DOSE:

repeated

inhaled

Inhalants

BODY WEIGHT:

64 kg

[Erowid Note: Our understanding of the literature is that there is no such thing as safe recreational use of volatile solvents, aerosols and other street inhalants : their psychoactive effects are inseparable from nerve and organ damage. We have chosen to include these reports to help document the real world use of inhalants, but their inclusion is not intended to imply that they are anything but dangerous.]

how to start a description of what has changed my life forever it seems, is hard. As Jim morrison once said 'drugs are a bet with your MIND'. I found this out the niave and hard way when I decided to purchase a can of lighter fluid to get stoned. I had used inhalents before when I was about thirteen, and now I was nineteen and depressed over my girlfriend dumping me.

I waited until I went to bed and the lights were out. Only the street lights gave a sense of perspective through my window.I started to inhale from the can and the familiar warm liquid feeling that i remembered started to flow into my mind. My voice felt deep and the more i inhaled the deeper it became. I then came to what I describe as the 'bom,bom bom bom' sounding square feeling in my mind. It was usually here where I would stop inhaling and wait for the effects to wear off. unfortunately I was depressed like I said and I just wanted to break all bounds of reality in a sence. I continued to inhale until I apparently passed out.

whilst I was out cold I had a disturbing vision that I was floating as just my senses in what seemed like space. I turned my perception to the left and saw an inverted pyramid syphoning away and in it I heard the screams of my mother and younger sister. They couldn't seem to escape. I then turned to my right and saw a huge barbed-wire fence with three enormous silouhetted creatures on the other side motioning me to follow them. Just then I came out of the dream as the butane was wearing off. I had never felt any thing so real and yet strangely familiar as that occurence.

I had to get back there and so I inhaled again until I passed out. sure enough the three giant creatures were still there but now walking away from the fence. My senses decided to leap the fence and follow into the dark wilderness. AS soon as I had jumped it I landed in what seemed Like a boxing arena. I could hear what sounded like a vast audience of strange cheers and I knew I was the main attraction. I could see and feel what seemed like light shining on me but there was no aparent source. Suddenly a booming voice shuddered my senses by saying 'WELCOME TO THE GAMBLE OF LIFE, DO YOU WISH TO TAKE THE CHALLENGE?' At the end of the statement I came to again and found my self back in my bed.

I was so curious, frightened and yet excited by how real this butane induced alternate reality felt. I should have stopped there and I would never have recieved the ongoing fear in life that the next part gave me. I inhaled once again until I passed out, and sure enough I found myself in the galactic style boxing arena again. The voice asked the question again and I decided I wanted to take the gamble. Immediately I knew how to play. All I had to do was let my senses be aware of each of the four corners of the boxing ring as they tried to spring up to hit me.

The first ring corner sprang up at me like a jack in the box, but since I was aware of this I defeated it. The next two I defeated as well. By this time I was starting to think that I was going to win the gamble of life. How wrong I was to make such a premature assumption, for as I was thinking this I turned a fraction too late and the fourth ring corner caught me unaware. The impact smashed my five senses in all directions. 'BOINK, NOW YOU'RE GONE, NOW YOU'RE GONE, NOW YOU'RE GONE' was stuffed into my being. It was all I could hear, it was all I could taste, it was all I could smell, it was all I was, for I had lost the precious gamble of life. The nuclear holocost between my mental, physical and spiritual being had finally arrived. 'Space' had turned to 'fill'. I was paralysed in what could only be described as the labrynth beneath heaven's gate. With that the voice continued 'you humans thought you were right but you were all wrong. Now you are here for eternity, eternity, eternity.'

By the love of Christ I woke up and suddenly remembered that it was all just a butane dream. It seemed so real I could not help but cry hysterically. After half an hour or so, I calmed down and started to rationalise what I had experienced. I came to the conclusion the only way to cure my predicament was to once again enter the realms of Boink land (as I now call it). I started to inhale the butane again and suddenly as a car honked outside, I sprung up like clock work, realising the inherent connectedness of all the five senses- 'The car honked, the light flickered, I jumped as the clock tickered.' As this happened, I put my hand on the wall and reality as I knew it literally shattered apart. It was like a crystal cracking. Everything faded to nothingness. I, for the first time ever, comprehended the cemented hollowness of eternity.

Thank god I came back out of it. Thank god the butane had worn off. This was the end of my youthful innocence and the start of my battle with Boink Land, commonly misunderstood as a mental disorder. I have done time in mental institutions since this and I have not dared to smoke pot since it sends me straight to Boink Land as well as butane.

I have always perceived butane as a non-intelligent drug when compared with substances such as peyote or shrooms. But it alone was capable of shattering my view of the world forever. I have already referred to Morrison's statement that drugs are a bet with your mind -- but never realised how high the stakes could be.

Exp Year: 1995	ExpID: 3476
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 24, 2001	Views: 39,171
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Inhalants (29) : Alone (16), Post Trip Problems (8), Depression (15), General (1)