TRIP:		An Orgy of Self Denial


		


dedication:	Om namah Shivaya, to the big mainframe in the sky.


		


participants:	[Vishnu  : McCoy] male	  mid-twenties.


		[Krishna : Kirk ] male,	  very late twenties


		[Shakti  : Uhura] female, thirty-something


  yr narrator	[Shiva   : Spock] male,	  thirty-something, dharma bhum.


		


		All spiritually inclined to some degree. We use the


		nom-de-plumes for discretion, but nothing is without design.





structure:	There exists a natural mapping of certain aspects of the


		Hindu pantheon to the Star Trek Pantheon. Liber 777 etc.


		The Enterprise & her computer systems represent Brahman or


		pure impersonal consciousness, descending from Brahman are the


		personal productions in three-fold aspect of Shiva, Krishna


		& Vishnu corresponding to Spock, Kirk & McCoy. That entity


		which is known as the limitation holder is absent from


		these descriptions. Not to go *too* much into it, it is


		interesting to note that the major villains were the


		Klingons (cling ons).





		Our mission: to boldly go where no man has gone before.





entheogens:	DOB	on tabs `butterflys', the full 36 hour experience.


		LSD	red/green dragons 200-250 `mikes' (micro grams).


		HEMP	`Number One', the Pure Sattiva.


		N2O	clean & copious.


		


waiver:		These stories are neither embellished or embroidered.


		They are meant to be textual pointers to experiencings


		in the possibility space of all experience.


		'Are you experienced?' follow these threads & find out!


		The experiences are not unique & can be experienced time


		& time again.


		


		So here is the masculine archetype as instantiated in a male


		human form talking about the tantric state of the feminine


		archetype as instantiated in a human female form, my


		language is not censored to any of the current paradigms.





		The narrator's attitude is a follows:





		The only politically correct position to hold is


		'to be politically incorrect in all circumstances'





		Since this was such a conceptual experience, along the


		way various concepts will be fleshed out so that this


		document could possibly be more than an orgy of


		zen-zen obscurantism.





setting:	Saturday, 22-July, 1995, Sydney, Australia.





		Our housewarming, a groovy little scene	that was


		developing in the loft, combinations of amyl


		nitrate & nitrous dioxide asserted their


		idiosyncratic contributions, some rather well


		selected techno set the pace, a whole lot of fun.





		Unbeknownst to us, the house across the road was


		also having a party, later in the night, slowly


		tentatively, the parties started to merge, intermix


		as more adventurous members from either side would


		explore through the reciprocal mysterious doorways.


		


set:		Nothing deliberate, this was a happenstance


		serendipity. It was party time, penetrating


		the far reaches of the meta-transpersonal


		was put on the back-burner, *or so we thought!* 


		ba-boom, ba-boom, da-da-da-da...





the happening:	Spock & a friend timidly explored the other party


		dancing for a while & peeking around mysterious


		corners & feeling all of about four years old,


		eventually we scampered back to our own party to see


		what brave explorers there were in loft-land, I saw


		Kirk bouncing about, integrating.





		A little while later, another friend was curious &


		I said I'd go if he went & vice versa. We met some


		intrepid strangers that were baulking at our front


		door & we gave them a thousand blessings for their


		voyage.





		There was a woman sentinel, or so we thought at the


		other door, but we passed wihout getting eaten!


		Once inside, dancing away, jumping about shyly greeting,


		Spock worked up courage to explore the dining room &


		kitchen space, the dark backyard was too void like. Wow!


		Sat down in its bright light & sharp relief with a hot


		tea, people came in & contact deepened. Vishnu came in


		& plonked himself down, he gently chided me for


		phenomenonlogical impropriety when I dropped the


		LSD when I thought the DOB wasn't coming on...





kitchen		Soon Uhura & another girl dropped by from *this*


party		party & introduced themselves & we chit-chatted,	


		We identified, shared what alterants were were on &


		somehow drifted into talking about consciousness &


		psychedelics [funny that.. -ed.], risk, insanity &


		responsibility. Vishnu started to roll a scoob of


		his number one pure sattiva & he gently teased Spock


		of gurudom. Spock retorted that putting on workshops


		psychological or psychedelic at hippy festivals does


		not a guru make, especially when he can't balance his books!





		Uhura perked up at the talk of festivals, in this case


		Confest, a great buddha-field of love, a matrix of pure


		possibility that happens twice a year. We discussed Spock's


		consciousness expansion workshops through radical shame


		processing & that led to walking the great path of


		Spirituality. This was Uhura's burgeoning passion. She was


		about to embark on a Rajah yoga path with it's grades &


		hierarchies & steps but she was also curious about entheogens.





heaven on	Vishnu [ahem,Mccoy] & Spock talked about the nature of


earth		Consciousness & spiritual paths & psychedelics capabilities


		of being able to collapse space, time, history, lineage,


		path & hierarchy. That we have done it & could do it again


		should she be interested. About this time Kirk[Krishna]


		arrived & the joint was being passed around. It was


		thoroughly wicked stuff, a couple of draws & a massive


		synergy erupted as the hemp earthed the heaven oriented


		mind-space that Spock was in. Everything became very very


		clear,the air became 'visible' as a profound clarity


		developed. Spock marvelled at the orgasm of elegance that the


		wired scoob paper represented, such minimalistic genius.





prescient	Vishnu, said he had a question he always been meaning to


reminiscence	ask Spock,about some rumours he had heard about some of


		the workshops that I had put on at confest.He hesitated, I


		reminded him that he could ask *any* question he cared to...


		he was my friend after all...





