DOSE:	1 - 2 hit	oral	1P-LSD	(blotter / tab)
	50 - 80 carts.	inhaled	Nitrous Oxide	(gas)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

Before I begin, I think it would be appropriate to provide some context that led up to this particular series of hellish 1P-LSD/Nitrous mind loops that I had to learn to work through. I mention this stuff because I believe my identity and experiences form a substantial part of my subconscious and might have affected the imagery and messages received in the loop. I think context is very important, especially with LSD.

I was raised Catholic and decided from a very young age that God did not exist despite the devout nature of my parents and small town community. I gravitate towards the analytical side and have known to be a very skeptical person. I had mental health issues relating to depression, anxiety, trauma, and self-image through my childhood years that were never quite addressed. I am introverted homebody and tend to prefer to spend spare time alone.

Taking a white knuckle approach to mental health led to a lot of struggles in my early 20s. I had been in and out of therapy and had not found someone who I connected with or assisted with solutions that were sustainable long-term. Never was the type to feel like I fit in, and felt for most of my life that my being here was a big mistake. Never felt particularly passionate about anything, and struggled to find the energy to complete fairly basic tasks.

Then the pandemic hit.

Being in Canada, this meant virtually 2 years of lockdowns. I understand the statistics for young single men and knew that very bad times were coming if I did not find some tools to help me through it. This led me to researching LSD.

During the lockdown, I had started taking 1P-LSD once a week. I chose 1P because I knew the purity was more reliable due to a personal friendship with the source chemist and their legitimate clients. This had begun to do wonders on my perspective and outlook on life. Sometimes I would take more depending on if I was hanging out with friends (which I started to do much more of when I started this journey) or experimenting with concepts, but most often one blotter once a week was the dosage schedule.

I found I took well to the substance from the start, and people did not realize I was on acid. I had cut out all other substances from my life quite naturally during this time, unless you consider smartphones a mind altering substance, which I would argue it is. In addition, I had also lost 80 pounds. I attribute the ease and maintenance of the lifestyle changes over a year and a half to the reframing of my subconscious mind while using this substance along with the need to re-evaluate what actually matters.

I had previous experiences with nitrous that involved no combinations, and it always felt like there was something I was missing/unable to see in the experience that would lead to a deeper understanding of truth. I sometimes wonder if this has to do with having aphantasia (a dark mind’s eye) that seemed to start changing after regular 1P-LSD use. After about a year and a half of regular 1P-LSD use with clear net-positive effects, I decided to try this combination. In every instance, the combination was taken at home by myself with the context of pandemic, work and school stress looming in the background. Typical events would involve 1-2 blotters and 50-80 canisters. Music and breath work were substantial aspects in these experiences. I had also stumbled into spiritual tiktok, which may have had an effect on my subconscious.

What followed was a “mind loop” that led me to experience realities beyond my wildest imaginations. It opened up Pandora's Box to the world of angels, demons and other entities within the metaphysical. I am still unable to determine with full confidence if I was experiencing the brink of insanity, spiritual awakening, a subconscious psychological light show, or a combination of the three. Nevertheless, it took approximately two months to close the loop and 2 additional months to gain long-term insight.

During the first instance of taking this combination, I had noticed what appeared to be a labyrinth to navigate through. From a bird’s eye view, the labyrinth looked strikingly similar to the labyrinth found in Kabbalistic mythology. I had come to find out about this concept after the fact. There seemed to be different themes and aesthetic characteristics in different areas of the maze, and if I did not maintain focus, or if I were to hesitate in one area of the maze, I would not proceed to the next section. Some sections were witnessed on top of this reality, others felt out of this world, and some felt like a combination of both. If I took a break between sessions, I would arrive back in the same area of the labyrinth that I was previously within. There was an aspect of this that felt like a video game that was very entertaining. This upped the habit forming properties of nitrous for me, as often I would feel like I was moments away from breaking through to the next section when the effects would wear off. Memory loss of the trips were common, but some concepts and events were profound and easy to remember.

