DOSE:

repeated

smoked

Methamphetamine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

Well right now its pretty late but I’m really tweaked out ergo my lack of sleep. Ironic part about me, I’m anti drug, like major anti drug, I’ve never even smoked pot. Speed had always interested me however. Early September once school had started I met one of my now best friends, who we'll just call Mary. Mary was super skinny and it was common knowledge that she had tweaked over the summer and lost like 40 pounds but everyone thought she had quit. I had never been friends with anyone who had done a hard core drug and I was surprised at how perfect and fine she seemed, everyone adored her and she quickly caught my attention, I almost idolized her because all the hottest guys loved her and the girls feared her.

Well me and Mary started hanging out a lot due to a mutual friend and it was one weekend that I saw her actually do speed. I was in complete awe of it because I had always wanted to try it and here it was being smoked through a crack pipe and passed around. I said that I was wanting to do it and it was offered but I turned it down cause I knew I had to think about it more. I immediately went home and spent hours researching it online. I really wanted to lose weight tho, I wanted a body like Mary’s and loosing weight was my main reason for deciding to try it.

I of course ended up calling Mary that week and telling her I wanted to do it, she was totally excited to have a new person to do it with since most of her friends either quit or weren’t her friends anymore. I put in 20 dollars and then Friday after school we met the dealer and decided to do some with him in the car. I felt better doing it with the dealer because he was so pro and explained it all to me. I held the pipe up to my lips as he lit the bubble at the end. I watched it as the crystals melted and then, what I think is the most addicting site ever, I saw the smoke rise from the little hole at the top and white smoke circulating in at the end of the piece in the bubble. I started to inhale and for a first timer ever smoking anything, I took the biggest hit out of anyone in the car. There were 5 of us, 3 of them being hard core tweakers.

My heart shortly after my first hit began to speed up and I felt fantastic. All of us, including the dealer, went back to Mary’s house and continued to pack bowls and smoke and the more we did the better I felt. Man I was sooo thirsty tho and I must have peed like a hundred times. But the best part was how confident I felt. I’m naturally a confident and loud outgoing person but speed just made it all even more. I also felt complete harmony like nothing could ever make me sad. The best part about speed however was unlike alcohol or even weed, while on speed I wasn’t fucked up, I just felt good, but I was completely aware of what I was doing.

At least that’s how it started since I had no intention of doing it to get high, but just enough to lose weight. Well as it ironically turned out, the dealer took all of our speed with him by accident but promised he would drop it by later that night. So night came and we decided to go out, me, Mary and our other friend Elizabeth who hadn’t done it. We went to ‘in and out’ where there were always tons of our friends hanging out. My best friend for forever is Amy, who didn’t know I was doing it. I refused to tell cause she already accused me of changing since hanging out with Mary, also because she has an extremely addictive personality and I know would go overboard with it. But anyway Amy called me up and wanted to hang out with us, I tried to convince her no since I knew we would get more tonight at Mary’s house. She ended up coming tho and the second she got there was when my experience turned bad.

I started sweating, getting nervous, I was no longer outgoing but quiet and reserved because I was so afraid that Julia would notice something different. The whole night carried on this way and I became worse I worse, grinding my teeth and twirling my hair. I have anxiety problems already and the speed just seemed to make it worse. I went through about a hundred drinks and didn’t talk to anyone except for my occasional comment to Mary saying 'Am I suppose to feel this nervous, my stomach is in knots'. Oh and also, I couldn’t eat anything, my stomach was growling but I had no appitite. I could feel the weight loss and this made me excited. Thankfully we were able to make Amy sleep at Elizabeth's and me and Mary had a sleep over as we waited for our speed to be given back to us.

My first come down from speed was memorable because I was so miserable. My stomach was in knots literally and making so much noise because I was starving. All of the calmness and happiness was gone and my vision was kinda blurry and I was really sad and completely terrified for some reason, paranoia and anxiety. I couldn’t sleep either and my heart was beating so fast I was having a panic attack. I was talking to Mary telling her I never wanted to do it again and she assured me that it was going to be okay and the reason my comedown was so bad was because I was trying to hide it all from Amy and wasn’t comfortable. I didn’t eat at all and after major suffering, I finally fell asleep. I woke up the next morning still feelin a little jittery and uneasy but I felt thin and looked it which made me want more. I craved more cause I knew it would take away the anxiety and help me feel better, and finally we got more speed and I was instantly calm. This is ironic because speed is suppose to make u hyper, instead it helped me chill.