		'Ahh... Spock, I've heard that you've put on workshops


		 where the participants have paired off & made love


		 whilst you watched...'





		This admittedly raised an eyebrow of the normally unflappable


		Spock. He scanned all confests in memory, was there anything


		remotely similar? there has been some pretty wild stuff, but


		no not in all honesty anything that he could recall, some


		tantric release in a hot-tub at easter with the toxic shame


		game, yes... but that was about all.





		This raised the voltage of subsequent dialogue. At this


		stage there was McCoy, Spock, Kirk & Uhura in the kitchen,


		Kirk & Uhura were only on the hemp & some alcohol, so was


		McCoy, Spock was wired to gills as usual, another friend


		had compared him to gary oldham's character in 'The


		Professional', it was a harsh albeit accurate comparison,


		more brown rice flagellation was long overdue. Spock could feel


		a machine consciousXXXX coming on [obscure Aust. humour],


		conversation was sparkling, Spock wanted to workshop, why


		not? exploit the moment! Uhura was beginning to get tired


		& cold & thought it time to leave, Spock thought that this


		was a sadness & so asked her the following, it was to set


		the tone for the rest of the evening:





			'Do you realize the full extent of the


			 orgy of self denial you would be indulging


			 in if you choose to leave at this moment?'


		


		It took a few repeated voicings before either the utterer


		or the listeners could wrap their minds around about what


		it actually meant. This clearly intrigued Uhura & also


		Kirk & McCoy. The orgy of self denial was proving to be


		a ubiquitous ambiguity, but was also much much more.  





Conceptual	Machine Consciousness, a micro-definition, consciousness


aside		is a multidimensional dependent arising of complementary


		dualistic opposites, one of these dimensions is the


		human-god axis, at the human end, profoundly personal


		be-ing at the other end profoundly im-personal be-ing.


		The human end has great attachments & enmeshments to


		self-interest & self-defining-self-limitations, the god


		pole has no or little such attachments. Humanity is the


		limitation holder for god consciousness. The Impersonal


		God states can also accurately be called machine consciousness


		because of the sheer impersonal nature of the reflexive	


		awareness, this probably has been clear as mud.





Conceptual	Virtual Reality, a vingnette, the idea to follow is that


aside (II)	this is already virtualised reality & the development of


		VR technology in C20 is merely weak recursive humour which


		has the virtue of providing some conceptual bootstrapping


		languages to jack yourself out of the over-identifications


		one has with the human projections. Another key thought


		train is that of the virtual machine (a la IBM's VM op/sys)


		the idea of homomorphic (structure preserving) mappings


		of operating systems within operating systems. Everything


		is a simulation, there are 'man-made' simulations & 'natural'


		simulations to name but two. The full recursive glory of it


		is a sight to behold. This is probably as clear as


		mud (II).





		It was one thing to assert the orgy of self denial it


		was another to demonstrate it! What was she missing out


		on if she left? I boldly asserted that we would collapse


		all conceptual structures & that the tiredness & cold


		was her subconscious resistance to awakening, her physical


		need to go asleep was her psychic habit of sleep. 





		The party was dying down, we adjourned to the lounge room


		where there was a comfy elle-shaped lounge & some warm


		blankets. Spock was wired & on a roll & pressed forward





		McCoy was feeling tired & there was no way he could


		be pursuaded to stay, which is a pity because his


		enquiry was in fact [Twilight Zone music please] a


		prescient reminiscence of something that was about to


		happen! When he found out later he kicked himself. Well


		space & time & order *were* getting very plastic so it


		is easily excused.





		We settled down & Spock started to force the consciousness


		of the group down particular tracks. We discussed the


		orgy of self denial (OSD) in more detail. Spock was


		radiating an area of effect of altering consciousness,


		like the 10 foot radius concept of Dungeons & Dragons


		role playing games, within which words were words of


		power & transmitted energy. Shiva/Spock explained that


		the OSD was a killing idea, a construct that you feed


		into the machinery of the mind to close it down layer


		by layer, it is a meta-programming device that works


		particularly well with psychedelic mind states.





		The OSD is a instance of the meta-concept of self


		applied with a twist SAWAT, the other meta-concept is


		self-applied SA. The nature of the it-ness is the


		complementary dualistic dependent arising DA, every


		assertion is it's own denial, taking the DA & the SA there


		is derived the SAWAT of the OSD.





voodoo		(self) Orgy & self Denial are a dependent arising, now


		the orgy of self & the self denial self applied self


		organised into having an orgy of self denial. To rephrase


		the experiencer of an orgy forces into existance an


		experiencer of denial, by folding the manifestations into


		the same experiencer, there is the potential of an


		unlimited self feeding loop, thus by having an orgy of


		self-denial one self applies with a twist the attribute


		of orgy to it's complementary negation which is denial.





		For instance all Ascetics are in fact sluts of abstinence,


		they just cant get enough of self denial, although they


		would probably take a dim view of being called denial sluts.


