DOSE:

2.5 buttons

oral

Peyote

(fresh)

BODY WEIGHT:

185 lb

Off on the road
===============

We had made it to the desert after a day and a half of driving in our rental car. Me and my Swedish friends, Jim and Victoria. A beautiful couple I spent a month living with in the mystic town of Tepoztlan. Entering the desert, there are a few stations you can stop at, going progressively deeper. I was told they were ghost towns. Many abandoned white buildings, but we did find life in [one]. A place to sleep and a store to buy fruits. The host offered us a nice package deal. He'd drive us out to the desert, show us the peyote, supply us with firewood, and leave us there the night. But we were told from a friend of ours about this lady that lived in the third desert station. He had met her 5 years ago but he told us she will take care of us. He wasn't sure if she was still alive, at this point, but we said fuck it and went [there]. It was nothing more than a compound with some shacks and buildings scattered about. But we found her there, alive and well, with a big smile, shiny silver tooth, telling us stories about the people that come to visit her. We went out with her husband in the afternoon in his truck to the desert. He showed us a small peyote plant, but the ones we should pick are the adult ones. They take more than 10 years to grow, you don't want to take the babies. Luckily, the sun was clouded, so it wasn't scorching hot out there. We all went our seperate ways. After about 20 minutes, I finally found one, covered in dust, semi hidden under a thorny bush. I carved it out. My friend later told me that its a special type of peyote - Sorcerer Peyote. I did not realize what it had in store for me. About an hour and a half later, we all had ourselves a nice bag with about a dozen peyotes. The husband shared some with us - he found a lot. We made it back to rest and regroup.

Oasis
=====

We brought the peyote with us to this place they called the oasis. A clearing in the middle of the desert, surrounded by green trees. A nice firepit was there, we put our wood on the side. As the sun set, we ate the peyote. It's very bitter and hard on the stomach. The more you eat, the more nauseous you get. They recommended I eat 3-4 big ones, but at some point its just a matter of how much you can hold down. I ate 2.5. Took a rest. Tried to eat more, puked it out. We had our fire going, sitting under this tree. My intention was to open my heart, but ultimately, it doesn't really matter. This is all the ego's stories. It was a full moon that night, and a super moon. Its presence was imposing in the night sky, shining pure white. On the edges, deep iridescent purple and pink and blue. It was watching over us. Its energy was very strong. At times I would see white beams of light quickly shoot up in the sky towards the moon, barely a flicker. I'm not one to believe in UFOs, but in a place like this, who knows?

I felt the peyote kick in. Staring into the fire - I could gaze into deep wisdom. Questions, and answers, and questions again. Endless cycles. The ego playing endless games unto itself. What does it all mean? Then a crackle, a pop, a piece of wood breaks you out of your trance. And it begins again. Victoria put on this shamaning chanting. Closing my eyes, incredible soft kaleidoscopal visuals. Cacti illuminated by bright colorful lights, like alien creatures, morphing and melting into each other, becoming me. Or were they always me? Deep ineffable wisdom, the forces of nature. I chanted with the music - it didn't make any sense to my mind, but it felt right. OWAAA SHAY KA LAHH.. OWAAA SHAYY YA KA NAHHHH. SHUA SHEY BAM BAM BAM .... Shake your bum.. bum.. bum... The fire took in my emotions - my pain - my fear - and transmuted it. And my love too. All energy moving, flowing within us and all around us. The moon was still up there shining its eerie alien energy. Ages passed. Victoria mentioned the time. It was barely midnight. The night was just beginning. ....Holy. Fuck.

Interlude
==========

A beautiful woman from Tepoztlan had gifted me this charm she had sewn herself. Colorful strings strung in a diamond shape with an eye in the center. She told me it will protect me. We were lovers, and there was a deep connection between us, something I have not experienced with any other woman. Holding her charm to my heart, I could feel her love. I knew she was sitting by the fire at that same time, back in Tepoztlan, thinking about me. Thank you.

Talked with my friends about anything and everything, chanted, laughed, cuddled, spat, coughed. Real acknowledgment of the energy between us, which is sometimes difficult to deal with. Tried to stay warm and comfortable, with little success. Ended up just giving up on trying to keep things in order. Shake your bum, bum, bum !

Wander
======

Something called me to explore deeper. I left the safety and the comfort of the fire and I walked outside of our oasis into the desert. The moon was shining so bright, illuminating the endless thorny bushes and cacti with an ephemereal glow. I walked past the road and into the bushes.

The wind was blowing hard. It was cold. The desert was alive with this unreal energy. The forces of nature that will take me beyond the mind. Struggling with the ego - my eternal struggle. Trying to keep control - when all I want deep down is just to let myself go. When will I have done ENOUGH to deserve this? To finally release, let go of the mind, and be in bliss. I just want to relax. Frustration. I screamed as loud as I could. No response. I screamed again. I heard only a frustrated man.

I then felt something I've never felt before. An invitation to simply walk in the desert and get lost. Forget about my friends, my safety, myself. To wander in the desert and have the wind carry my body away. And along with it, my soul. Just truly let myself go.

What a powerful, and scary invitation. But I must learn to trust myself, and know that I will find my way back. I wandered in the desert, searching for myself. Is this where I truly find myself? Whatever the fuck that means. I was ready. Stumbling from bush to bush, getting scratched by the spines, with no destination in mind. Alas, no. I only found more questions than answers. The blowing wind. The moon illuminating the desert. I laid down in the vracked clay-like earth, huddled up in my sweater, illuminated by the moon. Feeling myself dissolve... Exactly what happened out there in the desert eludes me now. And that may be OK. I must come to terms with that.

But I did find something within me. This fire deep within my heart, my soul, the glowing embers radiating fiercely. It warmed me, standing there in the desert. Is this who I am ? At my very core? I don't know. It's not something I can understand with my mind - I can only feel it.

Eventually, the thought of my friends made me go back. I didn't want to end up on a news article somewhere - Canadian man stranded in the desert on peyote. I'm sure it's happened to others, though.

The sun was getting close to rising, but it was still night. I felt this predatory animal presence in the desert that I didn't feel when I had walked out there. There are many burrows dug by wild animals here. Walking through the bushes, the desert teemed with this menacing predatory activity. Feline growls coming from all around me - animals waiting to pounce, hidden just out of sight, on edge - and I was on edge too. I got scared. I felt the fear, signaled to the animals that I meant no harm, and made it back. My inner fire helped me.

Cactus
==========

Finally, after the sun had risen nice and high, I walked out in the desert again. The sky a beautiful light blue, with lazy white clouds billowing throughout. Much more welcoming and safe atmosphere - no more predatory animals. Amazing how much the vibe shifts.

Still feeling confused. I spotted a nice looking cactus tree in the distance. I like climbing things. Perhaps this will be it. Where I will finally find salvation. With a sad smile, I climbed up the dry cactus bark, and made it to the top. Looked out across the desert. It felt good. So, did I find salvation? I knew that I wouldn't. But I do like climbing things. With a smile I climbed back down and went to rejoin my friends.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115421
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 29
Published: May 22, 2021	Views: 1,067
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Peyote (42) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Nature / Outdoors (23), First Times (2)