DOSE:

20 mg

oral

5-MeO-DiPT

(powder / crystals)

my companion and I each ingested 20 mg of 5-meo-dipt. we were in a small cabin on the coast of the pacific ocean, a very clear day. The sun had about two hours before it set amidst the sparse white fluffy clouds. I had no expectations about the drug because I had not heard anything about it save what was summarized to me from Tikhal. the dose was above the recommended dose set by shulgin, yet lower than some of the other reports we had heard. The previous night had been spent backpacking by the Sol Duc river amidst the subalpine and douglas fir. Many of the higher trails had been closed due to snow, unusual for the time of year. The setting contrasted greatly, as we were now in a fairly popular area surrounded by some normals though still in wilderness near the hoh rainforest and a protected marine biology area. The lodge was having a meeting at 9:00 to talk about ecological symbiosis which we decided to miss in order to take the drug.

The first alarms were subtle, about an hour later. The ramp of effects after that and until the sun set were physical, containing some nausea. There was also some innapropriate smiling. I had heard that the drug enhanced sensuality, and sure enough I found myself wanting to give a massage. my companion willingly let me rub some lavender massage oil into his back and shoulders. We had drawn the blinds shortly after the first alarms made us come inside. I noticed the blinds were made of blue and green paper, very nice. As the sun started setting over the ocean we could see some of the reds and oranges through the paper. we opened the blinds a bit and looked towards the beach. I had to lie with my stomach flat on the table for awhile.

we went outside and I smoked a cigarette. I talked about how there were ghosts where we were. I felt spirits passing through me in a way I had not felt in many years. This time the spirits were all native americans. they were saying that they had played a role in preserving the coastal wilderness and that it was theirs, and that I was welcome there as long as I had nothing against wild magic. after some deliberating we decided to take a walk on the beach. I felt that I did not want to have conversations with anybody we might chance to meet, though I was strangely attracted to the various fires that I noticed doting the coast. Earlier in the day I had noticed many of what could have been fire pits. Wood was not hard to come by, as often whole logs and branches are ejected out of the ocean and onto the beach. In fact, there was a sign in our cabin which I could not turn around that said BEACH LOGS KILL which my companion and I joked about. when I first saw the sign It made no sense to me and I had thought that it was some sort of ecological war cry against regional logging.

we headed down, and passed a man tending a fire. I did not look directly at him but I remembered at that time a strange encounter I had had with a goth performance troupe at burning man, which also involved a fire in the darkness. Though the drug was up to that point more entheogenic than psychedelic, I began to notice aural chanting which I dont think was really there. We passed a group of people at another fire who I took to be a satanic cult but who my companion later tells me were a group of fat normals shooting off small fireworks for the fourth of july. lest we forget!

We were on a trip of discovery, as earlier there was a region of the upper beach I had noticed and had wanted to go to: a large gathering of twisted sun bleached wood and an ocean run-off lake. We had to step over much wood to get there. The giant wood we stepped on were like bones. dinosaur bones, I thought. I was amazed. The bones (wood) was randomly scattered, yet I could not believe the symmetry I saw there. there was ritual among ritual in the pattern of the bones and stones. I had a feeling that at some point during the evening that something monumental was going to happen. That I could find a sacred spot on the sand. Finally, my companion suggested that we take another route to get to the run-off lake area, around the bones. I concurred with the approach, so we did. somehow we got sidetracked then, and ended up at the far end of the beach, before a streak of water. Earlier in the day when it was still light out we had noticed a very small island not far from the coast which contained a lighthouse. It was Destruction Island, the place of many shipwrecks. The place where we were was ultimately confusing. it was not the edge of the ocean because there was no lapping tide. it seemed like a small river with a sand dune on the other side, but we could not figure out how to get around it. it was mysterious, as the land we saw beyond it may have been Destruction Island or it may have been more beach.

then I found the sacred spot in the sand and sat down. I was determined to spontaneously combust and my companion mentioned that he wasnt able to start a fire, though I didnt know what that meant. I looked up at the stars then for the first time that night and said wow! . There they all were, and I could see them all in color. There were red stars and blue stars and orange stars, etc. I have never seen the colors like that before. Looking back, I regret that I did not try to pick out the patterns of the constellations and identify certain stars I knew what color they were, in order to compare it to my impression.

overall there was a large breakdown of communication which I responded to by embracing my emotional and physical independence. I did not feel connected to any social, cultural, or personal event. I found myself alone and happily so. my companion's attempts at interaction seemed unneccesary to me, as if they were a throwback to some sort of late night television show where the host is under pressure to keep things interesting . constant work stood out alot in the setting we were in and I was able to examine some of my attitudes towards work and accomplishment, and how they related to my taking a drug.

I decided that I have been in a very weird head space lately. im finding this period of late twenties, unfortunately, not what I expected (if I expected anything at all). many that I have known are married or are getting married, having children, etc. once again, as in adolescence, I find a peculiar awkwardness to my methods of living. I am essentially out of phase with some intangible thing which I cannot express to us. there are mechanisms in me which respond by saying that its not all that unusual, that it is after all just life, and that there is nothing to be alarmed about. I heed these voices yet the awkward feeling remains.

if you want to know, when it comes down to it, all of the feelings of helplesness in the face of destiny, all the despair at things beyond my control, all the feelings of unworthiness, or the oppoisite, of pure hubris, these remain on against my will. unfinished relationships of the past are very much on my mind, and will probably rule me until I find a way to work through the path.

I misunderstood my companion several other times during the evening as we sat in what to me was a spot of great duality (sacred/profane). I felt the weight of a life spent chasing passions. I felt the weight of reconciliation with those part of me which must be exactly like all family members which went before me, and with all those who I have taken issue with over the years, encapsulated in the idea that many people that I consider friends behave conservatively, or, seem to me to be unavailable to a fault. this can only reflect what my inner attitudes are (or at least what they have been).

at that point I was examining the primary relationship that I base my life on. I saw so many things that I had not truly seen before. I saw that this person was at certain times an embodiment of the one true love for me. I also saw a deity deep within this person of whom I greatly wanted to please. But I also experienced another form of this love, very tangibly. I felt as though I were a pet. a kept animal. a constant companion who, if not completely loyal, would be regarded as vaguely amusing. I do not regard this sentiment as a fetish of mine, by the way. Basically, it is something which I rejected at the time because it was vaguely unpleasant, and not an agreed upon form of play. it was difficult. at that point I said to my companion something odd. I said: you are not acting like someone who loves me , to which he responded how does someone who loves you act?

what followed was the most intense hallucinatory part of the experience for me. it must have lasted around 3 minutes by my internal clock. there were explosions of fire and ships came down out of the sky filled with alien beings. galactic and world peace was accomplished. the most marked event in this hallucinatory period was the time. it was dreamtime in a very pure form. it was my experience of changing time.

the night was not getting colder, but the time was right to head inside. there we cooked some soup and drank some wine and went to bed.

Exp Year: 1999	ExpID: 2226
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 27, 2000	Views: 17,600
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5-MeO-DiPT (57) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)