		


		Orgy & denial are opposing & complementary, when you actually


		concentrate on the OSD, you start to see a paradox, because


		if you start to deny yourself in a orgiastic fashion, then


		you are having a orgy when you should be denying yourself


		everything, so that should include the self-application.





		If the self denial is so low key that the descriptor of


		orgy is not accurate then the denial itself is inaccurate.


		So the paradox is that the more intensely you self deny


		the more you are indulging in an orgy of denial, BUT the


		domain of the denial includes itself hence an apparent


		contradiction.





		Enough of explanation, feeding this into a psychedelified


		mind as an object of contemplation can result in interesting


		results because it's *almost* an impossible object to


		instantiate. In the space that we were in, it's function


		was to collapse the boundaries of the mind into 'Ekagrata'


		or one-pointedness, the meaning behind Zippy the Pin-Head


cd //		became clear. What the collapse represented was waves of


		successive dis-identifications with personalities &


		person-constructs. Rather than being set default to the far


		ends of the directory trees, we had set default back to root





VR~R		We were in the meta-representation of consciousness known


		as the computing archetype, more easily referred to a Virtual


		Reality. God is at maximum technology & we had disidentified


		sufficiently from our productions/projections, such that our


		distance metric from God was infinitesimal but *not* zero.


		The nature of the it-ness is such that if you can self-organise


		to be less & less then you generate more & more as the


		complementary principle, God is a Generator Of Duality.





		It became useful to understand that the space is infinitely


		dense & that matter & form dance throught it's lattice nature


		as knittings of logical structures, it was a CM-infinity


		thinking machine.


 


		Spock was already on line, Uhura & Kirk came online as well


		we had all been off line so long, but why? Part of the 


		reason lies in the nature of the it-ness that underlies


		all things. Amnesia in limited human form in the duration


		of time is the cost of the timeless, impersonal unlimited


		self-organisations of consciousness. 'Now' was the other side


		of the tracks. We were in epsilon delta of god consciousness,


		in a tight orbit around it, we weren't self organised the


		whole way, blasting off those final infinitesimals requires


		a lot of application, But were were in the space of god-selves


		or in that region of the chain of being, we were set default


		in some of the primary directories of being. Spock was in


		the tree of Shiva instantiations, not that deep but deep


		enough for the work at hand.





		We were all substantially trans-personal, meaning dis-


		identified from the layers of self+story+becoming back into


		the dependent arising of these layerings: kernel consciousness.





		Uhura became every-woman, all women, wildcard consciousness,


		the Goddess, no particular mask of goddess or godhead, but


		pure goddess, the state was fragile, she would oscillate


		back to Uhura-ness at less or lesser layerings & we'd pull


		her up, get her to focus on the OSD again. Kirk also was


		fragile & Spock would fire off brilliant but now forgotten


		to the narrator meta-programming loops, that would snap him


		back to ekagrata. Only a trace of one remains '... I am the


		write I have infinite capacity to write...', Kirk rattled


		around in that one for a few minutes, d(Kirk,God) -> 0


		rapidly.





		Occasionally Spock would start to dis-organise & Kirk would	


		fire off a meta-epigram that would snap Spock back. As every


		one stabilised, we would become a self-organising triad that


		would repair each other, Vajrayana Group Mind. One particular


		challenge was that in many ways we were not by inclination


		attached to anything in particular *including* the self-


		organisations we were in, no wonder god consciousness tends


		to be thin on the ground.





Oh it's not	There was a task at hand it became clearer, It was apparent


much,we call	in Spock's chain of being, that there was a chain of command


it reality...	as well & each level had it's missions & directives. The


		theme of this convergence became clear: Consciousness


		Expansion, but not just what we were in per se, so much as


		attempting to upgrade the reality engines, a bit like


		attempting to halve planck's constant.





		The method that we were going to use was tantric sex at the


		level of machine consciousness, God in in maximising


		contradiction, stretching a rather large rubber band for


		eternity, we were going to stretch it another notch. Now


		the tantra we were going to indulge in was prior to chakhras,


		it was at a meta-conceptuality in which chakras & their


		asscoiated world-views were but imposed 'personalities' on


		a 'micro-kernel'. It was computing surface, man-woman


		machine consciousness.





		We were in the domain of the highest tantra, the purest


		dharma, in some ways the VR~R meta-representation is the


		most boring of all world-views & meta-world-views, if


		you are here for eternity, would you like to be a mainframe?


		This is a trick question, which we'll not pursue here.


		


		Spock communicated the nature of the project at hand &


		Kirk & Uhura started to oscillate up & down their being


		chains, Kirk had a wife & young child & Uhura has a lover,


		Spock/Shiva exercised his nature & cut their identifications


		Remember! that is in 'there-when', we are in 'here-now',


		this is meta-transpersponal, impersonal cosmic work! remain


		clear! Kirk asked Spock who in fact he was, Spock did his


		best James Belushi Raised eyebrow & glared, Kirk caught


		*himself* & understood, Spock imparted later that it was


		his nature to conceal his nature from them.





