DOSE:

1.75 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

165 lb

In one day on this earth, my life changed forever… My thoughts, my emotions, my entire conception of life- were all morphed into a mindset that even to this day I have not yet been able to fully comprehend. I now see things in a way that are almost impossible to describe, and I know personally of only one other man who has seen as I have. In one day on this earth, my past felt more distant than it had ever been- and the future more endless than I ever thought imaginable. I’ve never conceived anything more difficult to explain than my “enlightenment”, but I will try with all the power of my literary sense to transcribe my feelings onto this parchment of ink and ideas.

To better understand how I came about to this newfound sense of life, you must first understand where I am coming from. I live in an extremely dysfunctional family, more unorthodox than most. I’ve experienced scenes of all branches of society from punk, to rave, to jock, to business. I’ve met a myriad of unique people with an infinite array of ideas completely distant from my own. I’ve experienced myriad forms of drug and natural adrenaline rushes. From it all I have risen and fell countless times within myself- conflicting emotions and feelings in turmoil overwhelmed by confusion and doubt. But though many experiences I wish to un-live, I cannot regret a single thing. Everything I’ve been through has made me a wiser man, and prepared me for the gifted vision bestowed to me one unforgettable day: April 20th, 2002.

Do not continue reading if your mind is closed, for your assumptions would cloud your mind’s understanding …As it was 4:20, the un-proclaimed drug holiday of America, I decided to try something completely different- a mysteriously, odd fungi. The strange, organic colors of the mushrooms could only have been painted by the irrational touch of the master artist mother nature. I consumed the foreign fungi with assumptions of fun, pleasure, and enjoyment. I was not disappointed. But as the overwhelming, hallucinogenic, disorienting joy peaked with a punch that almost knocked me off my feet, I began to descend into a state of mind I will never forget. You may say this vision was drug induced, and you are right. But what most might overlook is what happened inside my head was not a drug controlling my mind, but a spirit from nature opening new windows and doors of thought unheard of to me before. My mind was racing faster than ever, my thoughts exceeding each other with anxiety. Past preconceptions of life began to dissolve as new connections and relations of life began to emerge. I started analyzing everything around me and looked deeper, and deeper into the truth. Suddenly, the world began to open up to me with clarity so pure I almost broke down in an overwhelmed stupor. I can’t even describe to you how intensely this enlightenment overtook me. I thought to myself for more than two hours in wonderment of my newfound understanding of life.

Now, I am not an advocate of drugs, nor do I recommend their use- but do I believe my mind would ever have come to such a fulfilling enlightenment without ever consuming those mystical shrooms? With all my heart and sense I say, yes. The cubensis’ only quickened and ensured my mind’s resolution, and with far more intensity than any experience before it. A part of me wants to say that hallucinogenic mushrooms are a gift from Mother Earth, a pathogen in which we humans may expand our conscientiousness. But this is not true for all. Others who have abused mushrooms saw only pleasure in the stupendous high, or possibly their minds were not yet ready for the vision. Or even yet, they could be so conformed within their own fate that they chose to ignore the whisper of the potential enlightenment. A close, dear friend of mine who I love and admire shared the same enlightenment as I have in that very same day. He is a free spirited mind like no other, a true transcendentalist of the new punk era. Though his mind was younger and not as matured as mine, he embraced the truth and spirit with reluctant arms and his sight too became clear. There is no possible way I can describe my enlightenment to anyone who has not been touched by it as well. I may never eat such mushrooms ever again, not because it wasn’t spectacular, but I feel I would only be soiling the gift I received and become like all those others who misinterpret its use and abuse their minds. There is no question about it…I do not know the true meaning of life, and probably no one will. But what I can do is try and tell you what it is I have realized and believe.

First you must believe that nothing matters. To do this, simply think of the universe. The universe is so grand and immense, that our simple, primitive brains are so feeble that it is unfathomable for us to even comprehend the mere thought of understanding the universe. Millions of planets, within millions of solar systems, within millions of galaxies. What possible significance do we pathetic humans on the planet we call Earth have? None, as far as I’m concerned. So when you begin to think this way, you can then start to think of why we live the way we live. I see no other point in life than to be happy and embrace it in any way we can in what little time we have on this plane of existence. Hatred, anger, greed, envy, etc, etc, etc,…what is the point? What? Does it get you any closer to being happy? Do they bring any peace into your life? What is gained? Who gains?…There is a giant cache of questions I have on how we live our lives, but I already have a pretty good idea as to what the answers may be.

