DOSE: T+ 0:00	7 g	oral	Amanitas - A. muscaria	(tea)
T+ 3:00	23 g	oral	Amanitas - A. muscaria	(tea)

BODY WEIGHT:

95 kg

I picked up around 15 smallish caps of Amanita muscaria var. Muscaria from the forest around my cabin and dried them in a dehydrator for a couple of days until crispy. I weighted the total end result to be around 30 grams.

So, two days ago in the morning I wanted to test the potency and made a tea from about 7 grams of the matter. I cracked it to small bits and powder, put it in a pot with a slice of lemon and just enough of water to cover it all. Kept it on minimum heat for around an hour. The water didn't boil in any point. I let it cool and strained it, disregarded all the bits. The tea was light brownish and tasted pretty good. Carrot juice came to mind.

I emptied the mug around 10 am. I took the dog for a two hour walk and felt pretty good. Didn't really notice any effects. I've tried small amounts of amanitas before and wasn't sure of the dosage. Nothing ever really happened. So I wanted to experience something and decided to consume the whole batch. This was a mistake. I prepared tea again with the same method and used the 20+ grams of mushies and half a lemon. The tea was a lot more reddish or darker shade of brown this time. I emptied the two mugs around 1 pm.

I laid on the couch, turned the phone off and waited for something to happen. I tried to take a nap without success. A couple of hours went by and slowly I started to sweat a bit and produce large amounts of saliva. I was thinking of consuming my own urine if something wouldn't happen soon. I got bored and turned the television on. The body started to feel pretty good. It almost felt like having a massage. I started to experience a weird tic, or a frame that appeared around every half a second from right to left. Like a moment that came and went again and again. It felt weird. A moment, again and again, that I have to react to or at least be aware of.

I thought that this would be a good time to take the dog out, so we went and we both urinated in the bushes. I discovered something while looking at the trees and decided I need to share it with a friend, so I headed back indoors to get my phone. The phone was where I left it. I pressed the power button and started to type my message. Except I was still in the pin code screen. And I kept pressing random numbers and tried to send the message out with the emergency call button. Luckily I didn't make the call but understood I need to enter the code. So I proceeded to enter the code and press the emergency call button again and again. Again I understood what I was doing wrong but it was difficult to locate the OK button. Finally I did and managed to unlock the phone. Then it took a while to find the whatsup-icon right in the middle of the screen. I was going to inform my friend how amazing these amanitas are. Then it came to my mind that they are great, if I don't die.

So for a while I contemplated if I'm dying, if this was it. Is every half-a-second moment feeling so significant because they are my last. Is my mind working extra hard to keep me alive. Am I moving really slow or really fast. I sit on the couch. It appears I'm still breathing normally so at least I don't have to focus on that. Oh I forgot about the dog. I go back out and the dog is sitting on the lawn in his leash. The other end of the leash is also on the lawn. I tie the dog to the fence. I test if I'm moving really fast. I shadow box. I feel pretty fast. I try to lift this new septic tank that was delivered last week and is waiting to be dug in the ground. I cannot lift it.

Again I wonder if I'm dying. Should I call someone. I get a revelation that the whole "the first instant you feel suicidal, you need to tell somebody"-thing means that the moment I decide to admit that I'm not enjoying life, and made a life threatening mistake, is when some very positive people happily appear from somewhere and transform everything to fun times. Like it's how the game is setup, that the moment you admit that life sucks, you get cheered of speaking your mind and after that life is great. That this is kinda like The Truman Show, but a test to see if you're brave enough to ask for help.

So I get the idea of sending a text to a friend to let him know that I took mushies. But then I start to wonder that if he doesn't reply is it because I died before he read it. And if he replies do I need to reply him back that I'm still alive. And then I start to think that I'm alone in the universe and all this is a simulation or an illusion. As I'm alone at the cabin and if I'd die the world would die with me. And if I text my friend, is he a character made up by me because I needed a person to talk to? I'm thinking that if I don't text him I'm alone in the universe and if I do text him, I'm either creating him and he's a bot or he's creating me and I'm the bot. So I don't want to bring him the bad news that he might be a bot and all this is fake.

Then I for some reason type him a message, that as I recall was meant to say "I took mushrooms and this is a great day for you." And my reasoning for that message was that these mushrooms are great and we or me or him, is an omnipotent god. After a moment I realize I just sent a stupid ass message and if I don't explain myself better he's thinking I'm dying and is going to call an ambulance on me. So I scramble for my phone again and he's replied me something relating to our earlier conversations. I don't know if I noticed it then, but it's now clear, the message I sent was absolute gibberish with just some misspelled words repeating over and over for a couple of messages. I replied him with something casual and with some emojis.

