DOSE:

150 - 300 mg

oral

Diphenhydramine

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

I'm going to start with a little backstory, to really set the scene of where I am now, with the trip I had last with my fiancée.

Around 2016, when I was 15, I was on a website where I followed somebody I grew to had a crush on. This person was a huge advocate of benadryl. Being the lovesick teenager I was, I decided to try it. Once doesn't hurt... Right?

Well, it didn't. At least not then. That first night I distinctly remember taking around 9 pills, 25mg each. I remember the slide into static, and the sudden heaviness of my body, how hard it was to move and even breath, how I had to pee every couple minutes it it but when I tried to go I couldnt. Never did get any sort of halluciatjons, delusions or delerium, but maybe I wouldn't have noticed anyway. I remember the restlessness of my body but since it was hard to move I'd struggle to make my muscles coperate. My racng heart and shaking hands, how i was nauseated but couldnt vomit since I hadnt eaten. the sudden body high that hit me like a wave but left only to come back again within a few minutes and How music was incredible like it had come from the heavens.

I really remember the come down, how I felt floaty and soft. The sleep afterward was a godsend as I have insomnia; that night I crashed hard for a solid 14 hours and had the most intense, trippy dreams.

Something to note is that my brain and body are wired in strange ways, and all of this was extremely pleasent to me, even euphoric. The only part I disliked was the dry mouth, but I was drinking water like a champion so it didn't matter much.

In short: I LOVED it.

So naturally I continud on with my habit, dosing every usually before bed. But this slowly became something I did more and more and ant higher and higher doses. I would begin to go thru a sort of psuedo withdrawl without it, a irritable state that came with shakiness, nausea, hot flashes and a really really runny nose.

I dont think I was addicted then, but my body started to act like it was.

I begun to taken around 150mg (my "manageable" dose) before school or during school, mostly after school at the very least; i was taking it almost every day at this point and was so so so tolerant that i could fight through the brainfog and slurred speech to talk to people extremely well. I honestly don't know anybody knew I had a problem at all.

I don't think I evr truly experience hallucinations or delusions, but I'm 100% sure I wouldn't know the difference looking back if I had it. Its very likely that I did anjust never realized and because I wasn't a social person at all, nobody was around to tell me so or send me to psych for my loss of sanity. Nobody was around really. My parents worked until 6pm each night and I wouldcome home, take 200-300mg, tell them I was tired because of school and simpley lock myself in my room and listen to music until I fell asleep. Nobody was there to check up on me in any way and I had got so well at hiding it that Im not sure if they could have seen through it regardless.

Between 6-8 motths after this began, I experience a lot of severe short term memory issues and would had a hard time holding conversations, but it was nothing out of the ordinary for me as I was diagnosed with ADHD so people assumed it was that more than anything. I was still dosing nearly every day i think but began to wonder if I had a problem because I couldn't remember the days as they went by.

The brain fog kind of got worse and worse and it was around the 1 year mark that people took real notice. I would literally act like a xanax zombie on autopilot thru my days, still dosing 150mg min. thru the week. Beyond the tipping point, I cant recall that period of my life with clarity; its all hazy static and very much blanked in my mind. I do kind of remember doctors visits, psych appts, meetings with specialists, etc. But I can't remember any specificsI don't know if I was still dosing daily by then.

Skip to 1 year, 6/7 months, and I remember I wasn't dosing any more. But the affects were bad. I think I went through physical withdrawl, all of the t side effects of it afflicting me for weeks on end getting better each day. But it was a slow prosess. The brain fog was terrible, short term memory was wasted, my thoughts were mud and slow, and my kidney were totally fucked up at this point. Not to mention the other side effects I had, theres to many to list and i honestly have forgot some.

The physical and mental effects I had then do still affect me toda to, I was actually diagnosed with brain-damage and told it was pretth much really likely that Id get dementia in my life because of the type of damage I had made my brain

My short term memory did improve, doing daily mental stuff helped as well as time.

My kidneys, well, theyll never be the same and I get reoccuring infections due to because of scarring from chronic dehydration (during that whole time I wasn't drinkgng enough water and more often than not I had diarrhea) while I put my body through the benadryl wringer.

