DOSE: T+ 0:00	repeated	oral	Alcohol	(liquid)
T+ 0:00	1 tablet	oral	MDMA	(pill / tablet)
T+ 0:15	1 tablet	oral	MDMA	(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

90 kg

After talking to a friend of mine about drugs, we decided to take XTC (MDMA) that night. We went to our favorite (and only, damn this rural town) club and took a pill. About fifteen minutes later he said he had some pills in his wallet, so we took one from his supply as well. I didn't know how much MDMA the pills contained, I wasn't interested: I already was drunk.

Our ways separated and both of us went talking to some other friends. It was after, say, 45 minutes untill the pills kicked in hard. I was a little drunk, but the effects of the MDMA wiped out all the effects of alcohol. My mood lifted immediately and I had the biggest smile on my face I'd ever seen. The music and colour changed from 'nice' to 'superb', and I couldn't resist telling the world I'd taken two pills. Because of the high dosage of MDMA, the speedy effect kicked in. My jaw was clenched, and I couldn't keep it in one position. This was the first thing which annoyed me about the drug.

About one hour later, I saw the friend with whom I had taken MDMA again. He was sweating very heavily. He told me he had taken another two pills, so he had taken 4 pills that evening. One pill contained about 125 mg MDMA, so he had taken 500 mg MDMA. He went to the bathroom, threw up and left. I remained, the only one in the club who had taken X. I began worrying: if he, an experienced XTC user, had such severe side-effects, what would happen to me? I didn't want to die from an OD, especially not on a first time. I got a little worried.

The side-effects began annoying me even more. I wanted to have control over my jaws, I didn't want to feel this way any more. I didn't like it. The positive effect was too artificial, the side-effect were annoying. I started sweating, I didn't want to feel this way any more. I wanted to go home, but I didn't want to go alone, the idea freaked me out. I don't know why, I just felt that someone should take care of me if I had taken an OD. At last, a friend of mine left the club and went home. Because he lived close to me, I could go with him. When I was home, I still had the speedy effect from the high dose of MDMA. I decided to take my bike and go. I didn't know where to, I just felt I should go. I didn't want to sleep yet.

After fifteen minutes of insanity on a bike, I went home and decided to try and go to sleep. Normally, when I go to sleep, I think about the things I did during the day and decide what I want to do tomorrow. When I'm sober, that's a way to relax. However, while on XTC, my thoughts kept racing through my mind. I couldn't keep focused on one thought, it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. I thought I went crazy, and was still afraid of an OD. After half an hour of pure hell, pure loneliness and with my thoughts racing, I decided I couldn't get to sleep. I felt lonely, just having moved into a strange house which wasn't mine yet (at least, that's the way I felt). I don't remember ever feeling that lonely at 6 am.

The day after, I told my mum. I thought she should know, and psychologically, the MDMA still had a little effect. She jumped and told me to never do it again. I agreed. That, plus my low on serotonin, created a day even worse than the night I'd taken X. I was depressed all night long, I didn't know what to do, couldn't get to sleep, kept thinking of suicide. I was afraid of everything, of the world, of all the people I told I'd taken X. I was embarrassed, I didn't think I should live anymore. These feelings disappeared after two days, but it were the worst two days I can remember.

I'm not saying an MDMA experience can't be something to enjoy. I made a big mistake not knowing what I'd taken (I'd only heard about XTC as a party drug, like alcohol or speed) and how much I'd take. I completely underestimated MDMA and this report might be read as a bad trip report. Either way, I won't do it again.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 52200
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Oct 19, 2018	Views: 1,208
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