DOSE:

80 ml

oral

Ayahuasca

(tea)

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

I was attending a conference in Brazil. The format was the same for each Ayahuasca session. We gathered in a large, airy room that is screened on all sides and built around a pole in the center. We would share our intentions for each of the sessions and each tie a knot in a length of wool, when we were all done L (one of the facilitators) would knot the ends, symbolizing our circle, and giving us an anchor to come back to. In the sharing the day after each session, we would each untie a knot as we shared whatever we wished to about our experiences. The room was darkened and we would all lie on our own mattresses while it hit. There was music on the way up, traditional chants, rain sounds, soothing music, and L walked around the room chanting and shaking a gourd rattle.

Session 4

Radiance, Singing through panic, Nephandi lovers come home to roost, loving Jonathan

Dosage: 80ml.
Physical effects: The usual diarrhea. No vomiting. Physical lethargy during the early part, followed by energy and just plain randiness.

I started the night off as a radiant child, the eternal child, the Fool card from the tarot deck, blithely dancing off the cliff. Jonathan smiled at me and said 'hey, cosmic child.'

I panicked as it hit, it always begins for me with this tight feeling in the roof of my mouth, akin to the feeling I would get when very sick, delirious with fever as a child.

I sang through the panic, I'm not sure what, it was apparently pleasing to those near me as Gary told me afterwards that I have a magical voice. I took some excellent self-portrait photos on the way up, probably the best photographs I have ever taken of myself.

I saw my comrades' souls as glowing, dancing balls of light, some rainbow, some specific hues, all dancing. This was probably fueled by Jonathan dancing with blue and gold keychain lights. Beautiful. I got flashes of images as I climbed, I felt the Nephandi I invented in the Twilight War, I saw the contamination in the people of Boston, the energy chain that linked the victims to the Nephandi. I realized it would all make a good story and that I should write it up, perhaps with just enough changed to not get sued by White Wolf, or check with White Wolf and have them pay me for the story.

Kyle was there, speaking to me and somehow I was Leigh. I felt Kyle touch my mind lightly and he whispered 'I am here. I have always been here. I waited until you came into your power because you were not of much use to me until now. But now, you are mine, as you have always been.' With his touch came intense sexual longing, my body and soul was on fire, wanting him. And I felt my second soul, the dragon soul, awaken.

I saw Rachel, saw her call the fire spirits, saw the explosion light all the worlds.

Somewhere in all of this I cast off my chemise and vest, feeling like I was shedding a snakeskin. I felt so much more comfortable and free with my upper body naked, so I remained so for most of the night.

I came out of this delirium to discover that darkness had fallen while I dreamed. I got up and went outside, finding Jonathan there. We cuddled, kissed and talked. Our clothes stayed on, but we were very close to making love under the stars. It was a beautiful night and I was very much in love with him.

I saw B and we spoke a little. Jonathan tried to play relationship counsellor but B was having none of it. He did manage to reassure me that he is still in love with me; somehow I was finally able to feel it and believe it in a way I hadn't been able to the previous times. I asked him if there is anything I am doing here or could do here that would make him love me less and he said that there is not. In some way I both accepted him deeper into my heart and let him go all at the same time.

I was very catlike through the sharing, cuddling with Jonathan. Alex scritched me behind the ears.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 32016
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 29, 2004	Views: 9,087
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Ayahuasca (8), Banisteriopsis caapi (169), Psychotria viridis (170) : Group Ceremony (21), General (1)