However, there seemed to be a time limit, and after a certain number of canisters, I would get too tired, or my brain would become too unfocused to continue. During this time, I was a spiritual novice and in retrospect, navigating through this maze with the use of substances may have had some deeply troublesome spiritual implications that I still do not fully understand. The sections and flow I can recall were as follows:

1. The Labyrinth Itself

I would equate this section to a map menu. This area felt almost like a progress bar that I could return to throughout the journey without warning, almost like there was an understanding that everything occurs within it. The look of it was very black and white and grey, consisting mostly of lines and goofy looking stick figures and shapes, like I was inside Microsoft Paint. I do not remember comprehending any emotion in this space. Navigating in this area was interesting, as it felt like where my mind would focus, I would travel. Everything moved fastest here but I picked up no real deeper meaning. There is this box area at the beginning that seemed a bit odd. It was a box sectioned off and full of straggly lines, and if entered, your spirit body would lay down, and it felt like “time out” and I would just see messy lines in this reality. I thought of this section like those hedge or corn mazes, except black, white, bland, and very basic in foundation, but complex in construction.

2. 2D Psychedelic Zone

In this area, I want to say everything almost looked stereotypically 60’s era psychedelic and kind of cheap/jenky. Almost like an introductory level. The aesthetic also reminded me of early installations at Disneyland that occurred around the same time. It felt like a party in the sky. A lot of pinks and blue rounded off blobby 2D figures would float around to the music I was listening to. I would audibly laugh when looking at this. This was definitely fun. I had this feeling in the area that this was a pretty neat analogue invention, and that had more effort been placed on this technology, our ideas of information sharing via phones would be vastly different. I had this thought that it was a man-made creation by 3 men in the late 1960s in a tent that was then shared to the world. Quickly after this thought I transitioned to the next area.

3. The Question Mark

This section lasted for quite a while and was more integrated in current reality. The typical LSD trails were a bit more apparent, and this very distinctive question mark would keep popping up in various content. I would watch a lot of Youtube videos while tripping in this space. I would also see a lot of lacy aesthetics that were almost alien-like when looking at people and buildings. There was a distinctive popping or vocal clicking noise that would occur in this zone from time to time. I would see this imagery in video and on social media, and re-watch it post-trip and wonder how the identical imagery could look so different. This section was particularly difficult to move past, because the question mark would disappear right before I could fully identify it over and over again. Eventually, I got more used to the symbol, and the exit of this portion was very mind blowing. The corners of my room started to melt like paint on a canvas (or like that crayon blow-dryer hack effect). All of the sudden, my entire reality in the present appeared 2D, like I was on some kind of film set and the lights got shut off. 3D appeared like it was an optical illusion. It felt the Truman show, like I was being shown that nothing is as it appears.

4. Brain Station

This section got very introspective. After watching the world turn into this sludgy 2D image, this overlay started to take over in the form of a pattern effect that looked like the folds of a brain that eventually became more dimensional. I had an understanding that I was seeing right into my own brain. I would see a lot of geometric shapes, and different sections of brain folds that would illuminate to all sorts of different distinct colors. I would see my own body from a third person perspective walk into passages that would illuminate in distinct colors at different points. Sometimes the thick folds with tighten up and almost appear to fall away, and I would be worried that I was causing significant brain damage. It was fun and I was tempted to continue. The movement here was very in line with music. Towards the end of navigating this space, I could see my brain, or a portion of it, zoomed out. It wasn’t quite shaped like a brain, looked more like a blob, but had the texture of a brain. It was strapped together by what appeared to be a belt against a wall on a shelf in a glass case. It was almost like it was on display at a museum. I was mesmerized by this imagery, and would notice that depending on the music, the brain would appear happy or sad and the folds would smile or frown. When it was sad it would cry out tears in all directions. When it was happy it would bump and jive to music like it was dancing. I could feel its emotive status.

