DOSE:		oral	Pharms - Paroxetine	(daily)
	repeated	insufflated	Pharms - Methylphenidate	(daily)
			Methamphetamine

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

Hi. Well back when I was in grade 6, I started to fall into a deep depression. Though, due to my age, I had no idea what was going on. So, since my parents didnt suspect it to be depression, I was put on Ritialn because I also had ADHD. I began to take it. I found it helped me in school just as they said it would.

I continued to take it for years since it helped me so much. Though, in 2002, when I was 17, I found out that if I took extra pills I would feel a high. Aware about drugs at this age, I thought hey this is great. One night I decided to snort it. I took about 4 20mg tablets, crunched them up, used my bank card to make some lines, and cut a straw into about a 2 inch long piece. I put on some hardstyle music, and then snorted the lines up. Within about 4 mins it kicked in. I was amazed. I could taste the powder dripping into the back of my throat. I could taste it, and I loved the taste. I then began to feel paranoid, though I didn't care, I loved it. My body temp increased, as well as my heartbeats, and my pupils dialated alot. I felt happy, europhia, the urge to talk non stop. I also was twitching. That first time I snorted it, I fell in love. That night I became addicted.

Days, weeks, and months went by, and there wasnt a day when I wouldnt snort some ritilan. I couldnt stop. I knew I was addicted, but I could care less. As my tolerance grew to it, I knew I needed more to feel the effects. Some nights I would snort so much that my nostrals would be so full of the powder, my nose began to leak blue liquid. I didnt care. I knew that liquid was ritilan, and I saved it just to use it later on.

I continued using it every day I could. Paying only 2 dollars for two bottles of it each month since my dad had medical benefits, I abused it beyond control. After a while, my dad was laid off from work. He lost his medical benefits, and then we started having to pay nearly 100 dollars per bottle each month for it. I didnt care, I just stole the whole bottle, and then used it. After a while I fell into a extremly severe depression, and got extremly anti-social. I didnt think much of it at the time. I just cared about one thing, ritilan. I was then kicked out of school. Stuck with no school during the day, and nothing to do since my friends were still in, I just snorted all day long for months.

My parents noticed that I was acting as if I were depressed, and then I got help from the same doctor who prescribed my Ritilan. I was put on Paxil. My Ritilan doseage was also changed. Instead of 'taking' two 20mg pills in the morning, and one and a half 10mg pills in the afternoon, I was just put on the 20mg pills. I was bummed, but happy I still had something. I continued to steal pills as usual. Stealing the whole months supply in one day, my parents were suspicious. They asked what has been happening to the pills. I said I was throwing them out because I didnt want to take them anymore. The excuse worked, sort of. At my next doctors appointment my mom brought that up. I was taken off the Ritilan. I was pissed, but acted as if I wanted that. I then became clean for a few months. Desprate to get back on it, I began to act up again due to my ADHD and my Paxil. My parents couldnt handle me. I was finally put back on it. I was extremly happy.

When I got a new supply for the month, I didnt steal the whole bottle as I did before. I would take about a weeks worth of pil s at a time. I then continued to steal the whole months worth, and my parents got pissed. They knew I was stealing it, but not using it to get high. They started to hide it, lock it up, take it to work with them. I was still able to use it because each morning I would take two for my ADHD. I would cheek the two pills and snort them when my parents were upstairs. It wasnt much. Two pills didnt really do much to me at first, because I was used to using weeks worth at a time. But since I didnt have the option to use alot at once, my tolerance went down. So then just using two pills started to do something to me, just not as strong as before. I was still happy as long as I was still able to use it.

Since I was also prescribed on Paxil, my depression and socail phobia was going away. Nearly a year without being in school, or having contact with anybody outside my family, I started to become 'normal' again. I was able to go outside with others, talk to family, talk on the phone. I then got a girlfriend during summer. Life was great. I still continued to use ritilan to get high by snorting it. That made me much more happy then I already was. My parents thought I was returning to normal now. Unaware that I still snorted stuff, they were relived.

School started up again, and I was feeling worried about going back. I was able to go to school anyways. About two weeks in I began to make new friends, talk to people, something I was never able to do before I was kicked out of school. I was going to classes and talking to people. Since school started really early, and I didnt have much time to get ready, nevermind snort my daily 'dose' of ritilan, I decided to take my pills to school each day. Before I left for school, my dad would give me my pills and I would pretend to take them. I then left, and during first class I crunched them up right on the desk infront of everybody. I used a ruler to make lines, and my mates old broke pen to snort. I didnt once get caught, not yet at least. I was then tweaking all school day. It was, and still is great.

I'm now 18, and still doing the same thing. My depression and social phobia is nearly history, but my addiction isnt. I'm aware I'm addicted to Ritilan (aswell as methamphetmine), but I could care less. I'm an addict and proud of it. I've skipped alot in this write up about my addiction, but only because It's already long enough. Right now this moment I am on Ritilan and some methamphetmine, which is why I'm able to write this much.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 26986
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 25, 2007	Views: 34,692
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Pharms - Methylphenidate (114) : Not Applicable (38), Depression (15), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)