DOSE:

2 hits

vaporized

Toad Venom

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

Right after I turned 23 I met someone in a new job I had started who had experience with ayahuasca, San Pedro, Bufo DMT, among many other psychedelic medicines. When I met her I had only tripped very lightly on mushrooms once, but she did not hesitate to share her experiences with me and I was instantly hooked. I was completely fascinated, and I told myself I would go with her to experience these medicines, without knowing anything else. In the time after I met her I did a number of LSD trips on my own, 3 or 4 low doses and one medium dose. I always enjoyed the trips but I never got anything out of them that was more than a fun experience.

About 9 months after I met this friend, I agreed to make the pilgrimage with her to the shaman she visits who administers these medicines. I had registered for Kambo poison, Bufo, and San Pedro cactus all in one weekend. I had no idea what to expect, but going with my experience and very spiritual friend I felt okay about it. I mostly felt the anxious nerves of what might happen, like before public speaking. I knew I had to do it, I just had no idea what to expect.

I am lucky to have experienced these substances for the first time in such a spiritual and medicinal setting. The energy was really good, so it calmed my nerves to be in the presence of a shaman and others who had experienced this before. The medicine was scheduled for Saturday and Sunday, and on Saturday we were taking it “easy” and sitting with the poison and DMT.

My friend had told me that DMT is the only thing that blasts her off. She had told me countless stories about how she struggles to surrender and let go with things like ayahuasca and mescaline, but DMT doesn’t give her a chance, it just takes her. I had absolutely no idea what to expect, and I was terrified. I knew I had to do it, but I was scared enough to make my heart beat out of my chest. The shaman took us in a small group to administer it with her assistants who would sit with us and make sure we were doing okay. We practiced the correct way to inhale the smoke with her instructions - exhale to empty out my lungs, inhale slowly for 15 seconds, and then swallow so that I get it all. We practiced this, but I was nervous because I’m not a smoker of any substance, and I never have been. I have wondered if I have some kind of slight asthma, because I have always struggled to get the intended effect from anything I tried to inhale, and it gives me a lot of pain in my chest.

I mention this because the shaman went down the line administering the medicine, and I watched as my group members collapsed unconscious on their trips upon inhaling it correctly. When it came my turn I tried my best, and the shaman plugged my nose and laid me back, but I was still very much conscious and awake. I didn’t know if it needed to kick it, so I laid there for what felt like a few minutes waiting. I definitely felt affected, like a high, but I eventually sat up and said “I don’t think I did it right”.

The shaman came over to me and said “that’s okay. You didn’t surrender, did you?”

I immediately felt ashamed. Not because I failed to do it the right way the first time, but because I was embarrassed that my first response was to shift the blame of my failed experience onto something else. It wasn’t bad though - the shaman is so kind and healing, and agreed to administer to me again. I knew this time I couldn’t fuck it up because I had to surrender. There was no choice. It had to work.

And it did! I exhaled and emptied my lungs until it hurt, and I slowly inhaled the smoke as instructed (and definitely burned the back of my throat - but who cares if it worked!) and as the shaman covered my nose and mouth and chanted something ancient, she laid me down and I lost consciousness.

I’m going to describe this the way that helped me understand it as my first time - it was just like going under on anesthetic for surgery. I completely shut down and lost contact and awareness of my body almost immediately upon inhaling it. I have to add - I was laid on my back, and before I began “traveling” I was aware of the sensation that I had violently vomited all over myself, and the shaman’s assistants flipped me over so that I wouldn't choke. I felt the vomit come up and the hands on me to flip me, but I was completely unconscious. I could not have moved myself, and I am grateful that they were there to help me. Then I was completely gone. I felt like I fell in on myself, almost like if my body became a hole into the earth and the fabric of the universe and I fell through it and then ascended upwards. Like my consciousness and my sense of self were gradually pulled out of my body and let go into the void behind me. Almost like pulling a tissue out of a tissue box, but much slower.

I’m speaking in terms of “I” but it wasn’t quite me. It’s impossible to describe. After lots of research I now know this is what ego dissolution is, but at the time I felt like I had died and I was moving through the universe. After I was pulled out of my body I began traveling through a tunnel of fractals at a high speed, and after some time the “tunnel” movement stopped and I just experienced geometry in my vision.

