DOSE:

7 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

90 kg

January 2022

Having waited six months, I decided to reiterate with a mushroom journey.

This time I decided to go for a substantial dose, seven grams of potent mushrooms, a mix of Amazonian from two different batches, some had a strong blue colour over their stalks, a sign of consequential presence of Psilocybin. I also added a rather large specimen of Golden Teacher. That amounted in total to seven grams.

So this time, I had all the right tools set to surely take me back to those realms of perception.

It was around 6pm, I always choose to start in the evening, I like that time around Sunset, aiming at the transition between Day and Night. And so, after that, I can calmly take the time to assimilate the experience, just before falling asleep.

I chew them consciously, one at a time, and slowly, making sure to squash them properly, so they would release their substance swiftly. I always proceed on an empty stomach, to have nothing else than them to digest, assuming that my stomach would absorb Psilocybin more efficiently.

Half an hour later, I could sense the effects coming up, with the usual buzz that I can hear, taking place over the sounds of my surrounding, that is the usual sign, for me, that everything will start shortly.

I set the playlist with my two favourite albums, as always, except this time... I had not set the loop mode, so the music would stop playing at the end of the second album. That was to make the distinction between, with and without music. As I remembered McKenna once again, saying, that the setting should be done in darkness and in silence.

The effects came undoubtedly, in a strong sensation. There I was again witnessing those faint visions, to start with. I concentrated, and I zoomed-in, on the content of the visuals, as I was told on the previous experience. It was becoming incredible as always, observing the architectural magnificence, the complexity, the oddness, the contrasts and colours of that world, there was a sense of solemnity.

But then after some time, the music stopped, and I was abruptly left lying in the silence of my room, the prettiness and all the previous characteristics of the visuals had worn off suddenly, and visions became darker, one of the first thing that came was the buzzing, the one that I usually get at the beginning of a trip, it started again, and for the first time, I experienced some more auditive hallucinations, that is the first time it happened to me on mushrooms It is hard to describe, but it was something that would sound like, if a big engine was shut down, and was coming to a stop. A deep sound, that would be heard repetitively, but it was slowly loosing in loudness, and in interval regularity, until it eventually ceased. After that came some sorts of bubbling sounds, such as bubbles popping off. And finally an almost unbearable Silence. From the moment the music had stopped, it changed everything, the feeling I had back then, is that the music was in some way, tethering me, like a link to the reality. And that gone, it took a totally unexpected new turn, intensity was felt like never before. As if the real power of the substance was unleashed at once, and then I was violently catapulted within a deeper experience altogether, I felt a bit overwhelmed, not panicking yet, but almost. and tried to focus again, trying to remember who I was, and where I was. Not lying in my bed in the bedroom of my reality, but rather who I really was, behind those closed eyes. In other words I was getting to observe my consciousness !

That is what helped me not losing myself to the sense of fear that was gradually rising in me.

Something that usually could really make me nervous, are tight confined spaces, I could get claustrophobic, such as the feeling, if I would be put alive in a coffin. And that's a bit what it felt with those dark visions that I was experiencing, they were starting to be oppressing, and for a moment I felt blocked from any movement, within the visual space, there were no more ways of focusing, or zooming-in. So I focused on my consciousness, and with this new approach I could handle this new part of the experience, it was a difficult moment, but I managed to overcome it.

Darkness was fading away, colours, and space were coming back, and I was able once again to move freely within the visuals.

At this time I realised something, that it is not really about concentration and zooming-in, but the goal is rather to be able to move through the visions, by finding what I would call, “The Vanishing Point”. Such as in a drawing, represented as the point where the perspective comes from, and that would allow me to pass through the visions, that is what I focused on, all the way, it wasn't any more about contemplating the visions, as it is usually the prettiness and the amazement, that procure those incredible sights, that are distracting me, and preventing me, from reaching a further level. So due to the focus on the vanishing point, I don't really remember much of what followed, of what was presented to me, as I would not pay any more attention to the beauty, and the attractiveness of the visuals.

