DOSE:

1 capsl

oral

MDMA

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

4:30AM, about 12 hours since I popped the X, and I feel a hundred years older and in no condition for school tomorrow. And what makes it so much worse is that tomorrow is Halloween.

'Bout 3 weeks ago, my friends and I were chillaxin' at school, since we all had spares, and all of a sudden Turtle's like 'Anybody up for some White X? Bear will hook us up.' I have been experimenting with drugs (shrooms, ecstasy, hash, weed) for about 4 months and I was very excited for another chance to try out ecstasy, since my last E experience was fucking excellent. I had half a cap of White X, the same Bear was gonna get us, so of course, I was like, 'Me! Me! I want E!' and everybody was gathering 'round Turtle like a bunch of baby chicks being fed by their mother hen.

I've met Bear a couple of times, and he's an alright person, sold me about 1.5 grams of the best weed I've ever smoked for $5, at a summer picnic a couple of months back. He wouldn't fuck us all over, considering he was real tight with Turtle.

I received the E about 2 weeks later, kinda sucks, but the teachers were on strike and Turtle had no way of contacting me. It didn't matter as long as he had it safe with him, and that was no problem since Turtle was about the most trustworthy person I've ever met. He had already done the E, he told me, but I don't recall remembering him telling me how it was. Now it occurs to me that he would have told me that it was good if it was. Considering he didn't say jack shit, guess it wasn't that great for him.

Yesterday, which was a Sunday, I went over to my best friend's apartment. I had not done the E and it had been stuffed in my wallet in a ziplock bag for a week and it was just totally burning a hole in my pocket, so I decided to take it. First I asked my bud if she wanted to split it and she declined. She wasn't a harsh straight-edger or nothing, she's done coke before but she just said no.

It was one of those ordinary-sized ziplock bags, the kind my mom packs my sandwich in, and the E having been stuffed in my wallet for a week, it had broken up into a fine powder. So I shook the bag so that all the powder gathered up in a corner and I snipped that corner off with a pair of scissors and I poured that shit into my mouth. UGH. Worst tasting shit in the world. I am so glad I didn't rail that shit, like my other friend told me I should, but I'm actually so glad I didn't. My nose would have like, shriveled up like a dead flower. Scrunching up my face, I ran over to the kitchen and got some tap water and poured it in my mouth and swallowed. Then I got the ziplock bag and I licked it all up while glancing at the clock (it was 2:30).

The purpose of going over to my friend's place was to take a bath in her tub. God, she had a gorgeous apartment, her place is soooooooo nice, and her bathroom is just utterly fucking awesome, it's like a fucking palace in there, and her tub is fucking huge, it's like, 'Whoa.' So I stripped off all my clothes and jumped in her sparkly-clean white-as-fuck tub full of nice green hot water and let the E kick in. My friend joined me and we started giggling and shaving and due to my sillyness, I accidentally skinned my leg, 'stead of shaving it. Fucker wouldn't quit bleeding, it just bled and bled and bled and it looked pretty bad too, but not bad enough to go to the hospital. So I was like, 'Fuck this, I ain't no baby, I can handle this shit' and just let it bleed in the water, blood and green water swirling around my leg, it was actually a really pretty sight.

So we kept on shaving and talking and we finished up after about 20 minutes and my leg was still bleeding. Then I got really dizzy as I stood up in the tub to get out. I could barely balance and I just sat back down, my eyes trying to adjust, eyes just jiggling and like rolling all over the place. I mentioned to my friend that I didn't feel too good, and she put a bandaid on my leg. It made me feel good, but I was still feeling kind of weird, so I laid down on her bed completely naked just all spaced out, watching the ceiling spin, trying to get my eyes to stay still.

Then I started seeing stuff and harsh grinding my teeth, like I saw Renaissance angels on the ceiling, you know like the ones in the paintings with all the heavenly colours, they were still but they were kind of like sticking out of the ceiling but they weren't moving. I told my friend and I don't think she believed me. I didn't think I believed myself. It bothered me that she didn't believe me. I asked for her to join me, she was still in the bathroom fixing her hair, and she told me to just wait. It pissed me off. Time seemed to go on forever, I didn't want to wait for her anymore, I just couldn't stand it. I hugged her stuffed toys and waited for her. Finally she came, and she put on some X-Mal Deutschland.