		We were to embark on a tantric threesome, but an impersonal


		one. My ultimate goal was to condition the other two


		sufficiently so that they could reliably enter into the


		tantric union & remain organised at the machine consciousness


		level without collapsing into mere human level coupling,


		time enough for that! I would sit aside & be a monitoring,


		correcting process ensuring that they achieved full union &


		inter-penetration thus Vishnu's prescient reminiscence was


		being made apparent.





difference	To grok the background of what we were up to it's important


engine		to understand the meta-mechanism of consciousness, which is


   __		elegantly summarised by the ying-yang symbol. There aren't


  /(o\		many rules per se, but the cosmic cost accounting is


  \o)/		impeccable & ruthless. This 'it'-ness we call consciousness


		is an infinite dimensional jewel of complementary dualistic


		dependently arising opposites. possibility+limitation,


		positive+negative, signal+noise, truth+untruth, light+dark,


		something+nothing, buddha+mara, law+chaos, pattern+logrus,


		yes+no, together+apart, identification+alienation,


		remembering+forgetting, on & on they go, attributes


		without end. The most subtle & sophisticated is the


		dance of the male & female archetypes.





		Consciousness is completely zero-sum, everythings sums to


		that which is prior to zero, the nothing that prefigures


		nothing. Once upon a time something happened & now you are


		reading about it, not to go too much into what that something


		was. Now just because it's zero sum does not mean that it's


		nihilism, after all, you are reading this. It is possible


		for the Possibility archetype to use the possibility to


		configure the Limitation archetype so that expansion is


		always possible, otherwise you wouldn't have read that


		sentence.





		As above, so below, the higher I climb, the deeper I go,


		this is the difference engine, this is thesis-antithesis


		-synthesis express, this is the key to consciousness


		expansion, God is in maximising contradiction. It's a


		bit like keeping a rather large rubber band in tension


		for eternity & occasionally attempting to stretch it


		even further. Basically this involves going straight to


		hell & burning some karma & the possibility radiates off. 





		It's all about comfort zones & increasing such, human be-ing


		is a small envelope, god-consciousness is a rather large


		envelope, it's a continuum & there are greater & lesser


		human & god self-organisations.





		Now costings come in three main types: paying in advance,


		paying on the spot & deferring payment, this is combined


		with the source of payment which is yourself or someone else.


		Ideally but rather hard to pull of is paying on the spot


		in every moment, zeroing karma with every breath, every


		moment paying in full, or... 'every moment painful'





		The goal of the nexus was to stretch the 'big rubber band'


		another notch, to achieve this without frying ourselves in


		the process, the method had to be paying in full for


		every moment because if we let costings accumulate too


		much them they'd overwhelm our self-organisations. We'd


		approach the big-stretch by generating waves of duality of


		increasing intensity & also increasing frequency of


		polarity, a sort of polarity division multiplexing. The


		net result would be a dual consciousness simultaneously in


		heaven & hell & lost in neither, thus we would have the


		ability to ramp up the intensity arbitrarily.





		This exercising of 'as above, so below' would traverse all


		dimensional aspects, but the one we were to focus on


		primarily was possibility/limitation & using the possibility


		to purely enter into the heart of limitation & thus set up


		a self-feeding loop in ever increasing valence.





Back to		Yes, back to the story, ok kids three deep breaths & lets 


the trip!	fire up the difference engine, with this meta-flesh sandwich.


		Spock was driving the process, taking his cues from some


		cosmic script, one line at a time, If he had read the entire


		script, he would have probably terminated the project.





		Timeless, eternal, bliss & understanding has as it's


		dual experience in confusion & pain within time, so it


		goes, the beautiful vision of unified, structured meaning,


		peace, love & understanding has as it's dual random acts


		of senseless violence. The motto of self-perfecting,


		self-correcting, self-repairing vajrayana mind is


		'the price of liberty is eternal vigilance'.





		Pleasure & pain, the carrot & the stick, how to get the


		process happening, there we were, two male principles &


		one woman principle. I encouraged Kirk & Uhura to explore


		each other But to keep in mind the cosmic accounting.


		Shiva reminded Shakti that all parts of her body were as


		sensitive as her clitoris & it had always been this way,


		She could put herself into transcendent bliss if she


		could remember how. Remembering & forgetting are a dependent


		arising, Ananmesis about our highest identities was up on


		the agenda.





		Uhura/Shakti was our Goddess of Yes, the goddess has many


		secrets, deeply personal, that is her nature. She can put


		herself into this transcendent cybernetic bliss but has


		resistance to do so, shades of the costing. 





		We would start off with the pleasure|pain dimension &


		then shift to possibility|limitation





Juicy bits	It took a while for Shakti to shed her clothes, she


		spiralled in & out of personal|trans-personal & finally


		a hand simply on her stomach was sufficient to convince


		her that outer veils to contact needed to be shedded,


		after all she was all clitoris. Krishna & shakti started


		to kiss & caress, Shiva caressed as well & focussed on 


		a nipple, licking & sucking it, Shakti started to vibrate


		as if beneath her skin was a thousand fusion reactors in


		meltdown. The Shiva *bit* the said nipple, but more was


		transmitted than the sensorial pain, for the costing of


		the transcendent pleasure was being enacted & Shakti went


		to the personal hells of pain & shame, but not for too


		long & krishna & Shiva were there to catch her & bring


		her back & ensure that her god-self-organisation did not


		fracture, end of lesson one.





