DOSE:

smoked

PCP

(plant material)

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

The very first time I smoked PCP it actually was pleasant. It was kind of like being high after smoking marijuana but without the lazy feeling I sometimes get. I felt happy, energetic and I didn't get the munchies. When I walked it felt like my feet were sinking into the ground a little and I had an all over fuzzy feeling. But a lot of times I caught myself repeating what I said and did over and over again and for some reason I also felt like I could tell the future or I felt like I was going through deja vu.

But the majority of times I've smoke PCP after the first time, I can truly say I never want to fuck with PCP ever again. It was July of 2005 and I had just come back from Las Vegas and wanted to meet up with my friend Jen because both of us hadn't smoked pot in a long time. But for some reason we thought it was a good idea to buy some PCP just to mix it in a little because the other times that we've mixed it with marijuana it was really really nice, without the repeating everything. Like an idiot, I asked Jen if she wanted to try the PCP without marijuana and she said ok. I told her about a few bad trips I've had but they weren't as bad as the one we were about to experience in about 30 mins.

So Jen and I walk over a bridge to get to the park on the other side of the Henry Hudson Parkway. I remember hearing Jen murmur the time, which was 7:35. I start rolling the PCP. I'm not sure what form PCP originally comes in but the type that I smoked looked like it was tobacco or oregano but black. The smell of PCP was thick, chemically smell. It smelled like something that’s not supposed to be smoked. Every time I caught a wiff of PCP it gave me a little feeling of nausea. Ugh it was a disgusting smell.

I finished rolling the blunt and started lighting it as Jen and I walked towards these columns in a secluded area of the park. The taste was just as bad as the smell and it was kind of hard to take in big hits. Then this feeling of happiness and relaxation came over my body and I felt like I was a spring bouncing around lazily. But after a while I felt like I needed to sit down because walking was starting to get difficult. Jen and I sat down on the floor along a stone wall.

As soon I sat done my high became a total contradiction. I could see, but at the same time I couldn’t see shit except for huge black and grey blotches. I could hear things but then I couldn’t. Jen kept telling me “Yo, we’re fucked up” and for some reason it felt like she was talking inside me, like I could hear her in my head. My head felt extremely heavy and I was having a hard time keeping it up but the few times that I managed to keep it up, I noticed that every time a car passed by, its sound came like 2 minutes later. For some reason I felt the need to empty out my bag and put everything back in. I remember another time I smoked angel dust my friend Lora did the same thing.

These were all physical effects.

The way I felt mentally was horrible. I remember sitting on the floor and staring at my bag and thinking I was going to be sitting on the side of a highway like a piece of trash forever. I felt worthless, I felt like I had no one in my life. At one point my cell rang and I remember looking at the caller ID and it said “Mommy” and I thought “Mommy? I have a mother? Who’s Olga? (Olga is my mom’s name)”. I felt like I was adopted and had no one in my life. Like an immigrant who came to a country and had no family members or friends in it. It was the most horrible feeling you could ever experience. A true feeling of hopelessness. Jen was obviously feeling the same thing because she ended up calling her cousin who happened to be drunk…Then she called her ex boyfriend asking him to find us b/c we didn’t know where we were (when really, if we were sober, we’d know exactly where we were.)

The only thing Jen and I managed to say was “We’re so fucked up, did I just say that a minute ago? I feel so lost, I’m confused. Is this real? Am I real? Where are we, whats my name?”. I felt like I was going in circles. It also felt like 8 hours had passed….Jen and I somehow sobered up a little but but we were really dizzy.

So Jen and I got up b/c I spotted her ex walking towards us from the distance…As we were walking, Jen and I couldn’t stop talking about how happy we were to be sobering up. But then out of nowhere I stopped dead in my tracks, told Jen to hold on a minute, looked over and threw up without warning. I didn’t even get a warning. By then my nausea went away and I felt like my sanity was coming back little by little.

I asked Jen for the time and it was 8:12. So that means our high from hell only lasted about 40 mins. I couldn’t believe how fucking long it felt while I was sitting on the floor thinking about how I was a failure and how no one will ever find me. It felt like eternity. Describing how I felt is really hard. But imagine all the bad feelings you could have, like shame, hollowness, worthlessness, hopelessness, like you had no identity, like no one will ever understand you. I remember telling Jen that I wanted to die because all those feelings was enough to make me jump off the other side of the wall down to the downtown side of the Henry Hudson Parkway.

As Jen’s ex approached us he asked if we were drunk and then he said that we have a very blank look in our eyes and that we look soulless.

Thank god Jen and I also bought a dime of haze to smoke b/c after I sobered up, I felt like a wreck. I felt cracked out, and I was actually shaking a little bit. So I rolled another blunt and as I was rolling, Jen told me that the blunt smelled like angel dust… Before you know it, Jen runs towards the stone wall on the side of the highway and starts throwing up. Like I said already, thank god we had another blunt. It’s just what we needed.

When I smoke marijuana, I don’t really feel the effects it has on my brain until a little later after smoking a lot. But with PCP I can feel the effects almost immediately. My vision got weird. I’d read things backwards or read things that aren’t there. I’d sometimes see black blotches out of nowhere. Sometimes I thought someone said something to me even though they didn’t. My memory got really bad too. I’d stop in mid sentence because the point I was trying to make while talking would all of a sudden disappear. I felt a lot stupider. Even now sometimes my mind goes ape shit on me and it’s already seven months later.

PCP for guys though must be different because every time a guy has told me about their experience with PCP they told me that they get violent and if they smoke a lot (like an ex boyfriend of mine who’s a Dust Bunny) their sexual performance isn’t as good and it takes them ages to get erect and to orgasm.

I can honestly say that I do not want to smoke Angel Dust/PCP ever again. That is the number one drug I regret coming across. Maybe with marijuana the high is more enjoyable but you sober up quickly and there goes your marijuana high too. PCP smells bad, and really fucks me up badly afterwards. It’s not even that enjoyable honestly. I know people who smoke PCP like they’re cigarettes and It’s sad because even when they’re sober they have a lifeless look in their eyes and they talk as if they’ve fried they’re brains completely even though they might of only been smoking PCP for a year. I wouldn’t want to continue doing a drug which high’s only last 30 mins, makes you feel horrible and stinks like chemicals.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 49500
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 16, 2017	Views: 9,918
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PCP (113) : Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)