DOSE:	15 mg	oral	4-AcO-MiPT	(liquid)
	repeated	smoked	Cannabis	(plant material)
	repeated	oral	Alcohol - Hard	(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

285 lb

1:02 a.m.

I'm not sure why I am compelled to go about this so late at night. I just feel a buzz in the air that somehow got into my head, and so I dissolved 250 mgs of 4-AcO-MiPT into 250 mils of vodka. Used a “bbq flavor injection needle” to measure out 15mls, for 15 mgs of 4-AcO-MiPT to put into diet pepsi. The liquid spurts out in a spastic floooosh from the giant plastic needle into my soda cup, causing a great deal of foam to rise to the top, fortunately none of it exiting the confines of my glass. No spillage of the researchablez. Why does everything I do turn into a joke in the end? Cosmic...

1:05 a.m.

Drank it down in a few quick gulps. Had a slight bitter taste, but nothing terrible. Much less icky tasting than 4-AcO-DiPT had been. So much less intense of a alkaloid bitterness.

1:11 a.m.

I am already noticing a slight alteration. My temple regions are glowing with sensation a bit, My chest has the start of a nice rush feeling. Sorta like foxy and mdma in that respect. AMT too for that matter. Has a nice stimulated empathy thing going on too inside fo me.

1:36 a.m.

Swimming thoughts...the energy is trying to find a home as it whorls around inside of me…I can feel my body swaying ever so slightly back and forth to the rhythm of the music. I have playing a cd of my band, Energon, practicing. I am really inspired by how closely my band mates and I are listening to each others playing in these recordings. We sound like a single self aware organism breathing music.

There is a great deal of phosphene-like imagery when I shut my eyes away from the computer screen…instantly images emerge from the primordial mind fog, and soon I find myself involved in a ever morphing tour of the backside of my mind. Probably a lot of the thoughts I never pay attention to are floating around in this feeling-mass of slow thinking sludge. The imagery is so mixed and amorphous that it’s hard to judge what it is all about. I just know at one point I was flying next to a dolphin wearing sunglasses across a 2-d coloring book world. Makes no sense to me really either, so don’t fret on it. Just keep reading...

That’s the weird thing with this experience thought, that I actually can “see” myself having these “visions”. Like there is an observing aspect of myself that is watching me, and commenting on, the thought process I usually identify as my self, or Catfish Rivers. The observing aspect is totally aware of what I am feeling and saying within the landscape of the “visions”, but it can somehow remain separate from it all. It’s like I see everything as if looking into a snow globe. Watching me shake myself up and watching me watching the kaleidoscopic snowflakes form and fall away from my mind’s eye…

1:55 a.m.

Music sounds amazing. The textures of the hand drum, the keyboards set to funk blasters, and my band mate D. on flange-guitarz echoing back to me from the cd. Wicked Miles Davis kinda flow. Totally rad. The After Birth of Cool is born!

2:05

Some intense phosphene geometric visuals…the usual type structures that I am used to seeing. Somewhat reminiscent of the “ghosts” depicted in the Final Fantasy movie. The flowers on the wallpapers begin to breath and sway, ebbing this way and flowing that. Deep breathes feel cleansing. I feel closer to my body, more in it. Or more like the nerve endings that are usually too tired or burnt out from my fight or flight reflex over-firing itself to feel, are suddenly charged and at full feeling capacity. I can feel exactly where I need to relax. Those areas are not glowing like the rest of me is. Those areas feel all pinched and grey, while the rest of me is undulating with an rainbow of prismatic everbursting light. It is a wonderful feeling and at the same time I can also feel intensely the clenched up and tight, fearful aspect of myself. The anxiety that constantly bites like a brain hungry zombie of a mosquito at my mind.

I stretch for a bit and really feel the glow spread out into my body. It is almost like a seeing an energetic map of my body in my mind, the more honest I am with my visualizing of it, the more real the connection between my thought and feeling are. I can actually feel myself from the inside out sorta, through the energy. Sorta like how yer hand fits inside of a rubber glove. So close a relationship, yet separate things entirely. It is weird. I am not sure if I am supposed to let go and then what…dissolve into my being? Maybe that is what relaxation really is…dissolving into oneself. Or am I supposed to feel it as a separate function of myself? My energy body? My chi? WTF is it? Maybe another bowl will help solve the conundrum?!?

No real somatic complaints, except some slight muscle clenching. I occasionally find myself dwelling on work, which instantly makes my body clench. The less I think about work, the more I can enjoy this state of mind. The two can remain separate tonight. I just have to remind myself. Gently…and just remember to keep breathing. I often find myself holding my breath. As if I am waiting for something to happen as I watch the images float around in the much mash of my thoughts. I clench all the time. Somewhere in me there must be a button that says relax on it. Now, just where is the damn thing?

2:23

Alex Grey is amazing. I am looking at “Laughing Man” (1986) and it is making me laugh with joy. I feel my eyes slant as my cheeks rise in cheer of life! Go life and all living!

