DOSE:

repeated

smoked

Methamphetamine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

I'm not sure what real help my report can be but I think its important to put it in the archives anyway. That way my experience can be at least quickly scanned over by someone after I'm no longer around. As I'm typing this I've probably ingested about a half gram of meth today. In particular, maybe ten hits out of one of my two glass bongs in the last hour or so.

I've been on the 'shit' full time now for about two years or so. I've lost alot of things in my life and I'm reasonably sure alot of it is attributed to me being on speed. However at the same time, I believe that meth has awakened a side of me that was dormant for years and that is my artistic side. That probably sounds pretty funny to you because I'm sure you have heard that before or something along those lines. Anyhow I won't comment further on that subject for now.

To understand what my mindset is, well basically I'm glued to the fucking computer and have been in some form stuck back here in my office since 3pm and it is now 11:30 p.m. That is what happens when on meth which I am on it everyday so this is my life baby. I basically get alot of things done but are they the right things that I need to be doing for my life, to accomplish my goals or are they meaningful (at the time) but inappropriate for someone in my situation. Definitely probably no...what is the answer to that. Fuck if I know.

I say I'm not high but I must be really high because I don't even have a clue on what the purpose of this writing is. To describe what its like to be on ice I guess. Sometimes its great, it makes you strangely horny, not evil horny just horny you know. And although most people report not being able to eat, well I beg to differ. I'm starving now and always unfortunately I don't have any cash because of the one side effect (I think) of ice that I fucking hate and that is gambling. I gamble on horses and at the casinos here in Southern California all the time and that (not ice per se) is what has ruined my life and made my life so fucking hard.

I do notice alot of the same side effects that I read about from smoking speed but believe me there is some rational reasons why people persist in this activity. There is a mental connection with the universe that I feel, like I am in touch with my soul and universal forces like karma and luck. Not in a delusionary way, I know what is real and what's not. But still, a connection is felt; to my dead relatives who I see in pictures, to the past, to the poor oppressed murdered I see on the internet. I feel a great deal of sadness at times on this drug. I feel alot of sympathy for the plight of others past and present. Things like the holocaust have sickened me and caused me to lose faith in concepts such as the personal God, you know the idea that God loves each of us on a personal basis and cares about each and every one of us. That's hard to accept after all of the pictures I've seen and stories I've read about Hitler and WWII in general. I haven't heard anything to combat my thoughts on this level but nonetheless I still believe in God and that he loves me and I'm hoping that there is a rational explanation as to why He would let things like that happen.

Just to have thoughts along those lines is relatively new to me and that is why I say that meth has opened up an artistic or real side to my personality. At the same time, lets be honest here, the drug has fucked me up big time. I don't exercise anymore, for whatever reason be it drugs or gambling or both, my electricity is turned off, I don't have a home phone, there is no food in this house, I don't have a car or a job or any clean clothes, I haven't brushed my teeth in a long time. I shower only sporadically. I do have those 'speed bumps' and I try at times to squeeze them like zits except they are impossible to get out. And believe me again, this is no delusion, there really is some kind of a hard kind of like a blackhead substance in those bumps but you can't get it out no matter what. It's so fucked.

So yeah, meth. Great stuff. Sure. You know where I live? In Long Beach, California. Guess what? This might be the glass capital of the world I swear. Every time I turn around I meet another ice head. There is a store that sells glass pipes literally three hundred yards from my house. For cheap. I can get the shit from maybe twenty or thirty different people, usually for free or close to free. I truly haven't spent much money on this drug. It lasts a pretty long time and doesn't make me jones out like I do on coke. Its got legs I like to say. Which to me means when I think it's gone it's not.

October 21, 2004
at Long Beach, California

Age 36
Caucausian Male with AA, BA and MBA degrees

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 37644
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 4, 2007	Views: 7,870
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Methamphetamine (37) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Not Applicable (38)