I just like, started dancing. The music sounded SO FUCKING GOOD, like it took over my body. The beat was just heavenly, I was SO feeling it. All I needed was music. I barely even noticed my friend, it was just me and the music. I wanted it louder, I wanted the music to fill up my insides and cover me, but my bud told me it was too loud and she gave me her IPod to listen to. It was heaven. I started skanking naked to Dischord. Then she got out her camera and filmed me and I didn't even care that the camera was there or that I had no clothes on, it was just me and the music.

Still dancing, I moved to the music over to the kitchen and got some water. Occasionally I would drink the water, but every time I picked up the cup to drink it, I would spill it all over the place, since my arms wouldn't stop moving to the music. I couldn't even control myself. It was heaven on earth. I loved music and I loved dancing but that was NOTHING compared to what I felt.

I danced for like the longest time, about an hour, I'd say, but it just felt to me like it was going on forever. Occasionally I would get some bad vibes from my friend. I could tell she was kind of upset, she was on MSN and talking to her people and I guess one of them pissed her off or something. I didn't even have to be in the room with her, like I could feel the bad energies emitting from her being. So I just left the room and later on I got fed up with her being sad, it was bringing me down too. I demanded her to disconnect her Internet and I dragged her away from the computer and I told her to let go of all her bad feelings and dance with me, just feel the music. She just couldn't get into it. She wasn't in the same place I was in. I hugged her and I kissed her but she wasn't in the same place. I hurt inside. I left her alone, she was madly pedaling away on her exercise bike, I could hear what she was thinking 'Go faster fatty,' I could hear her calling herself fat in her head so I told her she wasn't fat 'cos she just isn't, and I kept on dancing.

Then my bud took off the IPod from me and I was like 'Whatchu do that for!?' and she was like 'I want you to hear this song' and it was sooooo good, so fucking mellow, I was just groovin' to the music, just kind of moving kind of like a snake, we listened to it for like hours. Then she started feeling bad again and I turned off the music and was like, 'Let's talk.' We laid on her bed and talked about life after death and the new world order, it was strange, like I usually talk in this loud, obnoxious way, but I was speaking very softly, very gently and soothingly.

It was like 7, and I was coming down. I could feel it. I had to go home, also, and I called my mom over to pick me up. In the car, I tried to talk to my mom but she had some barriers. It just wasn't working, which made me feel utterly terrible. I was grinding my teeth worse than ever, and my jaws were aching like fuckdamn. When I got home, I went straight to bed, despite that it was only like 7:30, it wasn't that I was exhausted, it was just that I was starting to feel like complete utter shit. Then my dad started yelling at me about my other friend's knife that I stole that I left on my table, growling at me 'Why do you have a knife blah blah blah' and he confiscated it, and I went to bed pissed off.

During the night, ever since about 12AM, I just kept on waking up, I'd say once every hour or so, fucking terrified and covered in sweat, finding that I was still grinding my teeth even in my sleep. I having flashes from a couple of hours ago and my head was replaying the songs that I was listening to on the IPod, especially Strawberry Fields Forever by the Beatles and you know it's a good song, but at the end when they play things backwards and stuff it's fucking scary, and it was just playing over and over and over and over again in my head and I couldn't get it to stop, so I lay in bed eyes wide fucking open, staring at nothing, stuck in this uncomfortable position 'cos I'm fucking scared to move.

I fell asleep then I awoke again, I lied in bed paralyzed, my head torturing me with frightening thoughts for about an hour. I was feeling like shit, lying in bed and I told myself I'd rather die than go through this shit again. Fucking Strawberry Fields Forever stuck in my head, like actually, Strawberry Fields FOREVER. More like Burning Hell Satan Fields FOREVER. I was feeling so fucking crappy, I started thinking what's the point of living, I might as well kill myself. I wasn't sad or anything, but if there was a loaded gun beside my bed, I would have shot myself in the mouth. What scares me is that I'm not exaggarating.

By 4:30AM, I finally worked up the courage to get up and go on the computer to empty my head and to get that goddamned outro of Strawberry Fields Forever out of my fucking head.

Now that I think about it, I don't think it was much too bad of an experience. But I think next time, I'll do it by myself or just have other people do it with me; I can't have people being upset around me, like even the slightest bit upset, and I didn't even have to be in the same fucking room to know. And as for the crash, I will try to get some other substance to soften the blow. And I will have something to keep my mouth busy on, like a pacifier or something, my jaws ache so bad right now.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 47523
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 22, 2008	Views: 10,266
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