DOSE:

1 tablet

oral

MDMA

(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

I’d like to describe the soul-satisfying experience that is MDMA use. I’ve done ecstasy about 7 or 8 times, but my most vivid memories come from my third time using it. I take Prozac and Wellbutrin (anti-depressants) daily, but stopped both 2 days before I planned on going clubbing. My boyfriend and I almost always roll together.

We got 2 pills (white with Bacardi bats on them) at the club and my boyfriend took one first to make sure that there was nothing wrong with it. After about 30-40 minutes, he wasn’t rolling, but he wasn’t feeling bad either, so I decided to take mine. Shortly after, he began to get a little nauseous and lightheaded. I sat with him for about 20 minutes. Then we got up and danced and socialized for about 20 minutes. Even though I took the pills later than my boyfriend, I started rolling first. The roll always starts the same way for me. Music sounds even better than usual and colors seem brighter and make me happier than they normally would. After realizing that it’s beginning to kick in, I normally get excited and before long I have a huge smile on my face. I think stress often inhibits my boyfriend and causes him to roll only after he sees that I’m enjoying the effects of the pill. After dancing for about 45 more minutes, we leave and rent a hotel room.

There has only been one time that I have rolled without my boyfriend, and it paled in comparison to the other times. My favorite effect of MDMA is the genuine love that overcomes me. I’m always very affectionate, compassionate and kind to people I meet when rolling, but the experience is so much more satisfying when I’m with my boyfriend. My favorite environment to be in while rolling is alone with my boyfriend. Being with friends or in a club come second.

At the time of my third ecstasy experience, my boyfriend and I had been having a rough couple of weeks in the relationship. I had been getting frustrated with him way more than what I think is normal and it seemed like a lot of things about him bothered me and built up into resentment. The night we spent in the hotel room stopped that cycle of resentment and replaced it with lasting feelings of love and acceptance. I believe those feelings are even with me today, because I came to some powerful realizations. I realized how insignificant and stupid the things were which were bothering me in the relationship, and I understood the depth of my love for him. I could feel those feelings of love drowning out things that had been bothering me recently at the time. I could practically feel the negative energy leaving my body.

So with the heavier, emotional description out of the way, I can talk about more entertaining things. One of the awesome effects of ecstasy is for me is that giving a massage feels just as good as receiving one. It’s a great situation to be in when you’re feeling so loving and compassionate. Almost anything that touched my skin felt good and made me smile. I’ve also always loved how MDMA does not make me feel “drugged” at all. It just feels like being more awake. My senses are sharp, my thinking is clear, and I have energy. I’ve been told my eyes look very awake and lively. I smile constantly.

My absolute favorite thing to do while rolling is to take a shower with my boyfriend. Water feels splendid, I can totally appreciate how good my boyfriend looks soaking wet, I’m not worried about anything, and I can just enjoy a simple shower. Soap feels great too, and we normally take turns washing each other and shampooing each other’s hair. I love feeling water droplets hit my closed eyelids. My boyfriend is normally the one to pull me out of the shower after 30 minutes, because he knows that I love it so much that I’ll just stay in there and overheat.

Hitting the cool air outside the bathroom feels great. We kiss and touch each other on the bed. I get totally immersed in the present. The sensations are too wonderful to be thinking of anything else. I really like sex without MDMA, but I absolutely LOVE it when I’m rolling. My boyfriend’s erections are a little slow, but he always been able to come at least once while rolling. What makes sex on ecstasy great is this -- we both become driven by the desire to please each other, not ourselves. This makes sex last about 8 times as long as it normally would for us, because neither of us is hyperfocused on our own orgasm. We’re much more able to appreciate kissing, touching and other foreplay. By the time we’re done, we’re both extremely satisfied. We talk, kiss, cuddle, and eventually fall asleep.

The only time I’ve ever felt “hung over” after using ecstasy was when I took too much -- 2.5 pills. I also suspect that those particular pills were at least half MDA. The roll is similar to MDMA, but I get more energy, stay awake longer, and the feeling of empathy is practically non-existent with MDA. In the case where I took too many pills, I felt worn out, nauseous and had no appetite the following day. When I take 1-1.5 MDMA pills, I normally feel happy and relaxed the following day. Most times, I smile the whole following day, enjoying the afterglow.
I feel that MDMA has added so much to my life. I was a nice person before I used it, but I discovered pure compassion for others like I had never experienced before. I am careful to remember the thoughts that come to me during the roll, so that I can remember the deepest empathy I’ve ever felt and have it with me every day. I have gained priceless insight from my experiences with MDMA.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 28595
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 22, 2003	Views: 14,160
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MDMA (3) : Various (28), Relationships (44), Sex Discussion (14), Glowing Experiences (4)