DOSE:

repeated

insufflated

Cocaine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

100 lb

Here I sit reading these stories from people who have done coke a few times. Here I sit wishing I had a dime for every line of coke I had snorted. Two years clean and it still hurts to sniffle real hard. My nose still bleeds when someone pinchs it or for no reason at all. This is two years later. This drug is the white devil and here's my story.

It was 1998, almost 1999, I had graduated and was at the peek of my partying days I thought. Until, of course, I snorted my first line. I was at a party over at a couple of my friends house with my boyfriend. There was some pot and plenty of alcohol but I was antsy. I needed something new. It was right after I had called a few guys I knew looking for some LSD and had no luck that one of my friends called me into the back bedroom. There she was all laid out for me...the white devil. I'll admit...I was hesitant at first but after snorting up my first rail I was hooked. The instant energy and ambition was amazing to me. My nose and throat went numb as the drug drained down. I even like the way it tasted...like chewed up aspirin running down the back of your throat. Anyone else would have gagged but not me. I was in love.

Days turned into weeks...weeks into months..and finally a month into a year. I still loved blow. Every day I had it and/or wanted it. I did it in school, at home, at work in the bathroom or in my car, you name the place and I was breaking out my little vile. Cocaine was my lover, my best friend, and my worst enemy. It took all my money and my time. If I had it, it was all I did. I was on top of the world. If I didn't, I hated everyone and everything and didn't hide it. I did anything to get it.....and I mean anything. Coke was me and I was coke.

It wasn't long when problems were starting to arise. I was broke and had begun to stoop to low for even me to get my drug. I was about to lose my car, my job and to get kicked out of school. I had to rethink my whole life. My decision at the time was just to drop out of school. This I figured was my best bet since I was flunking out anyway due to the fact that I never slept (sleep was for the weak anyhow), ate or showed up. Without school, I could work more and do more drugs. It was perfect.

One particular day, like any other day, I woke up and began using before I even crawled out of bed. Periodically during the day I took bumps and it wasn't until a friend of mine showed up in the evening that I really started snorting lines. From my house we went to another friend's apartment and did some blow. It was here that I started to feel funny. Anxious and panicy, I began to pace. Drinking glass after glass of water I went outside and began to vomit. It was cold outside and all I had on was a sweater but sweat poured off of me. My friend came out to help and asked me when the last time I ate was. I couldn't tell him so he tried to make me eat. There wasn't enough saliva in my mouth to swallow so I just chewed continously until I spit the food out. By this time I was freezing cold and had 2 coats and 3 blankets on me but I couldn't feel a thing. My body was completely numb and I was slipping in and out of consciousness. I heard people on the phone saying that I was a green color and others were crying but I had no emotion. I was cocaine.

I just remember praying for my soul to go to heaven when I died.

By some grace of God, I woke up the next day. Believe it or not I still did blow after that. But the taste just wasn't really there. Eventually a few months later, I quit for good.

Now I have a daughter and I wonder how I will tell her about the white devil. How I will explain to her of the horrors...and the joy without being bias.

I'll be honest. I love coke and somethimes I miss it. I miss the way my friends and I could stay up all night and talk about whatever because we had the ambition and the energy to be together. I don't miss the nights where I would lie awake for hours and feel my heart pound in my throat, willing sleep to take me away.

Exp Year: 1998-1999	ExpID: 12885
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 5, 2018	Views: 1,414
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Cocaine (13) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Difficult Experiences (5), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)