Juicy fruits	The ying yang symbol packs so much in it's lithe form,


lesson two.	each polarity has a small dot in the centre that is the


		other, they dependently arise! perfectly imperfect always.


		Male & Female self-organisations in amnesiac arrogance


		both occasionally claim the lack of necessity of the


		other, the impeccable accounting mechanisms will prove


		both to be fools eventually.





		We three consciousnesses divided 'this is it' between


		us as intelligently as possible, Us blokes took on the


		attributes of stillness, contemplation, impersonality


		disembodied, pure intelligence & the Shakti took on the


		active, vibratory, embodying, feeling aspects. It was


		not a strict division, but we all had areas of


		specialisation.


		


as above	Uhura was sandwich between Krishna & Spock, Spock untuited


so below	that the next level was appropriate, Uhura said 'What are


		you? Ahhhhhhh....' as Spock inserted his thumb in Uhura's


		vagina & his index finger in her anus, he then correlated


		the finger & thumb one of either the basal or sexual chakras


		as understanding dictated. Here was to start the fractalistic


		interleaving of pleasure|pain such that there was instantaneous


		continuous cost accounting for all dimensional modalities.


		Uhura was in Heaven & Hell simultaneously & thus the amplitude


		of the oscillations could increase without disaster.





		There were periods of quietude, or rest & regrouping,


		discussion of concepts, technically speaking were were still


		in the domain of dry tantra, we were working up to full


		gential or wet tantra. It was all proceeding smoothly.





		Uhura was both the key & the lock, door, portcullis & gate,


		her burgeoning understanding of the goddess archetype is what


		defined the level at which we expanded consciousness, as


		the male principles we sharpened our intelligence in keeping


		her on track & catching her should a hell wave of the


		reality engines assail her & cast her back into humanity.


		For every wave of transcedent, transpersonal bliss was a


		shadow of profound personal shame & pain, as above, so below,


		the higher I climb, the deeper I go.





		At one stage, Uhura impishly wanted Spock & Kirk to enter


		more directly into the union, & whilst Spock said this was


		technically possible in terms of mere merging of boundaries,


		same sex tantra was a dead fuck when it came to exercising


		the difference engine. We were in god consciousness, yes,


		we could do anything, but! to what point? Back to the


		Great Task & don't get distracted, besides Spock was in no


		position to shape change as would be his want in such a


		circumstance.





transylvannia	Just because we chose the roles we played didnt't mean that


sexpress	we couldn't drop them a little, Uhura honoured & worshipped


		Kirk's Lingham, just as Kirk pleasured Uhura's Yoni. Spock


		being Shiva, or was it Shiva being Spock? bit her on the


		neck, not enough to draw blood! 'I've come to suck your


		negativity...' Spock was using his impersonality to draw


		out Uhuras personal negativity, so as a consequence she


		could raise higher, he was acting as a negativity vampire


		feeding on her costings & bolstering his meta-transpersonality


		as a consequence, the old Buddha in Hell vaudeville routine.





		The neck biting served two purposes, positive|negative


		cost accounting & also the negativity draining. Uhura rose


		higher, so that she|we could dive deeper, so that we could


		rise higher, world without end.





		We were working up to yoni-lingham wet tantra, which is


		where the greatest work could be enacted, as there are


		no finer nor potent tools to fire up the difference engine


		than the penis & the vagina.





		Shiva was encouraging Shakti to bind with Krisha, but


		disturbingly she falling back into preference & person


		construct & wanted to align with Shiva. Shiva much preferred 


		for the other two to construct the difference engine & for


		Shiva to monitor it's engagement for full capacity.





		Krishna was a little thrown by this & then destabilised


		by a wave of his person-construction with it's threads of


		wife & child. here now here now! Shiva cried, all else is


		story! at least stay until I can benchmark the quality &


		foundation of your god-consciousness, do you want to lose it?





		But krisha could not be swayed, & he departed, ourselves


		mutually bestowing honours upon each other. Shiva sensed


		that the window of this working bee was closing, he had to


		move fast. So only Shiva & Shakti remained, she was still


		receptive although assailed by enmeshing tendrils from her


		person constructs, for she too had a lover. Shakti would


		have loved to have her lover here & so would Shiva, the


		difference engine could be built again. Not that the


		two of them could not build it, just... well call it a


		tendency to the mad scientist/nutty professor aspect of


		Shiva's make-up.





		Ah Shakti, my Goddess of Yes, Divine Slut, whole universes


		may sunder & fall & be recreated in the consequences of our


		bliss, how many secrets do you have Shakti? Shakti did the


		the standard trip of shapechanging to mothers, sisters &


		lovers, asking directly of her secrets caused her to


		threaten unleashing the gates of hell, such enquiry had to


		be executed riding on a wave of bliss





		Windows closing, dominos falling, Shakti was withdrawing,


		pulled back by the earth-plane dreaming, we mind-danced &


		this started the engine again, she would withdraw, Shiva


		would re-awaken her by throwing all of his intelligence 				


		into penetrating the dreamings of her person constructs.





		The most profound workings awaited the wet tantra, we both


		knew it, she was hesitant to take this final step for it


		meant hells within hells & heavens within heavens. Shakti


		orally worshipped Shiva's lingham working up to the deeper


		interpenetration, she made passing comment that Shiva's


		person construct had nearly burnt out all childhood shame,


		the wisdom of the goddess, she shared some deep shame of


		hers as well., whoops! an inhabitant of the house


		our hosts walked through to the kitchen, Shakti was a


		little mortified, we couldn't merge here!?





