DOSE:

3 hits

sublingual

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

65 kg

I knew there was more to the substance than what I had experienced with it in the past in moderate doses I took but I never imagined it could go to the extent which it did when I attempted a heavy dose. I underestimated its potential, thinking that the chemical just doesn't affect my system that hard, as both my girlfriend and two friends of mine took 1 tab and felt strong effects but I took the same and barely felt anything.

I've studied and researched the ins and outs of psychedelics and so I thought I had sufficient knowledge of the effects and adequate training in how to deal with a difficult situation whilst under its influence but I've never been more wrong. Psychedelics in high doses are extremely unpredictable and one can never be prepared for what they have to show you.

Despite my research, my ego lead me into being courageously stupid enough to take 3 tabs and boy was I humbled because of it.

THE TRIP.

It was in the early morning of the 4th of January 2017 that I went about on a psychedelic journey that would temporarily change my perception of reality. At precisely 8:00AM I placed the small cardboard blocks drenched in the infamous Lysergic Acid Diethyl-amide, underneath my tongue, unprepared for what I was about to experience.

As quickly as 10 minutes after taking it I already started feeling the initial effects. Walking to the gate to open for my girlfriend I felt the huge bursts of pure raw energy flowing through my body. My skin felt alien as a crazy electric tingling sensation went through it. It felt as if I was being reborn into my body.

25 minutes in and the mental effects started to manifest. My thoughts started speeding up, going faster through my head as each minute went by. It was at the same time that visual distortions became evident. The writing displayed on the screen of the television in front of me began to shift, moving left and right and up and down in a slow and clear motion. As the curtains and walls on my left and right began to start warping in my much more enhanced peripheral vision, the music playing started sounding more echoey and wider, the ambience of the way it sounded amplified the pleasure and euphoria of listening to music by a huge factor.

40 minutes had now passed from time of dosage and past memories and new concepts were flying throughout my head in all directions at an extreme pace.

The level of intensity continued to rise as I noticed myself taking a completely new perspective on every thought I had that I had already previously thought about in a past sober state. I went to the kitchen to make breakfast however when I got there I was distracted by the river-like flowing woodgrain of the cupboard doors surrounding me. I had begun the journey of transitioning from every day reality to another dimension where time is but an illusion and the lines separating what we perceive as different objects and entities are blurred.

I then giggled in delight as I observed the delayed trails created by the whisking of eggs in a bowl using a fork. It seemed as if each frame of motion lasted 3 seconds longer than it was supposed to.

Unable to process what was going on in the real world, I realized I was incapable of frying the eggs myself and so requested my girlfriend assist me. After she had scrambled the eggs and made it into a sandwich. I observed the shaking like motion of the pieces of egg and thus realized I had no appetite.

1 hour in and the further time stamps in this story now become both impossible to determine and irrelevant as my perception of time became more and more distorted at a rapid rate.

I then decided to take out the picture container and look through some of my old family pictures with my girlfriend. Observing the photographs evoked different emotions with each picture in a bipolar manner. One memory brought feelings of sadness and regret to the surface and another minutes later induced bursts of uncontrollable laughter. The visuals started becoming near blinding in that I was unable to identify people in pictures as the faces distorted and morphed into strange droopy looking shapes.

After going through pictures I laid down on the carpet as my consciousness continued to expand exponentially. The usually snow white ceiling was now fully covered in hundreds of overlapping 2D cylindrical shapes. I watched in awe as the identical multicolored shapes continued to pile up and form over each other, covering every square inch on the surface area of the ceiling, leaving no space blank.

We then went to my room where I spiraled more and more into insanity. Thinking thoughts and then forgetting what I was thinking just after I thought them. Words became more and more difficult to string together into sentences as I would time after time lose my train of thought mid sentence, unable to recall what I just said.

I suggested we listen to some relaxing music to ease my mind however my rapidly flowing thoughts and jittery body load prevented me from staying still and in one place for more than a couple of seconds. Time slowed down more as the trip progressed. A sober person's seconds were now turning into hours in my psychedelic world. I was extremely hyper and out of control as I wandered back and forth through rooms in my house with no real objective. I looked down at the ground as we left my room after being in there for a very brief period. For a moment the hallucinations were kaleidoscopic, it looked as if I had 6 feet on each leg, a foot for every 60 degrees within the 360 around my body, the hallucinations now becoming more and more intricately detailed and vivid.

I spent more time being taken by the incredible open eye visuals around me and on my arms and hands. My girlfriend's face had what looked like ancient text and tribal patterns tattooed on her skin but flowing in a circular motion, the whole experience felt very traditional and primitive. Amidst those markings her face would often morph into what resembled a carbon copy of mine but in a girl version. I saw me in her and her and me, at the time convinced that there was no her but we were all of the same soul making us no different from each other.