5. Lego Land

When I finally moved past the hallway section where I saw my brain, I showed up to this place where I felt like anything I was thinking would appear before me. It was a very creative zone. I was really into drafting these almost pyramid-like objects in here when I would close my eyes. It was like I was building my own little psychedelic city. The aesthetic was similar to the 2D psychedelic zone, but it was like I could add my own touch to it. Purple is my favorite color, and just about everything here was different shades of purple, and if I thought hard enough, I could integrate the shapes that came to mind into areas of the real setting around me. I found that I could expand objects as though they were balloons. Up and down and size didn’t quite exist, and I was the master of everything that was created. Initially this felt very empowering and I spent a lot of time here.
However, a very odd thing happened at the end of the zone. It was similar to what happened at the end of the question mark zone, where all of the sudden, everything I created here turned into this odd vinyl, thin plastic like material and kind of deflated onto itself. There was something very off-putting about this. The coloring of the background in my mind and in reality started to appear more orange and red and eventually turned into this very solid black and white spiral effect that still appeared when I opened my eyes and overrode this reality. Something about the spiral was startling. All the objects I had created were turned into a cheap clear non latex vinyl plastic material. It was like I had deceived myself into thinking I was this master creator in this space, when all of it was a sham. It was like I was being told there is a limit to my power to create as an individual human with the mind alone. This message seemed to contradict with a lot of “5D” spiritual tik toks I had seen about how “we are more powerful than we think” and “we are our own Gods”. I felt like the tide was shifting.

6. HELL

The end of Lego land kind of freaked me out so I took a break. In the next session, about a week later, I saw the first entrance to hell. I saw five entrances in total. It seemed as when I would hesitate or see something that would freak me out too much, I would head back to the end of the brain station and see my brain in the hallway again, usually in a state of distress. Then when I would go to Lego Land, I would see a lot more things appear as “good or evil” overlaid on current reality and my building power diminished. It was like the identification was replacing the question mark. I will speak to some specific examples of this later. It was like now another force was showing me truth. Although it was scary, I had this feeling like I had to push through it or I would be stuck in the hell area forever. I had this feeling like there had to be something more on the other side, but I had to be willing to try and take a risk of eternal damnation. I will start by breaking down each hell experience I encountered:

Entrance 1: Russian Roulette Revolver

In this entrance of hell, I saw similar figures that I saw in 2D psychedelic land at first. They were dancing around and jolly, but had more sinister looks on their faces. A huge group of them pooled together and I followed them. I think this was the closest thing to the idea of Machine Elves that I’ve encountered. They were sitting in the cylinder of a revolver and I came to believe I became entrapped in one of the bullet chambers and could not escape. They seemed excited, but I was not. The cylinder would spin and shoot to the beat of the music. The background in the cylinder said “Welcome to Hell” in a very distinctive font. The fear of what would happen next was paralyzing. In a few seconds, I had shot out the barrel and knew I was on my way to hell. I was terrified. I jumped out if my bed and screamed, my heart was beating out of my chest, and I was sweating. I felt like I had really messed up with this experimentation. While I understood that I could leave that simulation at any time by shifting focus by jumping out of bed and walking it off, I was also worried that something might be happening to me spiritually that I could not come back from. Before I tried again, I read up on many different worldviews on what hell and the nature of reality are. I became obsessed with the concept of hell
.
Entrance 2: Celtic/Pagan Entrance

On Tiktok, I was following this person who hosted worldwide meditations who had talked about this concept of “firing the grid” and recommended music with “encoding” from “entities” who want humans to remember the truth. I consider myself a fairly rational minded person so the fact that I was even opening up to these concepts was making me question my sanity, but I decided that whatever, I would go with it. In the next session, I listened to this music that was almost cheesy, purely instrumental, and definitely ethereal. I would have not listened to this on my own in my spare time. As I started the trip, I was reset to the brain hallway and walked through to Lego land. In here, the setting was a forest. I was dancing around in a tribal way with three other beings, distinctively without shoes on and dirty feet. It felt like I was getting in touch with my Pagan roots. We were holding a sheet. There was a “whoosh” in the music and when the sheet lifted, I found myself in a very orange cave environment, surrounded by a sea of other entities that all looked similar and were also orange. While orange, it was not fiery. There were elements of the question mark environment and lacy architecture in here. Everyone was happy. It was like we were waiting. It felt like a pass to continue on this journey. However, I still felt hesitant and decided to try again later without the music.