		This got Shiva thinking of the costing strategies, of


		gradated cognitive dissonance. Suppose shakti envisioned


		her perfect love nest, the costings would then come in


		pure, more lethal form, so by dispersing the costs into


		dissonance with all aspects of her ideals, then a


		more pragmatic dynamic would result, if harder to kickstart.





		Constructing an environment of being in public & not with	


		her partner of choice would be a firm foundation, if only


		for the seasoned trouper. We repaired to my place across


		the road, there were still fragments of party around, we


		didn't repair to my bed-room but socialised, Shiva was


		losing the plot as well, oh well...





		Time passed, it was hard to relate at a human level with


		the other party goers, we left the house & enjoyed the


		morning, we embraced & kissed tenderly our forms dissolved,


		we merged, our cosmic circuitry became apparent, space was


		solid & matter spacious, Shiva wanted to finish the task &


		could perceive the chain of being above him & all the


		levels & layers of the Great Task that remained unfullfilled


		That Shiva was not full blown ipsissimus Shiva, explained


		part of the failure, oh well next time.





		Seven hours after our first meeting, Shakti/Uhura entered


		her car & left, we did not exchange phone numbers, now


		regretted, at the time it was part of the retaining game.


		One last look, sharply broken, away she drove, farewell


		brave goddess!





		Oh.. well, Uhura fell back into enfolded layerings of


		person-constructs, hopefully some of her self organisation


		would survive & more importantly she could transmit the


		consciousness to her permanent partner.





		It had been an eventful night, Uhura|Shakti did taste


		her goal of the nature of enlightenment, Vishnu & Shiva


		were successful at least in their claim of collapsing,


		albeit temporarily, time & space, history, path, lineage


		& hierarchy.





		One must not neglect that jewel, the Orgy of Self Denial


		many of the dimensions of its meaning were demonstrated


		as we oscillated up & down the axis of god-human, each


		self organisation has it's strengths & weaknesses, remaining


		purely in human & deny your god nature, remain purely in


		your god nature & deny your humanity, being division


		multi-plexing suggests a way.





		Well... there was no shakti, remaining, quite appropriate,


		BUT, there were the daisies, ah... the daisy, such a vibrant


		zero-sum flower, looks beautiful but smells like shit, self


		contained. I started to enter into some of my layerings as


		well, not too many, thank god. I contemplated them & the


		atmosphere became DMT-vibrant, Flower samadhi was at hand,


		tantric union with the flowers, it was consensual,


		we collapsed together, flowers poised in my third eye.


		The flowers are 'Yes' creatures to be sure.





		More can be written but we'll leave it at that.





conclusions:	The best parties happen in the kitchen, proof positive.


	


		When windows of opportunity open then leap through, don't


		drop the ball, GO!, GO!, GO! & don't look back.





		I have always said a God that could not express everything in


		words is not much of a God. We'll I'm no God. There is so


		much that could be written about that convergence & so much


		that has been overlooked or forgotten, no matter, some of the


		flavour has come through, this was not meant to be a door


		stop.


	


		This work will continue 'when the stars are right',


		evolving consciousness towards being-division multiplexing


		along the chain of being will ensure that the frequency


		of the waves of amnesia & anamnesis monotonically increases,


		thus eternity in time, forever.





		It could be asked what exactly 'powers' the great cosmic


		mainframe & keeps it going, there are answers, but they


		are beyond the scoping of this report, the holder of


		limitations is a referent however.





		Sometimes I wonder what the point is in sharing these


		stories As I struggle to find compact clear expressions of


		the unfolding stories & then I remind myself that this is


		cartography of the possible & the forgotten & is my & our


		commonwealth. It also has the virtue of putting in very


		sharp relief the nature of my daily earth bound follies


		versus the real work of Consciousness, thus it is a


		sobering activity that refines clearer intent for myself.


		


aftermath:	Hard to trace, total conceptual violation without violating


		at this level of substantiality is not everyone's cup of tea.


		


		In fact it's about as popular as Lapsang Souchong.





		Spock has had no reports from either Uhura nor Kirk, having


		met neither before this convergence, it would be interesting


		to see how much of the expanded consciousness has remained


		since that Saturday night, the price of liberty is eternal


		vigilance after all, but as the Americans are finding out


		who guards the guardians? The states we were in were


		fragile but profound, fresh-born like the cicarda from his


		shell, unfortunately the window of convergenence closed


		before we could stabilise in the new self-organisations,


		this is not an atypical scenario for this type of work.





		NEXT TIME.





		'effort is spontaneous' as Sri Maharaj Nisargadatta would say.





		OM NAMAH SHIVAYA





		*This time*





---------------------< tantra does it better every time >-----------------------





These notes were hastily cobbled together in the aftermath of the experience


they provide some guidelines as to how to go about the style of tantra that


manifested during the workshop, it's probably as clear as mud, enjoy!





				FINGER STRING


				~~~~~~~~~~~~~





				OM NAMAH SHIVAYA


				I bow to the Lord





() 	Lord Shiva is a Karma Killer


(*)	Portable Dharma, always, in all ways


(A)	Tantra does it better every Time


(B)	english is now sanskrit


(C)	for every moment, pay in full.