The week that follow my first experience with speed was hard. It was all I thought about and I couldn’t concentrate. I planned on doing it the next weekend and began to do it every weekend. I eventually even got my own piece and would do it alone when I needed to be up. Each week I would start to crave it more and more and I would do it Monday morning before school after the long weekend of tweaking. Since Mary didn’t go to my school there was no one to talk about it with. I planned on having literally NO ONE know, I was ashamed. Keeping it in made me crave it more and more, not the drug but the act of doing it, the smoke circulating in the bowl. I was getting so skinny too, my hip bones were starting to pop out but I was losing the nice as and big boobs I had.

Our dealer ended up fucking me over one time tho and I lost 40 dollars. The quality of his speed was bad too, barely any crystals. I stopped doing it on weekdays and even skipped a week. With that one week of not doing it, I gained weight and the weekend seriously seemed strange and sad. I wanted it more than ever and instead of the cravings going down the less I did it, they just got worse. In desperation both me and Mary ended up getting speed from a different dealer. The dealer ended up being a girl our age who was making her first tweak deal with us. She hadn’t even been tweaking that long and we totally ripped her off. I got more speed than I’ve ever possessed for just me, not sharing with Mary like usual, and it was for about half the price.

From the first moment that I inhaled I knew that I was not the same speed. I could taste the meth in the back of my throat and it burned. Mary told me that is was crystal meth not speed and that it would be much stronger and better but worse for my body. It was that night that I saw the most beautiful sight that will never leave my mind. Mary was smoking and she had packed such a huge bowl that the whole entire bubble of the piece was white and she got more hits from it then I could count. That has been all I think about since that night and my source of cravings. I want to experience a bowl coated COMPLETELY with speed. But anyway, due to the fact that I had a bag of crystal meth all to myself to do as much as I wanted and it wasn’t like me and Mary were switching off with hits, I ended up smoking wayyyy to much, I just loved watching the smoke circulating in the bowl. Well I was so tweaked out of my mind that after the first hour or so of being talkative and happy, I got more nervous and sweaty than I’ve ever been.

I went to a party and talked to no one, I could barely communicate. I didn’t like it, I wanted to go back to the way my speed made me feel, crystal meth was more than I wanted EVER. That night when I slept over at Mary’s we couldn’t stop doing the meth. Both of us were having a pretty bad comedown and we ended up smoking most of our speed just to keep us from feeling the comedown. But I still felt it. I had such bad anxiety that I had to go to the dentist on Monday from grinding my teeth to much which caused my jaw muscles to swell and be stiff. I did so much crystal meth the next day just to keep from coming down but I couldn’t stop the inevitable.

I was unable to sleep for the whole week. I would try and sleep but all I would see was that meth coated piece and I would get panic attacks. I don’t think I learned a damn thing the whole week cause I couldn’t pay attention for more than 4 seconds. I had lost a rediculous amount of weight while doing meth but it all came back quicker. I felt a strong addiction and I thankfully had enough sense to control it. Me and Mary didn’t buy any but instead smoked the small amount I had left from the weekend before. Just those 2 hits I got out of what was left was enough to remind me how horrible meth made me feel. The jolt of energy lasted a short time and then I was stuck with the come down the whole night.

My dealer was in rehab and not selling and really I just wanted to prove to myself that I was still stronger than the addiction and not do it for a weekend. I ended up not doing it for like 3 weeks which was good cause my cravings were bad but it wasn’t taking me over. I have gained like 10 pounds in those weeks and have had a once track mind. My exboyfriend told me to read about meth online thinking it would make me not want to do it but instead, it made me miss it and crave it more. I stayed up late every night reading about speed.

Thankfully Mary was ready for the break to be over to. I don’t know if she purposely was on a break, but since she hadn’t done it in a while I could tell the weight gain was getting to her, even tho she is the skinniest girl ever. Our dealer who was in rehab apparently was still down to sell and he hooked us up so fat with a crystal of pure speed(not as methy) worth 150 for only 100. It was amazing, the break made it affect me more and quicker and I had a great experience tonight. My comedown really isn’t bad either. This is the best tweak experience ever which proves to me that moderation helps. I don’t abuse it and its worth the wait cause it feels better. I have proved to myself that I have power over the addiction and that when its time, I will be able to stop, even tho it will be hard. The most interesting thing about the drug tho is that its not necessarily the drug, but the act of doing it that becomes addictive. I was totally high when I started to write this and now four hours later I’m tired and ready to sleep with no comedown. Tomorrow I am going to do finish of my sack most likely with one of my best friends who I convinced to do it. Oops.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 29015
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 16, 2007	Views: 17,893
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Methamphetamine (37) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Hangover / Days After (46), Relationships (44), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)