I believe we should do what our hearts tell us and find peace and love in everything we see. Do not preordain our lives, but rather let life and our pursuit of happiness guide us through our journey on this earth. People are the way they are, and too often there is nothing we can do to change that. Some people are just born nice, and some are born critical. Some are just born assholes, and frankly nothing we can do could uplift their ignorance. A lot of people who experience much in life and become more knowledgeable of their fellow humans can change their ways and see a premature enlightenment. It is sad that most cannot. So accept everyone for who they are no matter how ignorant or stupid they can be, but do not simply lie dormant in wake of action. Many hippies in the 60’s began to think this way, but they interpreted it without responsibility. By loving each other, we should take each other into consideration as well. We should be mindful of our sibling’s needs and not let ourselves degrade to the un-remorseful point of an uncaring freedom. This is harder than it sounds, but when attainable it is more priceless than any possession ever dreamed.

Another thought, which occurred to me, is how so many people are too consumed by what others think. Their superficial ways of acting reflect their misunderstanding of life. I no longer care what others think. To me, if am happy and enjoying what I am doing, wearing, saying, and so on- then how could what somebody else says about me really matter? It gets extremely frustrating dealing with ignorant, critical people, but I digress. I subdue my primal urges when my muscles tighten, and my fists clench, and thoughts of mayhem, chaos, destruction begin to course through me veins... and then I must stop to breathe and reflect onto my enlightenment. If someone does not like what I do and openly criticizes me, I begin to think to myself “is that person really happy?” How could they be? I know that with such animosity in his/her heart they will never attain true happiness, and that gives me comfort in my own intuition.

Every so often I sit quietly alone and fall into a deep solace of thought and reflection. I often do this in the shower. The falling beads of water, drumming across my skin, never felt more soothing before. Water is probably the greatest element that comes to symbolize the very essence and purity of life that I can think of. Water is the very cornerstone of life- without it nothing would exist. This transparent fluid is too often ignored, and its’ beauty overlooked. I never saw such beauty in something so common as water as I do now. I stare at a clear ocean of water as it rests in my palms, and I lose sense of reality whilst I admire the hydrating beads run across my wrist and forearm, saturating my lonely skin. My eyes fill with crowded tears of emotions too powerful to withstand, for the water’s beauty is so greatly profound. Without becoming enlightened, I doubt I’d ever see such beauty in something so common, yet elegant as water. When I sit in a grassy field, surround by shrubs, and trees, and flowers, and birds, and children playing, and gentle breezes, and the warmth of the radian sun...I freeze in awe. The world is more beautiful than one could possibly imagine, and I can no longer overlook its’ grace. Sometimes the beauty is just too much for me. It blows through me like a phenomenal gust of wind, and my eyes explode in tears. And I cry once again, as the all-around natural beauty consumes my emotions until I can no longer contain the tears. The tears of water. Water of life. The life that is born of the all-encompassing beauty of the world.

The day I became enlightened, and the following few days after, I felt in sync with the Dhali Lama. I held a complete, inner-peace about me. I never became so cognitive of my surroundings, nor received such happiness from so many sources. But sadly my inner-peace dwindled and I lost that divine feeling of happiness. It still remains with me always, but sometimes I lose site of it and become a drone like the masses and forget completely of my enlightened mind. That is why I must often look back and relive my experience to keep my understanding spirit alive. I am in no ways perfect, nor will I ever be, but I simply want to live my life to the fullest of its potential and experience all that I can. There are so many things I want to do, professions I want to be, foods I want to taste, places I want to see, and faces I want to love- I only wish I had more time. But I hope to absorb all the life I can and further my knowledge and understanding of humanity. I wish to raise my spirit once more to that elevated level of elation: nirvana… and in hope, be able hold it forever eternally and not so short-lived.

My vision is clear, my mind is open- I am a life enlightened…

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 15581
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 23, 2005	Views: 5,675
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Mushrooms (39) : Mystical Experiences (9), Unknown Context (20)