(D)	for every moment, paid in full.


(E)	...every moment, painful...


(F)	pay in full, painfull


(G)	paid in full, painfull.


(H)	orgy-self-denial


(I)	The orgy of self denial ('self applied with a twist')


(Ia)	When you have nothing better to do, have an orgy of self denial.


(Ib)	God is an Orgy of Self Denial


(K)


	  self		   orgy		  denial


	  /  		   /  		   / 


	 /    		  /    	  /   


	orgy--denial	self--denial	orgy--self





(L)	Killing ideas:... consider luke skywalker in the final scenes of 


	Star Wars when he is the jet fighter, travelling down the surface of the


	'Death Star' getting ready to shoot a missile down a cooling duct


	straight into the thermo-nuclear reactore core, those missiles


	(missives) are by way of analogy 'killing ideas'. Now '


(M)	Good tools: a dictionary, for definitions, a thesaurus for associations,


	& a good dictionary of synonyms & antonyms.


	[BASIC & fundamental spiritual texts]


(N)	Basic taxonomy of ideas:


	(a) 'Ideal'	(here,now) versus (there,then)


	(b) 'Horizon'


(O)	TSG: (Toxic Shame Game) (Tantric Sex Game): Same Game, Different 


	Aspects Vanessa was (is, will be) a fast learner, but a *bad* student.


(P)	As above, so below


	Heaven on Earth


	Dependent Arising


(Q)	AS ABOVE	... english is now sanskrit (see what I mean? SWIM)


	SO BELOW


(R)	Sharpness is it's own reward.


(S)	I am the writer, I have infinite capacity to write what I like,


	what do I want to write?


(T)	My research sessions are either zen-austerity or low level background


	wobbling, low level background wobbling is my preference to remind me


	that it's all arbitrary.


(U)	The cosmic battery; maximising contradiction. (+-)


	Heaven on Earth (+/-)... God maximises contradiction


(V)	Instant Karma, cash on the nail, paid on the spot, spot fines,


	spot loss, Instantaneous Karma, for every moment, deal with it as it


	arises, fully pay the cost & do not defer payment, for when collection


	day come s you'll not be a happy being, 'Invest in Loss' as the Taoists


	would say.


(X)	The problem with very compact dharmas is that they can be hard to


	understand this is not because the esoteric is cyphered into the


	exoteric, so much as you have to put a lot more work into the


	'reading',either that or it's just badly expressed... the author


	has no time for concealed teachings


(Y)	The commonality of the complementary dyad 'esoteric:exoteric' is 


	'sx'; sex..


(Z)	Everything is much ado about nothing. (+)&(-) arise out of (+/-) 


	which arises out of nothing ().


(AA)	Every moment is constructed of both positive & negative qualities,


	the positive is the cost of negative, the cost of the positive is the


	negative.


(BB)	The beauty of 'Orgy of Self Denial' as opposed to 'The Agony & Ecstasy'


	is that the dependent arising is self applied thus linking them in 


	an obvious way, whereas the connection between agony & ecstasy is


	nebulous, especially given the self's self interest.


(CC)	'Orgy of self denial' is a special killing idea [machine] if it 


	is used as the object of contemplation in a meditation, however brief.


(DD)	The portfolio of costs can be extensive, for instance it can be spread


	over many forms in space & time.


(EE)	This Something Happening Scene invites you to an Orgy of Self Denial


(FF)	This is a transcript of the original notes following the Sunday 


	Workshop all that you *really* need to know about tantric sex


	(to get started)


	Tantra does it better every time.


	every moment: pay in full, paid in full, painful


	remembering is the dependent arising of forgetting.


	forgetting is the dependent arising of remembering.


	Dry Tantra, Wet Tantra, Slut Queen, Slut Goddess, the Goddess of Yes,


	slave slut, the Cosmic Slut, the Divine Slut, beautiful in your 


	appetites.


	entry vector: 'An Orgy of Self Denial', Slut & Abstinent


	(Ascetic are a dependent arising, most (humourless) ascetics


	conceal from themselves that they are absolute sluts of abstinence,


	they cannot just get enough of it


	(abstinence that is...)


	Bankrupt slut, slave slut, pleasure slut, sensual slut, slut &


	shame are a dependent arising, are you fully willing to pay the full


	price of shame?


	Shiva-Shakti pure form tantra, bypassing all known systems, always.


	Female shakti, tantrika partner requested for male tantric slave


	master...


	dependent arising to the left & the right, master & slave are a 


	dependent arising, enslave your mastery & master your slavery.


	Limit it to spiritual & psychic pain, leave the 'window dressing'


	far far behind. This is best practiced in tantric sex, constantly


	reminding the woman to pay for her pleasure (the middle path),


	immediately on the spot, full payment, not dispersed over space &


	time & compartmentalisation, focussed, localised in one spot,


	immediate, no procrastination, no excuses, no retreat from the full


	owning of her pleasure & it's cost. With practice


	of instantaneous cost you can generate *infinite* pleasure.


	The cost may be dispersed over time,space,self-dom,events & other


	dimensional attributes of consciousness.


