DOSE:			Cannabis	(daily)
	repeated		Mushrooms
	repeated		MDMA

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

Since I first smoked weed when I was about 15, I’ve been fascinated by drugs and getting fucked off them. Although I’ve never tried any real hardcore drugs like heroin or crack, or even acid, I’ve had some pretty powerful experiences. To my surprise though, I’ve come to realise - 6 years after my first experience - that weed is the probably the most powerful drug I’ve ever had. And now, in the wake of several experiences of other drugs like shrooms and E, I’ve come to appreciate how much of a hold weed has had on me. The experience I’m setting out here is not of a particular night or session, but of the things I’ve learned from the past 5/6 years of getting high off various substances.

I'll give a brief background of what has led me to the thoughts I feel today. When I was about 15/16 years old I fell for weed. Or to be more accurate - I fell for the image that surrounds weed. I wanted to be a weedhead long before I really was. Back then I only smoked weed every now and then, not regularly at all, and I loved it. Most of my mates were more interested in getting pissed and going round town at weekends. By the time I got to uni at the age of 18 I was getting pretty bored of waking up with a hangover every weekend and feeling shit for whole days at a time, so I started smoking more weed. This, over the next few months, eventually led to me kind of abandoning my drinking friends and adopting a new crew who were mostly stoners. And from there I started smoking weed every day. For the next two and a half years I did nothing but get stoned day in day out, and I thought nothing of it, it was just what I did. It didn't affect my progress at uni and I made several good friends in that time. It wasn't until I started trying other drugs that I realised that smoking weed everyday wasn’t such a good idea.

The first time I realised this was when I tried shrooms for the first time. The shrooms experience was fucking magical, I had them with one of my best mates and we basically just laughed our way through the night, feeling proper nice. But that night, after the high started to wear off, I started to get quite introspective. Me and my mate stopped our giddy, childish antics and basically just sat, still and silent, staring at the t.v. smoking copius amounts of weed to fill the vacuum that the now departed shroom buzz had left. During this introspection I examined my life closely and realised that there were a lot of things I should change about myself, not least that I should smoke less weed. However, when I woke up the next morning I had kind of forgot (or was sub-consciously ignoring) my decision to smoke less weed, so I continued to blaze every day.

After that initial experience I had a few more sessions with shrooms, and at the end of each one, where everybody goes quiet and starts thinking about themselves I had the same notions that I had to change something in my life, but I always ignored this the next day.

Eventually the time came for me to try pills. I had been wary about this because I liked to think of myself as someone who only touched 'natural' drugs, like weed and shrooms, but I thought 'fuck it' and had the pills anyway. The immediate thing I noticed about E is that it feels fucking extraordinarily good. I was in awe of the feeling, but it doesn’t last. On that first night on pills I had 2 and a half, and was proper GUTTED every time the buzz started to subside, when we ran out of pills the only thing I could do to keep myself from feeling so down was to blaze as much weed as possible, which only helped a bit. After that night and a few other experiences with pills I began to realise that after the initial come up I was basically just chasing the high, and although by dropping more pills I can re-achieve that high I am only putting off the inevitable comedown, which I fucking hated. So I decided to give pills a rest for a while.

The thing is, after experiencing pills I began to realise that the effects of pills are actually quite similar to the effects of weed, only obviously a lot stronger. I also began to realise that I don't really get stoned off weed anymore, it had just become a very familiar and warm feeling, more of a habit than a necessity. So I resolved to smoke less. This I found very hard. In fact I simply couldn't go a day without blazing. My will power was just not strong enough. I came to the realisation that weed, like all drugs, altered my brain chemistry and that smoking every day must surely have some adverse affect on the brain in the long run. But still I couldn’t stop.

I continued with this 'wanting to stop but can't' feeling for a couple of months. The breakthrough came when randomly last Friday night my mate got some pills. I wasn't going to have any, thinking of my decision to give them a break a couple of months back, but when my mates started dropping and we were about to go to a rave I thought 'fuck it might as well', so I just had half and saved the other half for at the rave. This turned out to be a bit of a mistake because I didn’t feel anything off that first half and only felt buzzed for about half an hour off the second half. This led to me being on a bit of a downer at the rave and I didn’t really enjoy it, so I told my mates I was going home, they all agreed that was a good idea and came too. Bear in mind they had all been drinking on the pills and were pretty wrecked at this point and didn't really care what they where doing.

So we got home and I immediatly dropped another pill and packed a fucking huge bong. As soon as I finished the contents of the bong I could feel the familiar warmth of the pills and the weed returning. This was at about 2.15 AM, and my mates were all wrecked beyond belief, and I was getting there quickly. Soon I found my self properly fucked and me and one of my mates were quickly working our way through the remaining pills. As usual, the feelings I was getting beggared belief and smoking weed made it all feel even better. We were up till about 9 the next morning before we got to sleep, and I only managed a few uncomfortable hours on the sofa.

But the next day, despite my lack of sleep, I felt clear, clearer than I had ever felt the day after getting E'd up. Although the waves of depression were lapping at the back of my mind I had a renewed sense of optimism about my life. I realised that I had been wasting a lot of time smoking weed every night - chasing the high, just like with pills. And resolved that I simply MUST slow down my weed intake. And I have to say, that was only a few days ago, but it has had a profound effect on me. The night after the pills I only had one smoke from a bong, the following night I had two, but last night I actually managed to restrain completely. I slept ok, feel good today, and have renewed confidence about my ability to stop smoking weed.

I don’t have anything against weed, and I don’t intend to completely cut it out of my life, I just want to reduce it to a sensible level, like just blazing at weekends. And after the illuminating thoughts that other drugs like shrooms and pills have given me, I feel that I am more than capable of achieving this goal. Drugs are a very important part of my life and I hope I will have many more powerful and insightful experiences, but I’m going to pick the time/place for these experiences very carefully and use drugs in more of a medicinal and spiritual way rather than simply just to get fucked up.

I never thought for a minute that by taking more drugs I would come to this realisation, but I have, and now I’m on a clearer path. I can see my future more clearly and can appreciate that the things we do now are the basis of things that happen in the future. I thank shrooms and E's for making me realise things that I probably would never have realised had I not experienced them.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 40404
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 30, 2008	Views: 7,908
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Cannabis (1) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)