I saw circles and round shapes like bubbles of all sizes moving around my vision, swirling, growing and getting smaller, multiplying and disappearing. It was like watching the bubbles on a boiling pot but in slow motion. In these bubbles I briefly saw some very vague and indistinguishable faces appear and disappear. They were not clear enough to be people I recognized, more like the suggestion of a face with dark spots where the features go, and the shape of a jawline and so on. Looking back, the most interesting thing about the geometry and visuals that I saw was that they were completely monochrome. Just grays and blacks and whites, with the white a little brighter like it was shining sort of. Intricate designs and movement with absolutely no color.

At the time the bubble fractals started I felt completely enveloped and bathed in the feeling of the purest love I have ever experienced. Words will never be enough to describe how it felt. It was like if you could liquify the feeling of “pure, unconditional love” and drown in it. I was completely bombarded on all sides of my consciousness with this feeling of experiencing love. It was overwhelming. It hit me from all sides, all corners, every single angle and dimension of the universe. I was completely formless, and I was just existing in this feeling of love. I had no other concrete thoughts, just that I knew it was a feeling of love a million times stronger than I have ever known or experienced.

Later I found out that I was thrashing around on the ground, rolling back and forth and moving my arms and limbs like someone going through an exorcism. The assistants told me I was screaming “I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE EVERYONE! I LOVE YOU!” and similar phrases at the top of my lungs, nonstop. I was completely unaware of this.

The most memorable thing for me is after I experienced the bubble imagery and identified the feeling of love, the monochrome fractals I saw shifted into triangles. I just saw spiraling, swirling triangles of all sizes and shapes with intricate patterns and designs inside them. There was still no color, everything remained monochrome, but from what I remember the geometry was less uniform like you see in art, and more like random triangles moving in every direction all at once, with smaller ones squeezed in around larger ones. There didn’t seem to be a repeating pattern or anything to the movement or organization. Just detailed, black white and gray triangles. As I watched the triangles dance, I just soaked up the feeling of love that I was drowning in. That was all. I experienced the purest love in the universe for what felt like eternity, and I watched monochrome shapes dance in front of me. I had no other thoughts or messages or anything like that. It felt like I had been there forever, and that it would continue forever.

The shaman woke me out of it with Florida water on my nose, and I opened my eyes and was still tripping heavily but I was awake. I sat up and she talked to me, trying to bring me back down to earth. I had heavy visuals of the trees and environment around me for a few minutes, but that faded steadily as I talked to her. She told me I had been in for about 20 minutes. We didn’t talk about anything big, she just tried to comfort me and wake me up. I was completely in awe of what I just experienced. I was stammering over my words trying to fit back into my body and my mind somehow.

My friend came over to me, as her trip ended before mine due to my delay, and told me she had never seen me look more beautiful. I started crying, because I was still overwhelmed with that unfamiliar and impossibly strong feeling of being loved. I had vomit dried all over my face and in my hair, I was a complete mess and she called me beautiful because I had done it. The shaman told me the same, that she was proud of me for being able to surrender.

Afterwards, we were done for the day and I had to anticipate San Pedro the next day. I was completely consumed with what I had experienced. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I was dying to talk about it but I couldn’t describe it. I could barely sleep that night, both with anxiety and awe of what happened. Since then, even after San Pedro, there has not been a single day that I haven’t thought of my bufo experience in some way. I think about it every single day. Something small will trigger the memory, or the feeling, or the image of the triangle visuals. It is hands down the most profound and powerful experience of my life.

Research has told me that there’s a “sweet spot” to DMT dosing, and much higher doses will produce less structured experiences without lessons and such. I’m aware that people encounter entities and travel to realms and have full experiences, but mine was just sort of formless. I think this may be because I had more than the intended dose, having to attempt it a second time. I am excited to go back and do it correctly the first time to see what’s in store for me. I’m sure it will be equally as amazing and impactful. I have yet to return to do it again in the same setting, simply because it’s a far journey for me and quite a bit of money. I think the long wait almost makes the experience better and more meaningful, so I am looking forward to the opportunity to do it again. It was fantastic. I love you all.

[Erowid Note: While the author reported the substance used as 5-MeO-DMT, they seem to conflate NN-DMT and 5-MeO-DMT. These substances have different effects and dosages. Most often the error made is that the term "DMT" is used as shorthand to refer to 5-Methoxy-DMT. However, because of the ambiguity in the substance name, it is uncertain whether the author is speaking about 5-MeO-DMT throughout this report or not. See 5-MeO-DMT is Not "DMT".]

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 117174
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Oct 21, 2024	Views: 16
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Toad Venom (46) : Group Ceremony (21), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)