Entrance 3: Dark Tunnel

The next time I decided to do it without music at all. During this session, I felt like I could not see a separation between myself and the balloon. We were becoming one. From behind me, even though I was laying down, I felt a presence. I sat up and continued. When I looked behind, I saw a demonic face that was almost pushing me, I interpreted this entity as Satan. On the ceiling, I saw this giant humanoid that appeared to be sitting, and was wearing a sweatshirt. I was viewing the giant from behind. It was like I was in the middle of this odd entity sandwich all pointing to the same direction. When this giant stood up, I looked forward and saw an elevator shaft style tunnel that looked ashy, with hints of firey orange. I still hesitated here and told myself it was all in my head. I managed to jump out of the hell space before falling in the shaft, reduced it to a red bubble in the sky and popped it like a pimple and saw it dissipate. I was greeted by these stoic Templar beings that seemed like gate keepers or guards with black hats by a blue lake. For some reason, being there made me think I was in Australia. I was sitting by the lake clothed in white robe, and I could see my body in third person. It was oddly boring here, and I knew I wasn’t finished.

Entrance 4: White Room

The next entrance, which occurred on the same day as Dark Tunnel, a black and white spiral took my field of view very quickly. I was taken to a white room that occurred regardless if my eyes were open or closed. I felt like at any moment the doors would open to hell. I decided to break for a few days and try one more time.

Entrance 5: The Surge

I figured I would give it one final shot. At this point I had become preoccupied with hell and the occult, but hadn’t put myself in any spiritual contracts. Similar to white room, the visuals were the same if I had my eyes opened or closed. There was no avoiding this, but I felt like I was ready to work through it. It happened very quickly. I saw a flood of demons enter my room all at once from the ceiling. When I looked in the mirror, I too, looked like a demon. I didn’t feel scared this time. In this space, as the fear has dissipated, the setting seemed hilarious in an off-putting way. It was like all the entities were competing to be the most debaucherous and evil. There were Christians in cages hanging in the air that the entities were taunting. They seemed to be ripping each other apart, but they were gaining pleasure from doing so. It was like the light and dark were merged as one. They acted like they would praise each other and try to overpower each other. I thought to myself that there is definitely a hierarchy in hell and everything is upside down and backwards, kind of like earth right now (“as above, so below”). I also had this feeling that on Earth, time is slowed down and light and dark forces or levels of frequency are distinguishable as to notice the difference. As odd as it sounds, the whole thing just looked so foreign and hilarious. After this instance, I started to look at things in life completely differently. I took a break for two weeks.

As mentioned, I had some distinct experiences between entrances in Lego land, as well as some encounters without nitrous but while on 1P-LSD to note between the first and final hell experience.

I started testing out different sensory effects when in Lego Land when I would reset. For example, I would watch bible videos on YouTube, which would encapsulate the entire room around the phone into a grey and stone like medieval setting. Saw a knight in armour putting his arm over my chest and I audibly said HEY THAT WAS NOT PART OF THE DEAL, and I am still not sure why I said that. In this Christianized converted from hell space I also saw many gray human figures aimlessly moving around stone corners that gave me lost prison-like schizophrenic vibes. The experiences with manmade religious overtones were always remarkably boring and kind of frustrating. For a while I wondered if Satan might be the true God, or at least the “ruler of the earth”, if the Kabbalistic tree was legitimate, if this planet is a soul trap set up by aliens using love and dual rams horn spirals in the shape of a heart, if we all go to Hell, if I did something in my life that leads to the hell path, if everything set up in our society is designed to lead us to hell subconsciously, if I had forever lost my mind, or if I was pushing confirmation bias a bit too hard.

One time a Lana Del Rey poster would bleed out this ivy overlay, her eyes would turn red, she would turn around, and turned into the classic hooved and tailed devil with a taunting look and grey chromatic effect. That poster would do a lot of weird things and I was convinced that it was a hell portal. Her music would also dull out trips, and funny enough it was gifted to me by a questionable character and I wonder if that energy was attached to the poster. I no longer listen to her music and took down the poster.