I also understood something else about the breathing this time, I realised that in the past, during other experiences, such as with DMT, the less I breathe, the more intense the visuals would become, so I often reach a point of apnoea that allows me to increase the intensity of the experience, where it is almost like if I had forgotten to breathe. Until my body, as if it had a security mode, would take back control over me, and suddenly inhaled, as to keep me alive. That happening, the sudden deep breathing, makes the experience go weak, creating an interruption of the journey , and once the air intake is done, it eventually comes back again to the visions, but it can take some time to return to the same point, if possible, if not it carries on into a totally different place, where I have to start again to reach the same momentum, as if taking me backward in the journey. So in order to palliate to this, I worked on my breathing, I found it more appropriate when breathing through the nose, at a very slow but constant pace. Which is the process of meditation I believe, but I didn't realised that until this experience.

Doing this, I carried on more efficiently, through those spaces of utterly beauty, I was able, while searching for the vanishing point, to get a glimpse of those really odd and curious places, where huge objects made of vivid colours, and of unconventional geometrical shapes, were floating in slow motion, such as they would in a zero gravity room. But my only goal now was, to locate the vanishing point. As soon as I could find it, I would leave those places.

After some time, I arrived to the fractal world, I could notice the Fractal beings, everywhere around me, I was happy to see them again, they were all looking at me, some depicting smiling faces. I could sense their enthusiasm about meeting again, but we were not to have any interactions this time, as it felt they they were encouraging me to go further, I passed through it, I did not stop, and kept on going.

After some more time travelling through limitless visions at such an incredible speed, I was forced to a stop, for a short moment, and was asked a question : “Do you really wish to go beyond this point, do you really wish to see what lies beyond ?” the sort of Matrix question implying the red pill, it felt like the space was dividing in two different ways, I answered “Yes” and that allowed to carry on, on the right path. For a long time, I passed through many more places, that I have no memory of, as speed had increased, until I reached a place that somehow felt like the end of the journey.

And if I could, I would describe it as, the beginning of consciousness. There I was in space, motionless, contemplating the Universe, with billions of Stars and Galaxies spreading in front of me, there I had the feeling of oneness with the Universe, it was me, and I was it.

Physically, it strangely felt as if the vastness of the Universe, was just there at the external frontier of my body, just lying upon my skin, at that very point in between my eyes. At that moment, it would trigger a memory I had about what Gautama Buddha said after reaching his state of enlightenment : “I saw things as they are” in other words, the moment at which he saw everything. Thoughts were coming to me, this time, I wasn't trying to repel them, as I usually would, not to be disturbed, but in that state of consciousness thoughts were not disturbing me any more in the contrary, they were complementary to the experience. And brought me to a clarity of mind, which allowed me to have compelling reflections.

It felt that I could have reached the closest state possible from enlightenment, maybe it was what some would define as, according to the Hinduism, the “Samadhi” a state of meditative consciousness.

I then had another thought about Buddha, thinking that Him too, as a human being, might have ingested some mushrooms to reach such a state of consciousness. Having that thought, I suddenly found myself sitting at the foot of a Tree, in a luxurious tropical jungle, I was meditating, such as Buddha had done, and while meditating with my eyes closed, I could sense a presence, coming out of that deep jungle, at a certain distance in front of me, and whatever it was, it was coming towards me, and through the leaves of that thick jungle, it suddenly appeared, it was a Tiger, I was a bit apprehensive about it at his sight, and thought that while remaining there sitting, I could be in danger of getting eaten, the Tiger was walking slowly, and quietly, as He would, if He was to see a potential pray, He was trying not to make any sounds, not to be spotted, to get the closest as possible from me, to eventually jump and devour me.

As he was coming closer, I was getting more anxious, and I decided to open my eyes, (there by the Tree, not in my bed) I decided to do so, to make him understand that I was aware of his presence, despite his efforts to walk stealthily, and while opening my eyes to look at him, I tried to remain unemotional, not to let any fear appear, as I did so, He kept on walking towards me, He did not show any signs of surprise as I had spotted him, He wasn't on the look out any more, but kept approaching, fixing me persistently, with his piercing gaze.