Sitting on the couch feeling hyper connected to everything around me, I had a full blown epiphany that life didn't have a point and understanding that crazy perceived truth drove me insane. I viewed human existence, earth and our universe itself as a tiny cosmic giggle that meant nothing in the grand scope of the multiverse.

I decided to go outside and explore the new psychedelic world that my garden had been transformed into. The nature surrounding me was extremely bright with vivid colours, visually it looked as if I was apart of an eye catching energetic masterpiece of a painting, where all the different illuminating colours were incredibly defined yet simultaneously melted into one another.

At this point the trip was extremely intense, the powerful psychedelic state I was in had me incredibly suggestible and easy influenced. This allowed a subtle mentioning of my swimming pool from my girlfriend to cause me to quickly strip down to my underwear and enthusiastically run towards the pool and dive in without any hesitation. The delusions in my head lead me into believing if I didn't swim with my girlfriend today as I had earlier promised, then I would be an untrustworthy liar to her and she would never see me in a good light ever again. With that irrational reasoning, I was head first into the water with my spontaneous eagerness shocking my girlfriend. I ecstatically called her to come join me as I swam yet it felt more like flying as I soared through the depths of universal awareness. Whilst waiting impatiently for her to change and get in I noticed the water on my skin however I didn't feel much as my awareness escaped from the confines of my human body and Instead was drifting through the air.

Somewhere within that moment I realized that I was the entire universe and the entire universe was me, our bodies are just shells we temporarily inhabit for 1 lifetime long experience of viewing things from 1 specific perspective.

It became crystal clear that whatever we did in the shape of these vessels we take charge of, actually had no real impact on the universe at all.

My ego was dissolving at a rapid rate to the point where I didn't know who and what my personality was yet there was a tiny piece of my perceived identity left that I used every last power and energy in my fiber to grab and hold on to. I was terrified of letting go and dying. Losing your sense of self and having your conscious leave your body to become part of the awareness that is the universe itself can feel exactly like physical death, because it basically is.

Is you exiting the limitations of your human body to join the cosmos of existence not essentially death itself? Well I suppose the only difference is that with an ego death on psychedelics you get to return to your body afterwards, with real death you don't (at least we don't know so for sure).

I was thus scared of letting go and dying as instinctively and naturally as one would be. It's instinctive to fight for your life and instilled in your mind being from a society and era where we're all after control and afraid of what we don't know, we're terrified of losing ourselves and the individual world we've each created around us that we think we know.

With a psychedelic dose as heavy as mine, control in that situation is non existent. Terrified of dying I fought the hardest I'd ever fought to grasp on to the tiny trace of my identity that remained. Had my ego completely dissolved without me having anything left to hold on to, then I would have had no choice but to be shot straight into ego death and experience the bliss of just being pure awareness. However instead I held on which turned the most profound, enlightening and spiritually awakening moment of my life, into also the most paranoid frightening traumatic experience of my life. I was convinced I had lost my mind, having gone absolutely bonkers and would never ever be the same again completely forgetting that I even took a drug, I thought I was stuck in a loop of pointless existence forever and that even death wouldn't end the hellish nightmare I was trapped in. However eventually I slowly started retuning to a sober state as my consciousness returned to my body. It felt as if who I was and all my memories and traits and abilities were being reloaded into my brain and body. It was if life was all a game and I was now being reprogrammed after experiencing the hidden truth and source code behind the simulation that is life. The visuals still lingered with every surface being filled with tribal patterns. As they faded out into the night, I reflected on an incredible heaven and hell of an infinite journey I had went on and what it had taught me. My life would never be the same, whether I liked it or not. I believe I'll start the next one on a fresh clean slate but for at least the rest of this perceived lifetime, my eyes will be forever open and my soul awakened. I wouldn't want to have my perception and philosophies on life solely dependent on "just a drug experience" but the power of the truth behind this chemical can't be denied.

My trip in its entirety was essentially a huge build up to reaching ego death, I felt all my memories disappearing from my mind one by one on this massive journey into the unknown, and I mean a monumentally massive journey. Where each second felt like 20 years and although time was passing rapidly, I experienced it in slow motion, this crazy phenomenal that no one can even begin to wrap their head around unless they currently in that experience right this very moment. There was euphoria in the mysticism of the experience as everything felt magical. The feeling of no longer being a human having a three dimensional experience but instead a universally multidimensional being, having a human experience was just surreal.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 115984
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 21, 2022	Views: 1,070
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