DOSE:

67 mg

smoked

Salvia divinorum

(extract - 5x)

BODY WEIGHT:

55 kg

Even as I write this at 09:32 I feel strange. What an experience I had!!
My Salvia arrived yesterday. 5X Standardised extract, two grams. Cool beans! I couldn’t wait to try it.

9:00am: My parents have left and I think I might give my stuff a go. My parents threw out my bong and I haven’t received my jet lighter yet so I will have to try it using an ordinary lighter and a pipe. I don’t have much hope that it will work but I might as well give it a go.

9:03am: Pipe prepared, bowl packed (about 1/15th of a gram), sitting in my comfy chair. I am ready to try. I expel all the air in my lungs, I light the bowl (holding the flame over the bowl for the duration of my inhalation) and I inhale deep. I hold it and begin counting.

By the time I reach 15 seconds I know something is happening. I feel a knocking sound. I don’t exactly hear it but feel it. She has come, she is knocking, she says it is time to go??..

The following narrative was written after the experience. I have corrected the spelling mistakes although I will leave the words exactly as I wrote them, as with the punctuation.

It’s time to go. Everything, all the energy, every part, the grand design wants to take the energy that is ready into the infinite pattern of eternity. It looks like a real pattern, I can only see a small part, but everything around me is integrating into the pattern. I can see it and everything is unfolding but I am resisting. I am preventing the proper formation of the pattern; she pulls me. I feel the pull so strong. But I am not ready, I don’t want to join. I hear myself say, ‘I don’t want to go’. I repeat it, I try to tell the presence, whom I feel is the master of the eternity, that I am not ready. She lets me go. I stand but I am drawn back. I take another hit. I can’t help it. She wants me to and I want to make her happy, I love her. I return, but I still don’t feel ready to go, I am not ready. She pulls me in because deep down I know that I want to go and she knows that I do; she knows everything.

I try to tell her again. My words, I see them form in my mouth but I know that they are only movements of my lips and I have a doubt as to whether she can understand them. She can’t, I will be trapped in the pattern, free in the pattern, free forever, but I cannot go now. She knows I am not willing and I fear she will punish me, but she does not. She understands and releases me. I stumble around not sure as to whether I am part of this world or still tied to the pattern. I AM of this world; I AM back, I AM Stevie G.

I then write what you have just read and go downstairs for a cigarette (I really needed one!). I feel strange; I fear the knowledge of the pattern will drive me mad, I fear that I will never be fully part of this world again. Once I finish the cigarette, I go into my living room to write the remainder of my thoughts.

What I am left with as I return to almost full reality and write this now is deep understanding and a sense of myself and of my connection to this pattern. It is comforting although humbling and awe-inspiring.

Everything is linked, and all energy in the infinite space that is far beyond our world and our universe is tied together. This world, Earth, our universe is merely a fold in the pattern. A small piece of irregularity that is not yet in sync with the regularity of the tapestry.

But I feel that when this world is over, when I die, my energy will become part of this grand design, the pattern.

I can’t say whether the pattern is beautiful, I saw only a small part and even that was beyond my comprehension. I was resisting, everything around me was integrating but I was trying desperately to persist in my joy of chaos and the randomness of my world. I love my world like I never knew I did. Yet I accept the fact that soon I will join and leave and become a part of what is truly infinite and it doesn’t scare me any more. When I am ready I will be happy to join. But not before. I appreciate the chaos of my world and need to finish enjoying it before I am ready to leave and contribute to the pattern of order and infinity.

Looking back at my experience, the strongest feeling was definitely the sense that I was resisting becoming a part of the pattern. It felt like I didn’t belong, my strong sense of individuality that I have always cherished alienated me from the whole eternity of the design. It was a very powerful and scary feeling at the time but I have grown to understand and accept my experience.

Forgive me if some of what I have written doesn’t make a lot of sense it was hard to describe and I was still feeling very strange when I wrote it.

Okay, its 10:05 now and I feel almost back to normal. That truly is an incredible plant. I have read back over what I have written and it only does about 0.00005% justice to my experience, so much was left out because the words to describe it just don’t exist. Respect this stuff and bollocks to anyone that says you need a jet fuel lighter. I used an ordinary clipper and a pipe. Wow, that was cool. Scary, but cool.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 21027
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 16, 2004	Views: 7,249
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Alone (16)