I would watch YouTube videos and certain content creators would appear with the same red eyes and follow my eyes when I would scroll past the home screen. Notable ones were Delores Canon, Jeffree Star and Joe Rogan. Other creators would have this glowing gold look broken up in sections on their faces. It seemed like those who talked about the new age or occult like a prophet or had very distinct individualistic personalities took on an especially devilish look through the veil. It felt like there was a divide between good and evil that was easier to distinguish. Fonts would shift into a distinguishable font you see on satanic websites when approaching the hell space. It was like I was learning about the aesthetic that is associated with hell, like the look of KISS band members, emo bands, sharp edges, distinct demented looks that are very typical. I am not sure if this is the consequence of what society says is demonic that has been programmed in my subconscious, or if it is an accurate reflection of something very real.

After Effects

1P-LSD experiences without nitrous had a demented tendency for a bit. If I would look into my eyes in the mirror, the veil would thin with this distinguishable rainbow chrome overlay that somewhat reminds me of those plastic covers with moving pictures on some toys and books as a kid. My face would alternate between a demon, this geometric universe blank face thing, and a wonder woman style character that definitely seemed like me as a woman. These images could only take up only the right side of my face with a diagonal line of separation for seconds at a time and disappear after I lost focus. These characters (or maybe alternate versions of me?) would have a distinguishable eye like triangle or emblem on the forehead that I wonder was a representation of the third eye or the mark of the beast. The demented after effects on my face have almost entirely disappeared after a few months and a lot of reflection, but the ability to lift the veil to see a rainbow chrome overlay when staring into my own eyes and others eyes, including my cat’s eyes, has remained.

7. Ascension

After the demented after effects dissipated and I started to take in some life lessons, I felt the need to do nitrous one last time to fully close the loop and “return to start”. During this experience, my room was illuminated electric blue starting with the accents of the light fixture and moving outwards to completely surround me. Something about this felt very secure and comforting. I zoomed into a golden vertical sliding scale corridor that would enlarge as it rose from bottom up. Surrounding this scale was a vast space, with what looked like floor levels in the distance that appeared to go on infinitely. I zoomed into this space from within the tip of those standard cheap nipple light fixtures on my ceiling. I would look up to see a fractal of gold light off the scale. For some reason it felt like an angel with a broken wing or an angel who slipped off and was heading back up, or that the guide up the scale was no accident. Unlike the other entities, this one appeared as pure light and took no human form. It was the most heavenly experience and feeling I had ever witnessed. There was no need to second guess it or hesitate. I felt like I was healed and at peace. It required a lot of focus, because when I would lose focus I'd fall down the scale back to the bottom, but it no longer felt like I couldn't escape and it no longer felt scary. It was like I had all the time in the world to practice. I felt like I had new knowledge I could apply to my life that could help me maintain higher levels on the scale and that my placement on this scale was ever present. The higher up on the scale I go, the closer I am to home. Something about that felt complete, and I felt like I no longer would need to take nitrous again.

What has Remained

It seems a lot easier to distinguish the intention of others, the real stories behind headlines, and the light and dark forces (or high and low vibration forces) on this dense planet. Song lyrics hold totally different meanings now and I now never listen to anything mindlessly just because I like the beat. I feel distinguishable chills in my spine and chest and different tones of ringing in my ears when eating different foods, listening to music, doing activities, and interacting with people that now guide me. I found that the whole thing forced me to take a closer look at my life, my thoughts/perspective, and the intention I want to carry with me every day. I have never been so sure that God and the afterlife is real and inevitable, and I used to be a hard atheist.

Still not sure if I experienced something I will regret when I die, like going through this violates an ethereal rule, or if it woke me up and saved me from a life that would lead to a regrettable afterlife. I think this combo could get very dangerous for me on a metaphysical level if I didn't work through it, practice some will and move past my fears in a brutally honest way. I would never recommend the combo to anyone due to this potential implication, but I don’t necessarily regret it for myself and my own circumstances either. The experience actually took away suicidal thoughts I had carried since I was a kid; I truly believe it will never be an option I will consider again. It also opened up a door to the metaphysical that can be absolutely absurd and full of deception, but also fulfilling and life changing. It made me think that I better get the most of this life and be of service to others. Life feels like an absolute gift now. I no longer fear death, and I want to give it my all while I'm here.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 116258
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 27
Published: Sep 29, 2022	Views: 733
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1P-LSD (682), Nitrous Oxide (40) : Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Entities / Beings (37), Alone (16)