When he was about a yard away from me, the moment felt really tense, as if I had made the mistake of not trying to escape, He was massive, impressive, scary and beautiful, fear was in me, and I could imagine his mouth grabbing my throat at once, but I didn't let anything appear on my body expression, I kept on looking at him straight in his eyes, and there He was, his face just in front of mine, few centimetres away, we looked deeply in each other eyes for a moment. Until I carefully, and in a peaceful manner, lifted one of my hand, and brought it higher to his forehead to stroke him. He did not move as my hand rose, passing his mouth and nose He then smelled me, I then put my hand on his forehead, and he finally accepted that touch. As soon as I did so, Him, Me, and the whole Jungle faded away, and I was back at the sight of the infinite space, with these billions of stars, stretching in front of me. There, in my mind, I received a sort of message through the mean of a thought, which was saying, “you can create anything you want” But I felt bewildered by this… for quite some time, I simply remained there in space, silent, I did not try to say or to answer anything, I was seized by the crucial importance of what that could imply, if I was to intent on creating anything, and I did not dare doing so.

But I felt blissed, at that moment, I felt in such peace, I felt full mindedness. I could have died there in my bed, it wouldn't have felt important, there I was, and that is everything that mattered, my body was not relevant any more, in the light of that situation.

After sometime, another thought came to me, it was regarding Earth this time, I visualised Earth, but more specifically our “Reality”, again a sort of depiction a bit similar in appearance to that Painting, “The Garden of Earthly Delight”.

And I grasped the sense, of what our reality, should have really been like, the concept that I was showed, was that in our physical forms, Earth was meant to be our playground, our field of experimentation, where we could overtake all of ours limits. For us, Human beings, alongside the Animal realm, in the Vegetal kingdom.

Also what I understood regarding the importance of the physical world, “Our Reality”, is that, it is meant to allow Life to replicate itself, thus creating a constant flow of living beings, through Humans but also, Animals, and Plants, and the goal for them all, is to reach the State of Consciousness, death from materiality being the ultimate barrier.

But it felt that, the Reality had been manipulated for many years, thousands of years, by some forces that did not want, and would not allow Humans and Other type of life to reach that Consciousness, their intent being to keep us all in a cycle, in a loop, held only in the material reality, as it is the only place upon which they could act.

It is sad to see that those substances, have been demonised and banned for so many years, it is not surprising that in the past, religions, and nowadays our governments, have rendered those substances illegitimate, because I now believe, that they really know what it implies, regarding our state of existence, but all that matter to them, is their control over us. And by classifying them as illegal, they lead the masses into perceiving it as bad practices, dangerous substances, drug with harmful effects, with an inappropriate use for “the society” So that no one would feel the appeal to it, and they somehow succeeded as to see now, how most of the people keep their distance from it.

While on the contrary its very use would have totally changed the society.

Back in my bed, with my eyes closed, visions had disappeared, and I was oscillating between laughters and tears, from happiness, amazement, and sadness, regarding this concept that had just been exposed to me.

I was slowly coming back to myself. I was left with even more questions than answers, as to, Who are the fractal people, and what role do they play in all this ? What about the Animal realm ? What about reincarnation ? What could have I been able to create if I had wished to ?

Those I guess are topics, that I hope, I might be able to explore on a next journey...

That experience really made me feel that Mushrooms are a link, to a real symbiosis between Humans and Nature.

I'm pleased to know that such state of consciousness exist, and so happy to know that everyone can reach it too.

I remember myself in my room at that moment, only being able to say “My Goodness”, holding my head between my hands, repeating again and again, “My goodness” with abundant tears running down my cheeks. I was in shock, and I wanted to tell it to the whole World, to everyone, but I wouldn't and couldn't find the words to express it. And as the effects were wearing off, I was finally back to myself, or should I rather say back to my body, it felt that, if I was to tell it to anyone, they would simply end up thinking that I am insane, to use and to give so much importance to a '' drug''.

In my room I tried to stood up from my bed, but I felt dizziness, my eyes opened, while looking around me, it was like if my whole field of vision was, as covered by a transparent film, made of many small circles, or I could describe it as, looking through a thin layer of transparent bubbles.

The only side effect that I could notice, was a mild headache, that came after the experience, and lasted the whole following day. I feel that it was due to the excessive concentration I had to exert to go through the visions. But that wasn't much to endure regarding the experience I had.

Despite me trying my best to describe those experiences, it feels like a weak tale compared to the actual intensity of that Journey. Thoughts feel so much more efficient when it comes to expression, words need so much time to formulate, to hear, or to write, while the instantness and explicitness of thoughts seems without equals.

Unfortunately, thoughts are not something that I am yet able to cast.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116169
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 41
Published: Sep 27, 2022	Views: 336
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Mushrooms (39), Breathing (470) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), General (1)