DOSE:	8 joints/cigs	smoked	Cannabis	(plant material)
	1 glass	oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine	(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

12 kg

Breif background:-

Had some experiences with substances: Ecstasy, weed, alcohol, ketamine, speed, poppers, solvnets. Some bad, some good, but none permanently damaging (touch wood).

Breif history:-

Went to a rave 3 nights ago, dropped 2.5 pills, and smoked a little dope over the course of the night. Felt amazing for over 12hrs. Worked the next day, slight come down but nothing I couldn't handle. College the next day(mon). Felt fine, more confidnce, slight arrogance, no come down effects. Drank a few beers. Slept very well (13hrs). Slight comedown/depresion the next day, fought my way through it. Smoked a couple of spliffs, felt better, more chilled, no high though. Ate alot, had few blasts on poppers, and solvents. Felt spacey, but too intense. Decide to make as many spliffs as possible with the little bit of resin I had left. Ending up making 6, pretty phat, single green rizla joints. I decided to explore a hole I nearly went into once on my first bong. But this time not be afraid of going under. Explore the hole properly, and see if I could trip, like on Ket. So I chain smoked the whole 6 joints. I was feeling pretty mashed. Total head scramble, mild tracers, patterns in the walls, nice glowing eurphoria, but no sinking feeling. 'That backwards shit', as one of my mates calls it. This started to piss me off a little bit. I took another blast on the poppers, to see if I could kick start something. But nothing but the usual head fried high, then headache. MMMMMmmm, I was very annoyed. Is it the X still in me from Saturday blocking the weed from taking me in. Drink might help, so went downstairs into the kitchen. No beers, only some rancid red wine, I swig a glass anyway. Now I'm actually getting angry at myself, going into a bit of pschosis. 'For fucks sake, look at yourslef, your so desperate to get completely of your face, its pathetic'. This is where things get interesting.....

The experience:-

As I'm shouting at myself in my head, I suddenly realise that I'm detached from my ego. And whats actually happening is that my soul is giving my ego a good telling off. I suddenly realise how to destroy my ego. I understand that your ego feeds of your emotions, when you feel happy, your ego gets fat. When you feel unhappy, or are in pain, the ego generates endorthenes, to boost you up again. 'Then why does an orgasm, make you feel so good then?' I ponder. Then it hits me. Humankind has a self pleasure tool built into it, to blur the real reality. Then it hits me. The ego is the devil at play. This is why stimulants are so addictive, the devil wants you to be constantly high, constantly so off your face, that you are unable to see the truth.

The truth I do not know, but I'm realising that I know how to get it. My Mind is now in overdrive, constant realisations and visualisations popping up, I find it hard to keep up. The reason no-one has ever come close to destroying the ego, is that no-one has got close enough. This is because, when people get low enough, so far under that they can nearly touch it, the ego puts up blockades, a very intricate self defence mechanism. After all the devil is a powerful enterty, he ain't stupid. The ego kicks up a roadblock, and shoots you off the the other way, up, out, and through. So far away, you can't remember how close you got. You're high again now, nothing matters. Ego shattering, pah, what a load of crap. I feel fantastic, I feel eurphoric.

So if a full frontal attack is the wrong approach, how else do I kill it? Death/suicide? No, then I'm, the loser. MMMmm. And then it hit me. Starvation. Feel completely emotionless, constantly. It feeds off positive emotions, therefore, everytime I feel good, I turn it the other way. I'll spoon feed my ego, I'm in the driving seat now Mr. You ain't gonna put a rope around me. I'll completely rip my self-esteem to pieces. Good thoughts turned into negative thoughts. So far into depression, I won't even recognise myself. And then I'll be true. I will be my soul crushing my ego, not my ego crushing soul.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 24264
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 5, 2007	Views: 7,647
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Cannabis (1) : Combinations (3), Mystical Experiences (9), Alone (16)