Overall, it was a 2 yr long descent into a type of living hell and I would say I regret it if I didnt love that fall so damn much.

Skip forward to to last night, I'm 20 now, and much of the damage done back then won't be undone ever pretty much but luckily I'm alive and fuctioning well enough to write this (though it's taking me much much longer than I would like because I keep getting distracted and forgetting that I'm writing it at all) but me and my fiancée have a penchent for doing things we shouldn't.

I told the whole story of my benadryl years to them, and explained that the damage I did to myself and all of that but I often find myself missing it. Of course they asked discussion on how it felt, with me explaining it's hard to truly understand unless you've done it yourself.

They eventually sugessted we do a small dose, and I, being the noustalgic idiot I am, agreed.

---
T+0.00 - 5 25mg dph ingested in pill form, along with 1mg klonopin and 10mg dxm in the form of dayquil at 11.04pm

T+0.30 - feeling from the, nothing nothing yet, talking with my fiancée on discord, feeling extremely happy and listening to mosh by eminem on loop. Were talking about what to expect from a first time dose and what to do if anything goes south, and since I'm the experienced one (in my mind, the tripsitter, though obviously if possibly PLEASE have a sober tripsitter for any first times!) I'm trying to everything the best I can and I'm telling them to just relax into it

T+0.50 - finally feeling something, a tingly feeling in my feet moving upward and a slight nausea, a bit of a headspin, nothing serious and I know this is expected for me

T+1.25 - beginning to feel my beloved sense of body heaviness, along with an extremely relaxed emotional stare. I feel like the world is pure euphoria and I want to experience this forever, but I know it wont last. Still nauseous and beginning to get bad headspins, weird chest sensation is happening (tightness?)

T+1.45 - I'm just happy, still listening to eminem mosh. Really really euphoric, body heaviness still happening, beginnign to get restless leg. Craving something cold like ice but too comfortable to get up. Nausea went away, headspins are slight now and my heart rate is pumped up a bit but nothing dangerous

T+2.59 I think I lost time or had a memory lapse. It does happen to me ebene when not on dph / whatever else I took so I'm not worried, just disappointed at the lost time ):

T+2.20 - I decided I'm gonna play borderlands, and keep relaxing into this feeling. Me and my fiancèe are having a really nice time talking about our love/hate lists (something we came up with to list stuff we love or hate). I'm feeling really, really really relaxed, happy, possibly some type of body euphoria and beginning to have brain fog but its not frustrating. My legs are aching and my vision is slightly blurry. I think I'm also having a hot flash

T+2.50ish - my fiancèe decided to go to bed, I'm still playing borderlands, still experiencing previous symptoms listed from T2.20 but theyre fading quite quickly

T+3.30 - previous sensations faded, I'm feeling pretty empty now, yet still a sense of calm is surrounding me. Still playing borderlands, but the brain fog fucked me up for a while there. I feel like my bladder is going to burst but I havent been able to urinate this whole time. Will try again but not expecting much

T+4.45 - all symptoms totally faded, in the afterglow now. Over all a smooth trip, not one of my most exciting. The klonopin eased any anxiety symptoms away and allowed me to enjoy a body high with some mental alteration, including euphoria and a memory laspe.

Ending trip report at 3.45am . Never got drowsy at all, despite being very relaxed and heavy feeling

Now it's 7.47am and I'm finaliazing my preveous story and trip report. Decided not to fix spelling errors, grammar mistakes, etc, because its just kind of how I have to type now with my brain-damage. If my story doesn't belong here, feel free to cuit from my trip report, but I felt maybe people would want to hear my story maybe. I also think. Maybe it's important for people to know the long term damage it can do.

Will I be using benadryl again? I feel it's inevitable for me. My experinces and my life and my story... I wouldnt change a single damn thing, because I love this drug, I really do.

Exp Year: 2016-2021	ExpID: 115396
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: May 1, 2021	Views: 1,655
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Diphenhydramine (109) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Post Trip Problems (8), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)