It made me think of a few times recently when I have bent over and felt the blood rush into my teeth sorta. I could feel all of my teeth, almost magnetically. It felt the way the Grey painting looks. Like feeling myself thru an x-ray machine…all of the veins, and the lines of energy. I felt like I could close my eyes and feel them flowing through my own face. I am noticing how one can feel oneself in layers. You really can feel your bones, how they sit inside your flesh and muscle tone. You can feel the muscles, and even the energy holding the muscles in place. It’s at this point that I can see my moods and emotions, and how they are structures, or layers, just like muscle and bone. I can see my every day thinking in front of me as layers too, and how my thinking intermixes with the energy that hold my muscles in place, which is clutching desperately to my bones for dear life it feels lately. So much body tension is usually caught up in my body. A constant state of clenching muscles. It is good for me to study Alex Grey’s paintings and imagine them as my own body. I feel somehow a loosening up of some areas of blockage.

2:36

I may be noticing a slight drop in intensity from the peak there. Which was feeling rather good. I had, and still have mostly, a great rush of creative and empathic feelings. I want to understand and care for myself. I want to allow myself to manifest into the full creative genius I know I have sheltered inside of my onionskin of selfing. I just need to stop worry about other people. Stop taking their judgment of me seriously. It is all my perception of it anyhow is what I remind myself. I do not require authorization to act. I am a free will creature of this existence. I will move and be where and when I choose to be. I need not the permission of anyone or thing ‘cept to follow my path along how and when I see fit. I must constantly remind myself that THIS IS MY LIFE, and not just a movie in my head. My life is not someone else’s daydream. It is not an easy thing to remember sometimes these days, that our lives are not like TV.

3 a.m.

My head is still full of hot soupy thinking. Thoughts melt and bleed into each other. My thought process has a somewhat feverish quality to it. My inner dialogue, the voice that is my thought process, has a slight metallic edge to its tone that I usually don't notice. I am thinking at one point back to when my brother and I were young, and how he had a lung tumor that nearly killed him. This pulls at my tear ducts a bit. I am glad to have a brother that I love and get along with. This thought sort of melts into a memory of my brother playing Super Mario Brothers earlier today, whipping out his old Nintendo games after Easter dinner with my Mom. This blast of nostalgia was all fun and games at first, but as I sit here chemically altered I see that it has opened up the gates of many confusions born in those days. It's funny how closely my emotions are associated with the video games I played a lot of as a kid. I wonder how many other people have similar associations in their heads. Growing up hiding in front of a Nintendo.

CEVs remain very vivid, seemingly nonsensical, and fast paced. I can see Mario running around in Penny Heaven. Bling bling bling! It's funny, as I am allowing myself to chuckle at what I see Mario doing behind my eyes, I feel a sense of dread as I start to remember this monster from an old Coleco-Vision game called 'Venture'. The monster's name was 'The Hall Monster.' It would come for you if you lingered in the halls, or rooms of the game too long. It used to scare my brother and I so much that we both had separate nightmares about the damned thing. I can still conjure the hall monster in my mind, an evil, pale Atari graphic mandibula creature floating diagonally down from the top left of my mind and after me. I feel nervous just thinking about him. I wonder what buried stuff he is sitting on in my mind? I'm not sure if I will find that out any time soon unfortunately. The hall monster doesn't guard just Nothing. Or at least not in the game. In the game, you steal treasure and archeological valuables ala Indian Jones. So I figure, the Hall Monster archetype in my mind has got to be guarding something good. Something I might want to sneak in and steal back sometime. Or maybe what they said was true, about video games rotting my brains out...

3:23

Smoked a bowl. Burped out smoke a few minutes after smoking. Reminded me of that baby Godzilla, Gadzookie. This makes me laugh. The pot brings the visuals back into focus a bit. I am feeling the let down of a lost speediness. The rushing glow has let up a bit. I still feel really energized mentally but not like before. I am not glowing effortlessly now. I can still feel the energy of tripping buzzing in my skull, but it is like I am feeling it through a rubber glove almost. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that I am documenting this first experience for me with this substance so closely. I am often caught between the desire to just experience, and the fear of not remembering any of what I am learning, and thus the compulsion to write it all down as it is occurring. Tonight I think it is good for me, allowing me to process on a more semantic level. It's a good way to tinker around in my programming and see what's rattling around and all.

3:33 a.m.

Shpongle is on the radio...so nice. Takes me mind to a comfortable place...as I lay down and let the music take me away from the land of words for a bit.

4:20 a.m.

Did my thang to praise the good plant after relaxing with my eyes closed for a long time. There has been a definite drop off in the level of intensity of what I am experiencing. I feel more grounded...sadly less in touch with my subtle energy bodies. I have most of my sober faculties about now, whereas before I was literally overwhelmed by the rapid fire nature of my thoughts, as well as being confused at the tangential nature of my thoughts, hot and swimming like a fever. What I have been experiencing for the past hour or so with my eyes closed, I can't really remember. Cascading hypnagogic imagery started to wrap my mind in the fabric of dreams. I actually felt as if I would have nodded off if my dog hadn’t sighed loudly through his nose, scaring the bejessus outta me. I imagine sleep will come easily though when I am finally ready to put my head down today. I have sight bit of jaw tension, but can probably just lie back down and breath it away.

5:15 a.m.

I am crackin myself up watching this movie I made today about microwavin marsh mellow Peeps. I can’t help but compare my experience tonight with that of the Peep in the microwave, as I think about how I felt that intense inner energy overflowing in me earlier tonight. I am that peep, over-bursting with life force. Fat on the flow of life and ready to live largely! I can’t wait to watch the sun rise over the lake next to my house. And who knows where today is gonna go...

I feel this chemical is a rather good match for me. I look forward to further explorations.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 32751
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 20, 2004	Views: 15,153
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4-AcO-MiPT (312) : Alone (16), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)