So then I start imagining things and go off the rails. I have a realization that each moment that appears is a new person coming to life and after that moment passes the person keeps living that life with the knowledge he learns from me. So if the moment-person is afraid it's because I'm frightening him and then he/it would have an awful life being scared and miserable. So I need to make the moment feel safe and enjoyable. I try to show the moment that it's better to laugh and feel happy than to be sad. The task becomes tedious as there's about two moments every second. So I have to compress all my knowledge to a really tight package. And it just continues and continues. So while I'm thinking how to do this, I have flashes of some general rules of behavior and immediately feel terrible as I've created whole generations of people studying some religious texts and who miserably spend their days in a monastery. So I try to focus on the real important parts like giggling and orgasms. I teach the moment-person that. Then I understand that orgasms and giggling is what existence is outside of human understanding, pure bliss, but human life is experiencing the other stuff so you can really understand the whole. So part of the experience is pain and agony. I need to teach the moment also the negative things.

So then I have a moment where I see myself floating over a lake and hitting my best friend in the face while he's smiling. And also I see a bloodied furball that has the appearance of my dog. OMG what have I done. Have I killed my best friend. Have I killed my dog. Some entity, or me, tells me I have to live each moment in reverse to correct things. Bullshit I think, I'm just gonna call my friend and hear that he's okay. But where is my phone? The entity has erased my phone. It makes it known that I have to retrace my actions to get my phone and to call my friend. So I'm around the couch and start putting trousers off or on I can't remember which. Doing things backwards it seems. I remember thinking that I've created so many moments that this is going to take ages. Have I thrown the phone in the lake? I have to find out if I can hold my breath forever so I can find the phone from the lake. Have I hidden the phone in a hole under the cabin, so I have to live decades in reverse so that the cabin is unbuilt and I can dig out the phone. The entity says it is so. Some tissue moves back in to its package by itself. This is really happening. Oh no, I hope the dog is okay!

Screw the entity, I start looking for the dog. The dog is not in the cabin. The entity says I cannot open the door and go out. I open the door and go out. The dog is on the lawn looking confused. It's not tied onto anything. I'm so happy the dog is okay. The entity tells me this is all a test. That all my friends are waiting for me. That there is a big celebration. I'm so happy that my dog is okay, I'm ready to celebrate. This was all a test, leading here to this perfect moment of happiness. I can't wait to meet my friends and to smoke a joint. I understand that we're all omnipotent and can be anything we want. I spontaneously jump over a fence to the lawn, light as a feather, almost flying, but my leg catches the railing and I fall sideways to the concrete pathway and hit my head into the rain gutter. It makes a loud bang. The situation is comical and I feel like it's the perfect ending for this test and a perfect way to start the celebration. I run around the cabin. There is no one there. Where's the party. Well at least I can call my friend. I head back in, I can't find my phone. I'm alone for the rest of eternity. But my dog is with me. I have a friend and am not alone. This is perfect and how it was meant to be. I'm so sorry dog I didn't treat you right in those other moments. I swear I'll go back and fix it. I was just trying to show you the other parts of existence. I'm pretty sure the dog didn't understand any of this, but was happy to get back into the cabin. I tried to celebrate with the dog. He said it's okay, that he doesn't remember any of the other moments/realities. I understand that snapping your fingers creates a new moment that erases the old ones.

I teach the new moment-persons to have fun and snap their fingers. The whole existence starts to collapse as the finger snapping-moments destroy all history and teachings. Oh no. I have to stop this however I can. All those religious people were right hiding behind their doctrines. Don't tell anyone about snapping their fingers! Meditate and sing loudly but just don't snap your fingers. I have to do all this again and learn to hold my breath to find my phone from the lake. I go and lie on the couch.

Blank.

I'm fixing the pillows on the couch, putting them straight. Oh shit what the fuck am I doing. My hands are actually doing what I'm thinking. I hope I haven't done anything stupid. There's the dog, he's okay. I start moving the couches to find my phone. I search all the places, even an empty cigarbox that can't fit a phone. There's the phone, in the middle of the floor. My friend has messaged me, asking if I'm okay. Three hours ago. I quickly reply him yes. The message log shows that four hours ago I sent him the gibberish message that he replied to, then for half an hour after that I've tried to send him one word, "fuck", but I've kept misspelling it and repeated to send it again. I have no memory of this. I check the call log. Oh crap I've called my mother two hours ago and had a six-minute call with her. Fuck. I try to call her. No answer. I send her message asking if everything is okay. I check the call log again and the call was from yesterday! Oh geez. Yeah she called me yesterday... She calls me back. I can speak clearly and think straight. She's watching the queen's funeral. We end the call.

I give the dog some food and let him out. My thumb makes weird twitches, pops to the right. It's 9 pm.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116692
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 40
Published: Oct 17, 2022	Views: 428
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Amanitas - A. muscaria (70) : Preparation / Recipes (30), General (1), Alone (16)