DOSE:

Heroin

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

121 lb

My first experience with Heroin, came when my best friend and my boyfriend had finally convinced me into doing it. My best friend had been doing it for about 5 months before I first did it, I was so mad at her and so against her for doing it. She always tried to get me to try it, but I just wouldnt do it. But then I got with my boyfriend, and I loved him and I trusted him and I was sure that as long as he said it was okay, it was okay. So my best friend got her, me and him each a $20 bag that night. I was so nervous right before I did it, my stomach was in knots. Then I sniffed not even half the vile, and in about 3 minutes, I had the best feeling I've ever felt. I didn't wanna move, I didn't wanna talk, I just wanted to lay there and feel that way forever. I didn't care about anyone or anything around me. I was sure nothing could ever compare to the way I felt that night. So after that, I kept doing it, I bought a $10 bag everyday. Me and my boyfriend did it everyday. At first, I was always getting sick. Everytime I did it and usually more than once. But it felt so good when I did, afterwards I felt so relived and was more fucked up than before I puked. So for about 3 months I was getting it everyday and for some reason, when I didn't have it, it didn't bother me and my tolerance never went up. Then we just both decided to stop, cold turkey and we did.

Then in June, the beginning of the summer..my best friend came over and asked if I wanted to split one with her, and I did. Its now December and I've been doing it ever since. I've had soo many awesome experiences with dope. At first I was only doing it on the weekends, it was just a casual thing. Then it turned into an everyday thing. Eventually every paycheck I was getting was all going on heroin. And I was still borrowing money from my parents. $40 every 2 days, I did one bag a day and at the end that wasn't doing much of anything. Then my boyfriend speedballed and almost died, and that still didn't even scare me. It scared him and he hasn't touched it since. But I was convinced it would never happen to me. I know so many people that have ruined their lives because of dope, even my best friend. Shes not at alll the person she used to be. I missed what my life used to be like. But I loved being fucked up. Not giving a damn about anything. That's what I looked forward to everyday, getting fucked up. And when I didn't get it..I was the biggest bitch ever. I was mean to everyone, including my boyfriend. I didn't wanna move, eat or anything until I got my fix that day. And it was so easy for me to get, one phone call and he was here. It just turned me into a totally different person. I would've never thought I would've ended up doing dope.

Luckily for me I never went thru much of a withdrawl. It was mainly mental for me, I just felt like I needed it everyday to stay alive. It was the only thing that made me happy. And I could be all alone forever on that shit and I didn't care. I had that. My boyfriend threatened to leave me so many times because of it, but I never stopped. I wasn't ready to and I knew when I was ready I would. Then my dealer got put in jail. He got caught with 30 viles of heroin. And that's when I decided I wasn't going to do it everyday anymore. I wanted to stop. Because I knew if I went anywhere else I would just get so ripped off. So I've only done it once this month, the other night in fact.

Heroin is the best feeling in the world. And that's what gets people addicted. No matter what, for the rest of their life they know, that nothing will ever make them feel so free and so good. Its just like an intense nothingness. You cant even describe it. Even tho I got sick so many times..it was all worth it, it was a small price to pay for that amazing feeling. I know nothing I will ever do will ever compare to doing dope. And that is what will keep me doing it probably for the rest of my life.

Looking back now, I wonder if my best friend and my boyfriend loved me as much as they said they did. Why did they get me into it? I would never get anyone into this shit. Its just not worth it, its just like killing someone pretty much.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 48904
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 21, 2017	Views: 1,950
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Heroin (27) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)