the ether. The scene was slow, still, yet contained constant motion, similar to watching cloud forms morph as they float in the airstream. White. Orange. Pink. They go on forever in every direction. I was at peace enjoying the sheer beauty of all of it.

From the beautiful ‘nothingness’ I watched the creation of the cosmos; from the beginning to now. Building from an absolute absence to the smashing of atoms. A violent chaos of creation, with tiny objects flying and colliding with each other until they form connections and begin to build upon themselves, creating little moments of respite until form starts to take hold. Form then to life. As it’s building I am given a front row seat to the creation of the world. The entire evolution of everything. Building and growing, succeeding and failing. Forming new connections and pathways. In relation to and all the relationships - I saw all the micro bridges that relate everything to everything. As I watch life becomes more clear and I feel a deeper connection to it all...to all. Down to it, we’re all made of the same stuff.

The ‘science’ lesson soon turned into a cautionary tale of human history with interdimensional twists, backstories, and characters. The details were hard to recall and specify, but the topics and adventures I can remember range anywhere from; living a full life as a chemist, something to do with census & anthropological data gathering, biological studies & research, ‘Brothemburg’s Technique’ (a surgery of sorts?), and great battles of antiquity. It was through this period that I also became aware of multiple layers of my own consciousness. Some of these experiences happened in a linear manner succeeding the next, many happened in unison, with multiple story arcs happening simultaneously. Upon realizing the separateness, yet connectedness, it became an awkward revelation. It was though I had grown a bunch of new quantum appendages, but I was learning how to articulate them as they came into existence.

I began to analyze my own thoughts - an analytic theme that seemed to persist for the rest of the journey. It was pertinent that I take mental notes of this experience and did my best to recall the events prior. I became fascinated and entertained by what my mind had created up until now. As I paid attention to my thoughts, I watched them change into physical objects. Each thought shifted into a colorful plastic block with soft beveled edges; each one constantly stretching and contracting until becoming so slippery that they generate energy - twisting themselves into electric taffy, endlessly folding upon itself and glowing with magnificent colors. The gooey folds eventually enveloped all of my thought blocks until all inner dialogue was completely buried within. As I tried to formulate new thoughts, it played with me. Cutting my thoughts off at the pass. Melting them back into the goo. No more thoughts, just a gummy polychromatic existence which kept intensifying. The visual stretched and slid, glowing and flashing wildly, while shapeshifting into something between an animal or art piece. Everything became so alien yet beautiful that all one could do is experience it - it was absolutely astonishing.

As the visual scene became less clear in form, visuals muted in color and intricacy. From the predictable kaleidoscopic fractal circus, to basic triangular patterns haphazardly shotgunned onto the backs of my eyelids. Everything eventually dissipated until I found myself in a dark and abstract psychotherapy session involving a mysterious voice that empathetically talked with me about my struggles with family relationships and life. All the while reframing the perspective in multiple points of view (sometimes all at the same time). Despite sounding like a heavy and exhausting situation, the ‘session’ was really positive and uplifting. As time slowed, we assessed everything methodically and didn’t move onto the next topic until there was full understanding and clarity. Finally wholistically wrapping up all topics of interest and concern.

Out of nowhere I snapped back to the real world, laying on my bed. I took a moment and realized it was basically over. I checked my watch in disbelief....it had only been 2 hours. I got up and had a snack then went for a walk in the park with my wife. It was nice and cool outside which felt great because my body temperature was pretty high and I felt a bit nauseous. Walking in the cool breeze felt like I was endlessly breathing out. Out with the same ease as though I was relaxing into a comfy bed. Everything around us felt calm and cinematic, punched up with a technicolor vibrancy. After arriving back home, I took on the role of space cadet and sequestered myself to the couch for the next couple of hours. All in all a pretty good day. 5/5

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114887
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 37
Published: Oct 30, 2020	Views: 1,212
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Alone (16), General (1)