DOSE:

insufflated

Methamphetamine

(daily)

This experience is what I often refer to as, MY LIFE. Although interestingly upside down, I am sure nobody here wants my biography. I will save you from the dull details of my mere exsistance and enlighten you with only the details of the good, the bad, and the EVIL that I fell in love with so many years ago. You may know it as methamphetamine.

When we were kids running the streets talking sh**, I do not believe we ever imagined we would end up this way. Dependant on a substance other then food and water and in such a different way. The physical withdrawl may not be deadly, but it is wicked and uncomfortable, as well as inconvienient for a working single mother (I do not have the option of staying in bed for a week to sleep it off). Even so, the physical part is the easy part, so I have recently discovered. I always use to think it was the other way around. The dependancy that grows with meth use is worse then that of horoein or MORE physically addicting drugs. The true challenge arises in the battle of self I wage against the meth once I decide to quite. Once the dizzy mornings and the tunnel effect subsides and the narcoleptic trances have come to pass, that is when the real battle begins.

The beauty of meth and other amphetamines is it keeps all its promises (in the beginning). When I am high I am able to concentrate and create. My sense of self is great and my ability to do and do well in overwhelming. If you are overweight, not only does meth surpress your appetite but it gives you the energy and motivation to exersize. Before you know it your size sixteens are a size seven and you're on top of the world. Suddenly there are more hours in a day to; study, do household chores, hang out, take in a hobby or anything a hectic life wouldn't before allow because of the need for 7-10 hours of sleep every day. For anyone with emotional issues or a low self confidence meth somehow fills the hole that has always been there. I became more asertive and confident. I felt so good about myself other peoples opinions ceased to matter. I did not realize that I was being set up until I was already convinced meth was the greatest thing ever invented.

It may take three years it may take twenty at either rate the end result is the same. My body took so much abuse from malnutrition and sleep deprivation even if I was able to eat and sleep on dope by this point, remember what I'd been putting into my system and how it had been composed? The chemicals, over time will poison and it may not kill someone, but the effects are not pretty. Through the duration of use the metabolism is hyped up and going just as fast as the rest of the body, thus the aging process is hastened as well. Muscle aches and weight gain are the least of the worries. Quite often one's teeth begin to fall out and one can develope any number of skin infections that do not heal very well. Myth has it the skin infections only occur in slammers (iv users, needle users). But as a sniffer who has expirienced it, I beg to differ. With the exception of the tooth loss after quitting the body will usually rejuvinate itself. But the scars are forever.

Once an addict always an addict? I fell in love with meth the first time I tried meth. The obsession grew deeper with every line I snorted. It is not only a psychological addiction it is an emotional hold that develops. It took 13 years for my down slide to really begin all though bits and pieces of my life were faltering slowly along the way. I became obsessive cumpulsive and gambled. My finances suffered in that way. Drugs were not expensive themselves, but when I'd do a line and put my paycheck in a poker machine because I was too high to walk away thats expensive. I lost my morals and became a nympho which wouldn't be too bad except when I was too high I didn't also make good calls on safety in sex. I was lucky there thank god I didn't end up pregnant by a stranger or infected with some disease. And although I hated who and what I had become and I knew the drugs were the underlying cause of my problems A-Z I couldn't quit. It isn't about will power so much with meth. It isn't really about the desire to quit. I can want it like nothing I've known but I am helpless to the emotional hold it has over me. I fell apart without it sooner or later after every attempt at sobriety my ability to deal with everyday turmoil let alone any major issues was non existant. I had no coping skills except one GET HIGH.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 40424
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 22, 2007	Views: 9,336
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Methamphetamine (37) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)