My friends all hate it, but I never get to see them because they're away at school. They're smart, I should be there too. But I see the guys at work everyday, and I can get the shit too easily. I went to an elite Prep high school and was bound for a college in Switzerland, when I decided to stay home to work, and later, to smoke crack and snort coke. I can't resist, and then I hate myself and cry to my friends for doing it and promise to them and to myself I'll stop. And I'm really sorry and I really want to stop, and then I do it again without any real hesitation. I'm 19 and I'm addicted to them both, and the longer I go without them, the more I want to do them. I know this is how it will always be, which is why they say you're always an addict once you begin.

I've not come all night before so I could sniff a 1/4 oz in a matter of hours, and then my nose looked like a bell pepper and I couldn't breathe or talk. The doctor cringed when he looked inside the next day. My brand new car is going to get repo'ed and all my phones and my pager and credit cards are going to be taken away because I spent all my money on it. I don't have any friends anymore, because they tell me they'll talk to me as soon as I've been sober for a month, but I can't even stay straight for more than a few weeks. I want to die, I want to OD, I want it all to end, because I know I'll never be able to stop this or shake the feeling, even with detox and rehab. I told my friends when they still spoke to me never to even try this shit. And I hope they don't. You shouldn't either.

Exp Year: 2000	ExpID: 3818
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 4, 2001	Views: 21,898
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Crack (82), Cocaine (13) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)