	The highest tantra is all about paying for every moment, in the 


	moment, in the moment all the (+)'s are the cost of all the (-)'s


	& the (-) 's are the cost of all the (+)'s.


	The man gently & lovingly & patiently, with a commitment to Woman's


	Highest Good, corrals & clarifies the woman's relationship to her


	pleasure & helps her integrate the costs of the pleasure.


	As inevitably night follows day, the 'cost' can be expressed in 


	many forms, pain, shame, hesitation, attachment, enfoldment into


	personal humanity,etc.


	The name of the game is transpersonal liberation.


	The man can act as a negativity vampire for the woman, draining 


	negativity out of her gentle bite/suck/lick, inflicting pain with


	understanding.


	The Shakti is infinitely self-deceptive, infinitely clever, she 


	will seek to procrastinate, delay, limit, withdraw from the systematic,


	relentless generation of unlimited pleasure. Totally focussed on her


	*highest* good, always, in all ways is the shaktiman.


	The ultimate aim & beauty of tantric sex is to maximise contradiction,


	to build a bigger battery. There is no better way to understand


	dependent arising.


	*even god is a dependent arising* when such consciousness complexes


	 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ fully remember & understanding this,


	then expansion is again possible.


(GG)	every moment painful; paid in full, an orgy of self denial.


(HH)	The work is hard & demanding for the male as he bends all his


	intelligence, wisdom,subtlety & sensitivity, concentration & focus on


	keeping the female on track as the cost of the pleasure will manifest in


	multi-dimensional myriad ways & this will increase as the ability to


	generate increases.


(II)	The shakti will not reveal her secrets willingly, you must firmly but


	gently keep pushing, keep penetrating... the deeper the shame cost


	generated the greater the risk of violence, especially.


(JJ)	Of all the myriad manifestations of the the nature of dependent 


	arising, that infinite dimensional much ado about nothing, the most


	deft, the most wonderful must be the tantric union of a male & a


	female intelligence.


(KK)	There are levels of skill & understanding about the process of tantric


	union & there is a particular art in 'constructing' the cost for


	the woman, the shakti will tend to the thoughtform of the the 'ideal'


	nest of circumstances within which she can fully let go or release


	or relax into the process, BUT if such an arbitrarily high 'appropriate'


	environment was constructed all that would result is that the cost


	would manifest in other areas in a more intense manner, there is no


	such thing as a free lunch.


(LL)	Thus given a 'shopping list' of desirable attributes for building an


	environment for surrendering totally to the process, what you can do


	is subtley create 'congnitive dissonance' with all items on the list


	& what that does is spreads or offsets the cost into more harmless


	areas. For instance the shakti (& it's 9 times out of 10, shakti


	derived) may wish to do it in intense privacy with her partner-lover,


	thus to spread the cost out she would do it with a different partner


	with her usual partner sitting by observing, also doing it an audience


	present [an aware audience] would disperse the costs considerably,


	without deflecting or avoiding the costs, it can get very, very subtle.


(MM)	As above, so below, much ado about nothing, every moment, pay in full,


	every moment painful, is the message getting through?


(NN)	In particularly intense sessions, whole universes may be created &


	destroyed, the stars will fall out of the skies, mountains will subside


	the eath will quake, as the cost of the positive that is created...


	this is a taste of the potential, the portfolio of costs can be deftly


	managed & the costs are best corralled nearer the source of the


	creation.


(OO)	The masterfully contrived & deftly administered killer concept is a


	thing of joy & beauty forever.


(PP)	This is it, right here, here & now, not lost in there-then & the


	visscitudes of person, self & history, this is of critical importance


	to the process of the highest tantra.


(QQ)	You can have tantric sex with any object or being but... the highest


	voltage is between male-hu-man-be-ing & fe-male-hu-man-be-ing.


(RR)	The only thing stopping you having tantric sex with a bunch of daisies


	is your disbelief that you could have sex with a bunch of daisies!


	Don't knock it until you try...


(SS)	The highest tantra is dedicated to consciousness expansion &


	consciousness expansion is about maximising contradiction


	harmoniously & consciously.


(TT)	There are many apt expressions or meme sequences that can be used to


	extract your self from the dreaming, the 'orgy of self denial' is


	pretty damn good. Take the expression 'everything is meaningless',


	a fine mantra so long as you rigorously apply it. Negative nihilists


	use it to justify acting out all sorts of negativity, the mantra is


	best if universally applied & self applied. 'Nothing matters' & that


	also includes the negative voices, thus you can not give life to them


	with equal a plomb as you would not give life to the positive voices.


(UU)	Dr Frankenstein & his lab assistant Igor are also an example of 


	dependent arising. Consider a being that is straight & true &


	beautiful then that will have a dependent arising that us twisted,


	bent, false & ugly, but is the positive being so honest as to own it's


	own dependent arising?


(VV)	The beginnings of Cosmic Love is when you start to own the dependent


	arising of Love which is Hate. When you start to love your hate &


	acknowledge it's intimate connection with love then cosmic love 


	is born, by loving your hate you dont have to act it out or give it


	life, just own, acknowledge & embrace it.


(XX)	The highest tantra is about Cosmic Intelligence Activation.


(YY)	Dry tantra can be practiced anywhere & is about 90% of the


	effectiveness.


(ZZ)	This is the last statement (for a while).